Maybe Rogue had been right to suggest they wait to have sex. Maybe he was afraid she’d be triggered when he touched her in a certain way. All that self-defense training with Onyx could kick in. She could go all survival mode and hurt him.
Shit. Maybe she would.
Keira hadn’t had sex with anyone since her sister had died, and she’d escaped the traffickers. She had no idea how she’d react.
On that thought, she lay back in her bed, staring up at the ceiling she couldn’t see, trying to see the future and how she’d respond to a man making love to her. Like the ceiling, she couldn’t see herself in that future.
With a sigh, she rolled over, punched her pillow and forced those thoughts into that box in the back of her mind and focused on the darkness until she finally fell asleep.
She woke several times in the night, checked her clock and forced herself to go back to sleep. When her clock showed it was five, she gave up, got up and dressed in dark jeans, a dark, long-sleeved T-shirt and black combat boots.
She and Rogue would make their way to Bandera that day, a trip that would take two hours if they went straight there, but more if they varied their approach to keep from being tracked by Onyx, Strickland or the Kaufman Syndicate.
They could be monitoring CCTV footage with facial recognition software or sending drones into the sky to look for them. They might have traced the drone Royce had sent and could be closing in on her cabin at that moment.
Keira checked her handgun and slipped it into her shoulder holster. She strapped a scabbard on her ankle and tucked a taser into the pocket of the jacket she’d wear later.
Once she was ready for the day, she eased the bedroom door open and tiptoed down the hallway to the bathroom, where she brushed her teeth and pulled her hair up into a loose bun at her crown. She’d wear her helmet over it when on her motorcycle and a hat when she went to meet Jade. Makeup wasn’t an option, not even to cover the dark circles beneath her eyes.
Keira sighed and opened the door to the bathroom, startled to find Rogue standing there, his hand out as if reaching for the doorknob.
“Sorry.” He dropped his hand. “I didn’t realize you were up.”
“It’s okay.” She stepped out and moved aside. “I’m all done in here.”
He didn’t make a move toward the bathroom. Instead, he faced Keira. “About last night, I didn’t want you to think I wasn’t interested.”
She held up her hand. “You don’t have to say anything. I thought a lot about what you said. Though it pains me to say it, you were right.”
His brow furrowed. “About which part?”
Her lips twitched. “The part about making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with crackers.” She shook her head. “Seriously. The part about triggers. You’re right. I haven’t had... consensual relations with a man. I really don’t know how I might react. I could potentially hurt someone through no fault of his own.”
Rogue’s frown deepened. “I’m not afraid of being hurt. I just don’t want you to relive the nightmares.”
“You don’t have to worry about that.” She patted his arm. “It’s a moot point. We’re not having sex, so it won’t be a problem.” Keira walked away before he could respond. He’d been right to stop something before it started. The fact that she might not be stable was a possibility.
Keira entered the kitchen, poured water into the coffeemaker and added a couple of scoops of coffee.
“He’s right,” she whispered. “I know he’s right. Then why doesn’t it make me feel better?”
She grabbed a coffee mug from the cabinet and plunked it onto the counter, a little harder than necessary. Okay, so she was still a little irritated that he hadn’t taken her up on her offer the night before, even if it meant reliving past trauma. And she’d spent too much time mulling it over and wishing he had.
“I mean, how am I supposed to know how I’ll react if I don’t give it a try?” she murmured.
“Were you talking to me?” Rogue’s voice sounded behind her.
Keira jumped, knocking the coffee mug off the counter.
Rogue lunged, catching it in midair. When he straightened, he was mere inches from her. The heat radiating from his body warmed hers.
“Do you know how dangerous it is to sneak up on me?” she demanded.
He grinned. “I wasn’t sneaking. Apparently, you were so busy talking, you didn’t hear me. Were you saying something to me?”
“Uh…no. I was just talking to myself.” Her cheeks warming, Keira took the mug from his hand and set it on the counter. She pulled another mug from the cabinet and set it beside the first, her hand shaking slightly. Had he overheard her?
He reached around her, his arm brushing against hers, and switched on the coffeemaker. “What was it you wanted to try?” he asked, his mouth so close to her ear, his breath stirred tendrils of her hair across her earlobe.
