He scowled at her. “You watch your tone with me, missy.” Cam was perfectly capable of yelling come in. “We can leave the door unlocked. The physical therapist is one of his cousins.”
Now she crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t want to go to Girl Scouts.”
“Why not? You love that stuff. Your friends are all there.”
“Because all they want to do is ask about Cam. Melinda’s daddy is a great big rodeo guy, and he told her all about Cam and his accident. That’s all they want to talk about.”
Oh shit, Mitch sighed. “Honey, I know it’s hard. Cam is still a new thing to a lot of people around here, especially when it comes to us. But they’ll get over it. Change the subject, talk about Christmas or something.”
“Then all they want to do is talk about Mark and why he’s staying for Christmas.”
Mitch counted to five. When her lower lip pooched out, he counted to ten. “And that’s when you tell him it’s because he’s family. It’s okay, kiddo. I know we’re a little different to people, but it’s not like we’re bad, right?”
Now she rolled her eyes. “Of course not, Daddy! But they all act like it’s so weird.”
“Well, I’m sorry it’s hard, but this is your meeting thing before the big party, and you need to go and make decorations with everybody else. I think you should go.” Not to mention the fact that Bekka needed to pay her dues, which she hadn’t done yet this month for some reason.
“I said no.” She stared him down. “I am not a little kid, and I am not just leaving Cam here alone in the house. Somebody has to start dinner. Somebody has to do things. There are more people in this house thanever, and I don’t have time to have fun and go to Girl Scouts. They can just have the party without me.”
“Bekka, I’m fine.”
She whipped around, pointed her finger at Cam. “Don’t you tell me!”
“Bekka!” he snapped. “That is enough. What the hell is wrong with you?”
She turned around and stared at him. “Are you serious? What is wrong with me? Before you got better, before Cam came here, before Uncle Mark came here, I was doingallthe things. I was doing all the things I was supposed to and things I wasn’t supposed to. And now that you don’t need me anymore, now you’re going to yell at me? And ask what’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me is that I tried and tried and tried to make everything right. And you had to bringtwopeople in, plus Granny Halley and all of those other people. You had to bring cleaners, Miss Lori, Miss Leanne. All of them. You had to bring them in to do all the things I was doing. And you don’t even care!”
“Baby, I did all that for you?—”
“No, you did it for you. You did it so you didn’t have to feel guilty. You did it because I didn’t do a good enough job, but when everybody else leaves and nobody else cares about you, I’m still here.” She was crying now, just sobbing. “When the bad stuff happens, I’m always the one who’s here!”
His cheeks were hot with a mixture of shame, fury, embarrassment, and agony. “You’re my girl,” he said. “You pick up the pieces every time I ask you to, and sometimes when I don’t. I’m so proud of you.”
He sat down so he wasn’t looming over her, and he opened his arms.
“Baby, I will always need you. You are my baby girl. You were the first time I knew that I would give anything to keep someone safe, to help you be the person you wanted to be. I knew there was nothing on earth that could keep me from being your daddy.”
She shook her head and looked down, then looked back up. “I’m trying so hard, Daddy. I’m trying so hard to do all the right things, and I’m so tired.”
God, his heart was breaking, and he wanted to fix what was broken, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know if he could. “You did a great job. You’re still doing a great job. And baby, right now what I need is for you to be a kid. I need you to learn how to smile and relax a little bit. No one is here because you couldn’t do it or because you did anything wrong or because you weren’t enough. You’re eleven.”
“I just turned twelve,” she corrected. “Remember? I didn’t get a birthday party. I didn’t get to?—”
“Okay.” Dammit. He hadn’t had a fucking choice there, and she’d agreed to have her party on New Year’s Eve. He was trying here. “I’m sorry about your party, but we rescheduled, and you are having an amazing New Year’s Eve party with all your friends. I know, you’re twelve. You are goddamn twelve! Twelve is slumber parties and Girl Scouts and first crushes and lots of friends, and I want that for you.” He held her gaze, needing her to hear him. “Cam’s not here because you did anything wrong. Cam’s here because he loves us and because we love him— becauseIlove him. You don’t have to love him if you don’t want to.”
“I just don’t want you to forget me. I feel like?—”
He waited, because he needed to know. “You feel?”
“I feel like you’re replacing me.”
He kept his arms open even as his heart was breaking. He was going to outwait her, damn it. She needed his hug, and he needed hers more than anything.
“That’s not a thing. And I know that you don’t understand it and you don’t believe me, but it’s true.” He shrugged, shaking his head. “I swear, I promise you, there’s not a force on earth that could replace you in my heart. You were my first baby. You were the first moment I understoodanything. You were the very first time I really got what my world was going to be like. You’re irreplaceable. Cam is here and things are easier on some fronts,so now we can do things and have fun. You can go to Girl Scouts. You don’t have to hold the weight of the whole house. And I’m sorry you had to before. But I’m so proud of how you did it. I could never have made it through without you.”
Bekka stared at him, silent, her eyes huge, and he could see his Allison, shining from her, and he missed her, right now, so badly. “Promise to God?”
He nodded immediately, no hesitation at all. “I promise to God. I love you, baby girl. Come here. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, and I’m sorry that you didn’t feel like I needed you.”
