“Josh, you know enough about this kind of injury to have expected these reactions. You didn’t get your bell rung, baby. It’s not that simple. The bastard nearly caved your skull in! You’re bound to have some symptoms for a while.”
He blew out a trembling breath and eased away from Colin’s embrace. “I’m better now, baby. Thanks.” He turned and kissed Colin’s cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“Goddammit, Josh!”
“OK! I’m sorry that I said I’m sorry! Jeez, I’m…” He dropped his head and covered his face with both hands, then winced in pain and dropped his injured right arm. “Fuck!” He glanced up as a nurse entered.
“Doctor Casey will be here in about forty-five minutes,” she told them, then held out a pill to Joshua. “He prescribed this to help with the headache.”
“Oh, goddammit,” Joshua moaned as he swallowed the pill. “He’llneverrelease me now.”
Colin slumped onto the chair, his face nearly as white as his husband’s. He knew Joshua better than anyone on earth. When Joshua was upset, he grew quiet and withdrawn. He never shouted. He never demonstrated undue emotion. This morning Colin saw a side of his husband that he had never seen before—thatno onehad ever seen before. Even during PTSD-induced panic attacks, Joshua was more apt to hide his condition from Colin than to cling to him.
He glanced up. Silent and unmoving, Joshua was staring at the far wall. His breathing had returned to normal, and he seemed more in control of himself. Colin moved to sit on the bed beside him. “Hey, bud,” he murmured, drawing Joshua into his arms. “It’s all gonna be OK.”
“Colin, I’m scared,” Joshua whispered. “I’m really scared. What if the brain injury is worse than Adam thought at first?” He leaned back again, searching his husband’s face. “Because I have no earthly ideawhyI’m acting like this.”
“Will youpleasenot borrow trouble where none exists?” Colin begged. “You may be my husband, the doctor, but you are thelastperson on earth I want diagnosing you right now.”
Joshua nodded. “Please stay close to me.”
“Count on it,” Colin said, then turned as a nurse entered. She pulled the tray table over and sat Joshua’s breakfast on it.
“Hey, look! Here’s breakfast!” He turned to Joshua with a half-smile. “Share it with me?”
Joshua scowled and continued to stare at his husband. “Breakfast?”
“C’mon, baby. Eat breakfast with me.” He grabbed a piece of toast and handed it to Joshua. “Here. Eat. It’s not as good as what you fix, but it’s better than nothing.”
Joshua wrinkled his nose and stared down at his breakfast. “I think the eggs are powdered,” he griped, then picked up the fork and began to eat.
“Did you sleep at all?”
Joshua threw him a sideways glance. “Not much.” He grimaced. “These eggs taste like cardboard.”
“Stop whining,” Colin chuckled, then lifted his eyebrows and leaned toward his husband. “You didn’t sleep?”
“My arm hurts. My knee hurts. My head hurts. My ribs hurt. My eye sockets hurt. Every time I go to the bathroom and see myself in the mirror I shriek like a little girl, because I look like I went twelve rounds with Joe Frazier. And worst of all,” he added, pointing toward his face with the toast, “my eyes itch!”
Colin bent over his knees suddenly choked with laughter.
“Not funny, Colin!”
Colin sat up and held his thumb and index finger a short distance apart as if to suggest it was alittlefunny, then choked with laughter once again.
“Humph!” Joshua huffed, and shoved his breakfast tray away. “You eat it. I’m not hungry.” He shot a scowl at his husband. “And stop laughing!”
Colin stood up and moved the bedside stand back in front of his husband. “Finish your breakfast,” he said, then tipped Joshua’s face up until their eyes met. “I lived anightmareyesterday thinking I’d find you lying dead on the floor of that dirty little church with a huge hole in you!” He dropped back into his chair and gestured at Joshua’s breakfast, encouraging him to eat. “So, hearing you piss and moan about your itchy eyes fills me with so much happiness I could burst.”
“Sorry,” Joshua said. He began to nibble on the toast again. “I’m being a whiney little bitch when I should be showing some gratitude for the fact that I’m even alive!”
“From what you told me, he sure didn’t intend to leave you that way.”
“No,” Joshua said. He stared down at the breakfast tray without really seeing it. “He—he didn’t.” He lifted his head and stared into Colin’s eyes. When he spoke, his voice was soft and hesitant. “You—you haven’t asked me if he...” His voice trailed off.
“Raped you?”
“Yeah.”
