“Did you regret it? I can tell juvie did you good—”
James slid his tongue between his teeth, then he got close to my ear, disorienting me.
“You think you understand everything, but you don’t know what I’m capable of,” he whispered slowly.
“Why does everyone love you if you’re so bad?”
I watched the lighter flame illuminate the darkness surrounding his profile.
“You think that?”
“Yeah, I do. Will and Jackson would do anything for you. You know that.”
James narrowed his eyes as he took the first few breaths of poison.
“Jasper thinks the world of you too. Not to mention the girls—”
I pursed my lips before I could add anything else. But he looked at me; clearly my words set him off.
“Come on, let’s talk about it. I’m dying to know.”
“Well, there’s not much to talk about. You know that . . .”
Why did he want to hear me say it? He knew that the whole school loved him.
“What should I know? That everyone wants something from me?”
“Oh please, maybe you’re the one who doesn’t want to give them anything more.”
James kept breathing the smoke in so greedily that it almost seemed like it was oxygen to him.
“So then what would someone do with someone like me?”
I burst out laughing at the idiotic thing he’d just said. “What makes you think you don’t deserve anything else?”
“Look, don’t start with this fucking psychoanalyzing. I’m complicated, but so are plenty of others.”
“Yeah, but what do you solve by just going to bed with them? What do you get out of it?”
“Fun, maybe?”
“It’s temporary.”
“You’ve never had sex, White, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I shook my head. “Sorry, but what do you know about what I’ve done?”
Biting his lip, he started to laugh.
“It’s written all over your fucking face.”
Maybe he meant that as an insult, but I knew that there was nothing wrong with being inexperienced.
“Besides, what’s the point of being together with someone if you don’t feel anything for them?” I continued.
“It’s all a lot easier for guys, whereas you girls aren’t like that. I still don’t understand if you lie to yourselves or just others.”
“Sorry, what does that have to do with it? People try to build a relationship based on trust and respect before sex.”
