“Funny thing about your body,” she said. “Though it was hard to breathe, I couldn’t stop. Then it was surviving one day at a time.” She snorted softly. “Onyx taught me one good thing.”
“What was that?”
“I didn’t have to be the victim anymore.” She looked up into his eyes. “They taught me how to fight and defend myself. I don’t have to take the abuse or submit to anyone. I am in charge of my own body. I decide if I want to be touched and by whom.” She gave him a crooked smile. “I want to be touched by you.”
“Just so you know, this isn’t a rejection. I find you incredibly attractive and insanely desirable.” Rogue brushed a kiss across her lips. “I also know that men have treated you badly. I don’t want to rush into anything that could trigger harsh memories for you.”
“For your sake, we can take it slow,” she said. “I only ask one thing.”
His arms tightened around her. “Anything.”
“Hold me for a little while,” she said, pressing her cheek to his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist. “It’s been a very long time since anyone has held me like they gave a damn about how I feel.”
He held her, rhythmically stroking her long hair, reveling in the silken softness. “The problem is that I want so much more,” he whispered against her hair.
“Same,” she sighed. “And I’m willing,” she reminded him. “But I’m also willing to wait until you’re ready.”
He chuckled. “I realize the irony in that. You’re the one who’s been through so much.”
They stood for a long time holding each other.
Finally, Keira sighed and pulled away. “I’m going to sleep now. Thanks for the hug.” She started down the hallway and paused with her hand on the doorknob to the bedroom. “I’m leaving the door open in case you change your mind and want to join me.” Her gaze met his. Then she disappeared into the cave-like bedroom.
Rogue pushed a hand through his hair. His pulse pounded through his veins, and his groin tightened. He wanted to follow her, to hold her and make love to her.
He didn’t want to scare her or make her feel degraded for having sex with a man she hadn’t known that long. A man who was there to protect her until they got to the bottom of the problems she and other members of Onyx faced. After the situation was resolved, where would that leave them? She should make love with a man who had her best interests at heart. A man who would show her the love she so dearly craved and deserved. A man who would stick around and help her transition into a better life.
Rogue wasn’t sure he was that man. He hadn’t married for a reason. He’d never met a woman he’d felt close enough to commit to. The man for Keira would have to be someone who didn’t just want sex. He’d have to give her the love that should come with it—an unconditional love that didn’t judge her for her past or require her to be someone other than herself.
Rogue wasn’t sure he was that man. Of course, he would never judge her for what others had forced on her in the past. Nor would he hold it against her the things Onyx had brainwashed her into doing. If he loved her, he’d be gentle with her and show her that making love wasn’t just having sex. It was a partnership of pleasure that two people could give to each other—an expression of the depth of their commitment.
One thing was certain. He’d never met a woman like Keira. She was incredibly strong, skilled and determined. She didn’t need a man in her life. If she chose one, he’d have to be special. Someone she’d fight for. Someone she’d defend. Rogue hoped that man would do the same for her.
If he loved her, he would do that and more.
A thought flitted through the back of his mind like an echo in a cave.
Could he love her?
Chapter 7
Keira lay for a long time in her bed, her body on fire, the heat burning hottest low in her belly. She’d never felt this level of longing. It was a physical ache no pain medication could touch.
Was this desire?
After being raped by the foster family’s son, and then by men who’d raped her while she’d been drugged nearly unconscious, her idea of sex had been distorted into a form of torture to be endured, not enjoyed.
Then why did she want Rogue so badly she couldn’t get him out of her mind?
Did she want him to touch her where that teenager and the other men had touched her? Would she recoil when he did?
With Onyx, Viktor and the other men they’d trained with hadn’t tried to force themselves on the girls. Viktor had enforced strict rules about fraternizing and put the kibosh on anyone who stepped over the line. Part of reinforcing the concept of no longer being a victim was teaching the girls how to defend themselves against anyone, no matter how big or strong he might be. She’d seen a petite ten-year-old take down a man who had to have been over two hundred pounds.
Keira had practiced self-defense techniques so often they were committed to muscle memory. Viktor made it a point to attack the trainees when they least expected it, testing their ability to defend and escape.
Keira had nearly broken Viktor’s thumb and had bloodied his nose on separate occasions. Rather than being mad, he’d congratulated her on her skills. She’d worked hard on hand-to-hand combat skills as well as her weapons training, learning that not all weapons were guns and knives, although she was an expert at both. She’d ripped through training dummies with broken bottles, splintered boards and items found in a carpenter’s toolbox, as well as an old woman’s knitting bag.
She’d trained until defending herself was as natural as breathing.
