Kenyon cut me a sharp look, but it didn’t stop anything.
Instead, my words must have landed. Even without meaning to, I’d found the thing to say, the place to jab that would truly hurt Yun. It had always been a skill of mine, but not one I’d ever hated before that moment.
“You’re such an asshole,” Yun whispered, her voice quivering.
I’d seen her angry before, seen her panicked and afraid, but this?
This was hurt, and it made me despise the part of me that had done that to her. I might not know what had gotten to her this time, but I knew I’d driven a stake deeper in with my own actions, ones I couldn’t even understand. Just why the hell hadthis all gotten to me the way it had? What the hell was wrong with me?
It all kept me silent as I stared at her eyes, glassy with the tears she tried so damn hard to hold back.
“This is how it always is with you, right? You demand everything from me. You want my body, my heart, my mind, all of it. You want me to guide the way you want, and you want me to listen to you, and to come when you call, but you don’t give me a damn thing in return. You crawl around in my head, you know everything about me, but you don’t tell me shit about yourselves!” Her voice rose, but even the yelling wasn’t all anger. No, a much bigger portion of agony remained, like each word hurt her as much as she wanted to fling them at us. “You want me to guide you, you don’t want me to go anywhere else, but you go around fucking whoever you want, getting guided by anyone else.”
Thatshook loose my thoughts. Guiding by someone else? “What are you talking about?” I asked, no humor to my voice, just confusion.
“Don’t treat me like an idiot,” she said and shook her head. “Tell me you don’t care if I see it, tell me it doesn’t matter, that you can do as you please, but don’t act like I’m too stupid to see that guide leaving the trailer earlier.” She wiped at the tear that had escaped with a guttural laugh. “I don’t even know why I’m surprised or upset. It’s not the first time I’ve gotten thrown away, when I didn’t live up to expectations, and it won’t be the last. You just should have told me first, gotten rid of me instead of making me fall—”
It all came together for me, what she’d seen, the cause for the spiral, all of it. It really was my fault. We’d managed to poke at a very old wound of hers, made her doubt herself, then I’d lost my temper with her instead of trying to make it all work out, instead of hearing her out or offering any sort of grace.
So I cut off her tirade, since it was going nowhere good. I stepped in, cupped my hand on the back of her neck and pulled her against me. I kissed her, silencing her with my lips.
Pain seared through my lips, through my hand, but I didn’t relent.
If she wanted to burn every synapse in my brain, well, she was welcome to. Fuck knew it was all hers now anyways.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Yun
The touch of Carter’s lips to my own hurt, but given the way he tensed, probably notnearlyas much as it hurt him. I didn’t use my full power, though honestly, I didn’t have much control over it.
It was like some part of me knew I didn’t want to seriously hurt Carter, but my anger meant I wasn’t willing to just give in, either.
Still, no matter how much it must have pained him, Carter didn’t pull away. He didn’t stop the kiss, didn’t end the contact. It was like he was telling me to do my worst, because he wasn’t going anywhere.
That alone managed to cool my temper some, giving me the ability to breathe again. The electricity that ran along my skin—my sole form of self-defense—quieted down until it fizzled away to nothing.
Even still, he didn’t end the kiss right away. It remained gentle, sweet, like some reassurance that both confused and frightened me.
After another moment, he broke the kiss but didn’t let me go, pressing his forehead against mine. “We didn’t go to another guide.”
“I know what I saw.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t see it all. What you saw was me kicking her out.” He spoke softly, but I knew better than to fully believe anything he said. Carter was a consummate liar, after all.
“Why would a guide even be here unless you invited her?” Guides had enough to do without wasting their time on espers who hadn’t shown an interest or need for them.
“Because the Guild has been sniffing around ever since the hotel, trying to get us to break the contract. They’ve sent that guide before, too, but we refused. I got back here and she was waiting for us inside—probably because they knew you’d be at training. I kicked her out and told her to not come back.”
I pulled away enough to stare at him, trying to judge the truth of his words. They sounded true enough, though part of me wondered if that wasn’t just what I wanted to believe.
Then again, I recalled the way the Guild had pulled me aside as well. Did I really believe that they wouldn’t do something that underhanded? That they wouldn’t try to create a division between us?
The more I thought about it, the more obvious the answer.
Yeah, they would, easily.
Suddenly, all that anger and hurt transferred to embarrassment. I thought about what Kaidan had gotten to see, what a few people in the base had probably gotten to see, and my cheeks heated.
