“Bullshite. You’re bursting at the seams.”
A pause.
Then: “I keep seeing her. The agent who died trying to protect us. My friend, Sarah. I see her face. It doesn’t ever leave me. I see Josh standing there, watching our home burn. And Ican’t, Danny. I—I don’t know how to forgive myself.”
Danny didn’t answer right away. Just wrung out the rag and straightened up.
“You’re not god, Collie, and sure it’s a damned shame you’re not. He’d be more forgiving.”
Colin let out a breath. “David said the same thing.”
“Smart man, David.” Danny’s eyes met his. “So, you did everything right, and it still went wrong.” He tilted his head and lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “That’s not failure, son. That’slife! And life’s a bastard sometimes—not just toyou,a amadáin lách. Toallof us!”
Colin’s throat tightened.
“Son, we don’t always get to choose our path. Hell, sometimes, we can’t evenseethe feckin’ path! We just have to stumble ahead blind. We don’t deal the cards, Collie. We just play the hand that lands, blind and all.” Danny stepped closer, and his voice dropped. “There’s a lad waiting on you at home, isn’t there just?”
Colin nodded.
“Then don’t waste this. The time. The pain. Use it. Let it teach you something. And when you’re ready—go home to that sweet boy who loves you.”
Colin looked out across the water. The wind stung his eyes. But somewhere beneath the ache, he felt a flicker.
Like maybe healing was possible after all.
The ideaof walking from Galway to Killarney was not born out of desperation but out of the tiny bud of hope that had begun to blossom in his chest. He knew the way. He knew the distance. He’d driven every inch of it a dozen times. And something inside him… some small voice he was just beginning to hear had told him… that on this road, he would find the man he sought. The man he was before the world ended.
He could’ve taken the train. Or Danny would have driven him. But something in him needed the long way—the slow, steady ache of putting one foot in front of the other until the man he used to be began to walk by his side.
Four days after his arrival, Danny drove him to the edge of town, just past the last bend where the shops gave way to open country.
“You sure about this?” Danny asked, arms folded, leaning against the truck.
Colin adjusted the strap of his pack. “Yeah. I need to feel every mile.”
Danny chuckled. “Well, Lord knows you’ll getthatwish. He handed him a small bundle of postcards. “Found these in a drawer. You’ll pass most of those towns on the way. Might be nice to let your boy know where you’ve been.”
Colin turned them over slowly, one by one. A castle. A pub. A narrow, winding road flanked by green. He tucked them into his jacket pocket and gave Danny a nod. “Thanks.”
His cousin pulled him into a tight embrace and then kissed his cheek. “Go find yourself, lad,” Danny told him. “You’ve a good man waiting for you at road’s end.”
Colin didn’t answer. He just turned and started walking.
Somewhere just beyond Galway, he left the narrow road and found a stretch of quiet shade. He eased down onto a grassy slope, dusted off his hands, and reached for the journal he hadn’topened in weeks. He wasn’t sure why he’d brought it—only that not bringing it had felt wrong. Now, he was glad it was there.
From Colin’s journal
Day One– Just outside Galway
The road is too damned quiet. Every footstep sounds wrong—like I’m trespassing in my own life. I catch myself mouthing words to the air, half a joke, half a plea for someone—anyone—to answer. There’s nobody to roll their eyes, nobody to argue, nobody to anchor me. Christ, I’d trade anything for one of David’s endless lectures. That’s how empty this stretch of road feels. Like, I only exist when someone else is looking at me.
Joshua’s face keeps flashing up, the moment he pressed the ticket into my hand—steady, unwavering, loving me the way I can’t manage to love myself. I walked away. Ihadto. Or maybe I just wasn’t brave enough to stay. He told me to go, but did he really want that? Or was it just what I needed to hear? I don’tknow who I’m supposed to be for him anymore. Maybe the road will teach me, or maybe it’ll strip me down to nothing.
I remember:
Fire. Jesus, god. Just—fire.
I see:
