“Fuck, I’m leaving,” I say, getting up. She laughs, pulling at my arm.
“I’m kidding, but you know, maybe try testing the waters with something light. Get some porn in there, imagine what it would be like to go a bit further. See if that’s something you want. There’s no harm in thinking.”
“But what if…?”
Winnie sighs. “Okay, I lied. There is harm in thinking and it’s calledoverthinking.” I shoot her a droll look that has her smothering a smile. “But seriously. I can send you some of my favourite beginner porn if you want.”
“Winnie, I love you, but I don’t think our friendship would survive you knowing what kind of porn I watch or vice versa.”
She shrugs. “That’s just you. I personally think it would flourish.” She places a hand on her forehead,throwing her head back dramatically before crying out, “Our friendship could wither if we don’t feed it.”
“As long as I defend the net, you’ll be my friend,” I say.
She opens a blue eye and stares at me for a beat. “Yeah, you’re right. But do you wanna get out of here? I’m sure you’re exhausted. You got back today, right?”
“Yeah, I can’t wait to pass out.”
Winnie has a twinkle in her eye that stops me from getting up, but she’s already pulling me towards the door. “An orgasm could help with that; otherwise, you’ll be tossing and turning.”
I let out a breath tinged with disbelief. “I would never.”
I haven’t been able to fall asleep in the hour that I’ve been trying. Nothing is comfortable. I miss having someone in my bed, which is insane because it was only two days that I was with Eloise in Toronto.
I wonder if she’s struggling to sleep as well.
Looking at my phone screen, I scowl, the stupid clock mocking me, blinking some time after midnight back at me. I text Winnie that she cursed me, but she doesn’t respond. Understandable considering we have practice tomorrow.
My heart flutters at the thought of seeing Eloiseagain. I think we’re going to do really well on the ice tomorrow. I’m sure of it.
But the restless energy that’s floating under my skin makes me want to crawl out of it. I kick off the sheets, but then I get too cold and when I crawl back under them, I’m too hot.
My back, my side, my stomach, the other side, curled up, mountain climber, nothing is working. I’m so uncomfortable, and I hate it. I sit up, punching the pillow before curling up again.
I take a spare pillow and throw it between my legs to see if that helps.
It doesn’t.
I reach for my phone again, fingers trembling as I pull up the first porn site I could possibly find.
I close it at the sight of tits and a cock. My stomach shifts.Am I breathing? Shit.
Am I doing this?
I should have accepted the recommendations from Winnie.
No, I should be going to bed. This isn’t the time.
Is there ever a good time?
I open my phone back up and click the first video on the landing page.
It jumps immediately to a man pounding into a woman who is squealing loudly. My phone volume is higher than I thought, making me jump as I try to turn it down as fast as possible.
My breath is the loudest thing in the room. If Brynn heard that... I’d never live this down.
I look at the ceiling for a moment, steeling my nerves to watch the video. It’s an attractive couple on screen. He’s fit and has a long cock. His moaning is a little over the top, and his pounding seems excessive.
My throat is tight as I turn my attention to her. She’s...
