“Well, you’re a veryhandsomefeelings volcano.” Colin offered with a faint smile. “And I do talk to Deena about… aboutthings,” he murmured, referring to Dr. Deena Mallory, their therapist.
“But not me?”
“Some of this stuff is too ugly to share, Josh. Especially with you.”
“I’m tougher than I look.”
Colin reared back, scoffing out a breathy laugh. “I’m the last man on earth to whom that needs to be explained.” His mouth quirked as he gazed at his husband. “It’s not that you couldn’t take it. It’s that I couldn’t taketellingyou about it.” He shook his head, turning his gaze back to the lake’s placid surface. “I don’t want to drag you into that world, Josh. Bad enough that I have to be in it.”
Joshua didn’t speak, just held Colin’s hand tighter, silently deepening their connection. The breeze carried the scent of cedar and lakeweed, and the soft brush of water against the shore filled the silence.
Finally, Joshua said, “I understand, myyedid. But… you don’t have to protect me from your pain.”
For a long moment, Colin was silent, and then he drew in a deep breath. “I think I’m trying to protectmefrom the look in your eyes when you take it in.”
Joshua leaned his head against Colin’s shoulder. “Shrinks hear a lot of bad stuff.”
“Coming out of your own husband’s mouth?”
Joshua’s eyes met his. He opened his mouth, then closed it. “Point taken.” He turned his head and kissed Colin’s shoulder. “Just please remember this… I’m the guy.” He pointed to himself. “Thisis where you bring your pain, Colin. Right here.” He turned his finger toward Colin’s chest. “Andthisis where I bring mine.” He flattened his palm over Colin’s heart. “And yeah, it might hurt me to know what you’re going through. But that’s the whole point of the ‘better or worse’ promise we made.” He pressed his lips together. “It’ll hurt me a whole lot less to share your pain than to be isolated from you while you bear it alone.” His hand balled into a fist that he tapped against Colin’s chest. “Thatis the only pain I truly could not bear.”
Colin was silent for a long moment. Then he drew Joshua in, wrapping him in a fierce, wordless embrace. His chin restedon Joshua’s hair, his breath slow. “I hear you, my love,” he murmured at last. “I swear I do.”
They sat together in stillness, the lake before them like a mirror — deep and peaceful, its subtle movement a quiet balm to their spirits.
When they returnedto the cabin, Nate was setting up the karaoke machine. “We’ve got new songs!”
“Oh, lord god,” Joshua moaned, collapsing onto the couch.
“Whatcha got, Natey-baby?” Colin asked. “Anything good?”
Nate spun around, brandishing the remote like a game show host. “Only the finest cheesy gems the internet has to offer. Boy bands, Broadway, and—wait for it—1980s hair metal ballads.”
Colin’s eyes lit up. “Please tell me ‘Bye, Bye, Bye’ is in the queue.”
“Oh, it’sfirstin the queue,” Nate announced. “Followed by ‘I Wanna Dancewith Somebody’ and ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’.So warm up those vocal cords, Campbell, because you’re about to sing like you left your dignity at home.”
Joshua groaned from the couch, pulling a pillow over his face. “I barely survived the last time you two got into a karaoke duel. Didn’t someone end up under the coffee table?”
David lounged in an armchair, sipping a cognac. “I intend to numb my brain to the point where I barely notice them.”
“Hey!” Colin protested. “I regretnothing.”He paused from perusing the song list; his face quirked in an expression of sad regret. “Except maybe that heavy-metal version of ‘Memory’. That might have been a mistake.”
Nate giggled as he plugged in the mic. “A mistake? That is something of an understatement. I still have nightmares.” Heplaced a hand over his heart and drew in a deep breath as if preparing to sing, but Colin’s hand covered his mouth.
David held up his glass, eyes a bit bleary. “To be clear, I donotwant to be touched. Byanyone. Even if theyarea cat!”
Colin shook his head, then released Nate and returned to the song list. “No Irish songs on this damned thing?”
Nate flopped dramatically onto the couch beside Joshua. “It’s a crime against humanity.”
Colin scowled at the screen. “Disgraceful! Not a single High Kings song? What kind of soulless karaoke machine doesn’t have ‘Wearin’ of the Green?’”
Joshua peered up at him. “You could just pick Queen like everyone else.”
Colin knelt beside the couch. “I’m Irish, Josh.If I don’t sing something mournful and tragic at least once a month, the ancestors start rolling in their graves.”
Joshua rolled his eyes. “You’reIrish? Gee! I had noidea.”
