I put my phone away to avoid looking at it again. I’ll do it tonight.
Brynn finds me, coming up gently to not spook me like I’m a horse, and I have to push down theintense feelings of frustration. “Are you up for a drink with the team?” She asks, and I nod. “We’re celebrating Eloise, Rebecca, and Gracie’s signings tonight. Can you be happy for them?”
“I can be happy for the rookies,” I say, and it comes out like a bite.
“It’s not the rookies I was warning you about.”
I roll my eyes, trying to keep my face under control. My frustration is still so prevalent, bubbling underneath my skin, the outside of my skin chafing under her watchful eyes and my heart fluttering because ofsomething. “Yeah, I can be happy for her.”
“Good.” She smiles. “Did you email the therapist?”
“Yeah.”
Liar.
“We’ll get through this,” she says, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the car. “And we’re going to Gin and Bear It, so life is looking up!”
“It sure is.”
Gin and Bear It is packed to the brim when we walk in. The majority of our team are there and already having a drink, tons of women laughing and being joyful, with large smiles and animated stories. Something settles like a stone in my gut. Brynn smiles, giving my hand a soft squeeze before making her way into the crowd, andI take a step back.
The crowd is already larger than I was expecting.
This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come here. But I have to show my support. I’m a part of this team, and I need to show that I can be a decent human.
Why does it feel like such a massive effort to be a decent person?
Winnie waves at me, motioning for me to come to her and sit down right in the pack of teammates, beside Eloise, and I point to the bar. She gives a thumbs up, turning back to her conversation that has her pink hair shaking as she laughs.
I push through the mass of people, giving small greetings to teammates who I literally saw earlier today, and then through strangers and to the bar. “A gin and tonic please!” I shout at the bartender when she turns her attention to me. I pull out my wallet to throw down some cash, better not to start a tab tonight when we’re technically still in training camp.
She smiles and walks away, and I have to stop my eyes from trailing down her figure. Her jeans are cute, and her top is one that I think I may have in a different colour, but it doesn’t fit me the same way, and I’m a little jealous.
Her skin is smooth too.
My cheeks are thoroughly hot by the time she comes back, and I hand her the cash.
I turn my head back and catch the way her head is tilted. Her dark brown eyes catch mine before I lookat her wholly; her dark brown hair is tied up in a long ponytail, her freckled nose and plump lips twisted and scrunched, the question visible if not verbal. Yet I know what she wants to ask and the answer I can give.
I turn back around and down the drink, which burns in my throat.
I smother a cough and ask for one more.
It can’t hurt this time.
Eight
Eloise
Winnie is chatting my ear off, animatedly telling me about how they were so close to the Walter playoffs last year. I know. I watched the game last year. Calgary was already out of contention when they were getting into their last few games. I was watching the game as recon, not for enjoyment, but it was, and still is now that I’m on the team, always fun to watch them play.
A flutter of excitement settles in my stomach. That gets to be me this year. I get to play with them.
Say what you will about certain members of the team, but I feel way more comfortable here than I did on my last team. Don’t get me wrong; they were great. I love that team, but they had a very different way of connecting and felt much more family friendly compared to the Vortex.
A lot of the Vortex are single players; the Chill had families. I was a gay woman who had just broken up with her long-term partner because we had fallen out of love. It was no one’s fault, but the family friendly activities became a bit harder to bear the more I realizedthat she was the reason I was being invited to them.
And the reason I enjoyed them.
