“Do you have anything to say for yourself?”
Tears well up in my eyes, and everything feels tooloud. Too frustrating.
“Taylor?”
I gasp for breath, trying to calm myself before she realizes how much I’m losing my mind.
I don’t know why this is so hard for me.
I’m so exhausted all the time.
“Tay?” She makes her way over to me carefully. She’s off her skates. I can’t hear the glide of skates along the ice. My breathing starts to get a bit shallower, my chest a bit tighter. “Tay, come on, fuck.”
She wraps her arms around me, and I bury my face in her shoulder. She holds me tight as red hot tears prick at my eyes and leave burning trails down my cheeks. She places a hand on my lower back, grounding me, allowing me to close my eyes and try to picture where I am.
“Taylor Matthews, if you don’t tell me what I can do in the next three seconds, I’m calling Coach Lawson and our psychologist.”
I let out a shuddering breath. “No. I-I’m okay,” I whimper.
“Liar. You’ve been through a lot.”
“Not anymore than usual,” I say, and she snorts.
“Girl, you’re lying through your teeth.” She pulls back slightly, and I blink my eyes open, quickly wiping away the tears from my face. She places both hands on my cheeks and has me looking at her. “What do you need?”
“Nothing to happen for the next five to seven weeks,” I whisper. She gives a small snort, and I know it’s not going to happen, but it’s nice for a girl to dream.
“Right. Well, we both know how that’s going to go.”
“Right.”
“You’re safe here.”
I let out a long exhale, trying to release the nerves from my stomach. “Not anymore.”
Her brown eyes narrow as she looks me over. “Right. Well, we’re going to have to connect with the therapist. We both know this isn’t you.” I swallow the lump that’s in my throat. “You’re going to have to apologize to Eloise too, because she’s currently signing a contract that will make her a teammate.”
Another shuddering breath, and eyes tightly shut.
Fuck, what is wrong with me?
“You’ve never had an issue with a teammate before, and I know that you’re rational enough to know how good this is for our team. So, a therapist is a must. An apology is a must. And we’ll slowly integrate you and Eloise in more activities so that you can get to know her outside of the rink, because she really is lovely, and I think that you’ll like her once you get to know her.”
“Right.”
Brynn gives me a small smile. It’s soft compared to her usual wide grin. “Let’s get you cleaned up; youfucking stink.” I snort and slowly pull her to the edge of the ice and step off.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I whisper as we walk into the tunnel, the guise of dark something gentle over my shoulders.
“A lot has happened, and I don’t think you’ve been coping as well as you thought you were,” Brynn says. “It happens to the best of us. And that’s why the team has a therapist on call.”
“Right.”
She wraps her hand in mine. “I know you’ll be okay.”
I squeeze her hand in response.
After a hot shower that burns me and allows me to scrub my little breakdown off of my skin, I’m dressed and waiting for Brynn in the hallway. I’ve got my phone in my hand, thumbs paralyzed as I try to figure out the best way to reach out to our in-team therapist. My thumbs are paralyzed—poised to send the email, but something stops me. A hot spear of shame buries itself in my chest as I wait.
