“He looks exhausted,” Nate whispered to Joshua.
They both stood near the back door of David’s cabin, gazing out to where Colin stood, gazing down toward the small lake that shimmered at the bottom of the hill.
After a moment, Joshua sighed and turned back to Nate.“Heisexhausted. But…” His eyes once again sought out his husband, but Colin had wandered down the path and out of sight.
“But…?” Nate queried.
“But it’s not just fatigue. He’s tired on the inside… you know? Too much ugliness on his plate lately.”
Nate scoffed. “Far as I can tell, that’s part of his job description… or it should be.” He patted Joshua’s shoulder. “But you’ll get him past it, Josh. You always do.”
“I wonder, Nate,” Joshua murmured, leaning against the doorframe as he gazed down the path Colin had taken. “I wonder sometimes if there’s pain so deep that even love can’t reach it.”
“Don’t talk like that, Josh.”
“I don’t want to, but...”
“Is he still in therapy?”
“We both are.” He drew in a deep breath, still staring toward the path that led to the lake. “I hoped that coming here would ease him out of it a bit.”
“Maybe ithas, Josh. Just because Colin’squietdoesn’t mean he’s suffering. We’re too used to him bouncing around tossing out wisecracks, but thereisa quieter Colin… a more introspective Colin. I’ve seen him be like that when he was perfectly happy and just thinking things through. Maybe it’sthat.”
Joshua turned back to Nate. “You’re right.”
Nate jerked his thumb in the direction Colin had taken. “Well, I know a good way to find out!”
The screen door squeaked as Joshua pushed it open, the sound oddly satisfying. When he reached the path, he saw Colin standing alone near the lake. He was looking out across the water, his hands clasped behind his head. For a moment, Joshua hesitated, wondering if his presence might not be an intrusion, then continued down the hill until he stood at his husband’s side.
Colin didn’t speak but dropped one arm around Joshua’s neck, his eyes still fixed on the water.
“You enjoying the view?” Joshua asked finally.
“I’m enjoying the fact that I don’t have any cases to prep.” He turned to face Joshua and dropped his other arm around his neck. “I’m enjoying not having a folder full of medical reports on sexually abused thirteen-year-olds to get through before breakfast.”
Joshua shuddered, and noticing, Colin nodded. “Yeah.” He turned back to the lake. “I’ve looked out over this lake a thousand times in the past five years or so. And the purity of this view never fails to calm me.”
“Water has a cleansing effect on the psyche,” Joshua told him.
“Just looking at it?”
Joshua nodded and leaned against Colin’s shoulder, his fingers brushing lightly along his arm. “Even the sounds help us.” He indicated the small waves as they touched the shoreline, their soft lapping sound caressing the air. “It triggers the same reactions in our brain as meditation.” He wound an arm around Colin’s waist. “Water is good for us. Looking at it. Listening to it. Being near it. Hell, even looking at pictures of a lake like this has a healing effect.”
Colin nodded and sank to the ground, drawing Joshua down beside him. “Well, since I always seem to gravitate to this spot, I must have a need for healing.”
Joshua shrugged. “You and every other human on the planet.” He nudged Colin with a gentle elbow. “Whodoesn’tlike sitting beside a lake or river?”
“You have a point.”
“Nate thinks you’re in an introspective mood.”
“Nate may be right.”
“You’ve had a rough couple of months.”
“We both have.”
Joshua nodded, then took Colin’s big hand in his and rubbed his cheek against his knuckles. “Yeah, but I weep and wail all over the place. I spew out emotions like a feelings volcano. You carry yours inside you.”
