Becky’s jaw drops in response. “What in the bunny boiler twisted shit?” She reels around and goes back to the truck, leans over the tailgate and rests her head in her hands. Her head pops back up and she zeroes in on me. “You did it because you were being paid.” I feel relieved at the statement, a weight off my shoulders because that’s nearly all of it. She knows everything she needs to.
The relief is short lived.
“But you kissed her! What, were you some kind of fucked up full-service escort? Is that what you’re trying to say to me?”
Full service escort?The truth of that statement lands like a hit. I stand silently opening and closing my mouth, no idea how to respond becauseisn’t that what I made it into?
“Oh my God, what the fuck?” She moves back away from the truckand starts pacing again. Her hands move from her head and start twisting around like crazy. Then she stops and swings back around to look at me again. “Why the hell doesn’t she just buy a new car if hers keeps acting up all the time?”
At first I just look at her, twisting the chain on my neck, my mind whirling, still caught on being anescort. Then I tune back in because Becky makes sense. WhyhasTaylor’s car been out of commission for months when she has what seems like “fuck you” money?
“Honestly, I have no idea.” I see her eyes roll and I continue, “Seriously, I had tunnel vision all summer long. I already told you my goals. Paul has been her mechanic this summer, he insisted and I didn’t really care one way or the other. By that point I knew Taylor would come to me if she was worried that she was being taken advantage of.”
“Jesus, Carter.” Those two words are loaded with frustration and condescension.
“What?” I’m honestly curious which of this evening's revelations she’s honing in on right now.
She considers me for a moment, shakes her head, seeming to make a decision. She holds up the phone she’s still holding. “What about this?”
I move closer to her to see what she’s talking about, and I have to fight the urge to wrap my hands around her hips like I’ve done countless other times. I’ve lost that privilege. I look over her shoulder to see a string of messages on the screen, the majority from Taylor. Embarrassment floods me because now I realize it looks bad. Really bad. I’m so thankful I told her about the money and the rides before she pulled those up. It would seem like a convenient excuse at this point.
“If you remember, the entire situation embarrassed me. I…I already lied to you about work being busy. It wasn’t. I was busy working, and I understand the distinction. So the messages I received that had anything to do with my rejected loan and all the things that I was doing to fix it all got deleted. Every night.”
I’m standing in front of her now and watch as something like realization flashes across her face, but she just listens, unmoving.
“It made me feel rotten every time, but you.” I gather her hands into my own. “You’ve always looked at me like I’m really something. From the very beginning you’ve made me feel like I’m something, someone amazing.”
She flinches and goes to pull her hands away, but I hold firm.
“Stop.”
No.
“Baby, sweetheart. Please. I love you. You know I love you.
“Carter, you had a very fucking public affair.”
She sounds done with this conversation. Done with me, and I talk faster because she has to know everything. “Becky, it was one time! We just kissed one time. That doesn’t make it an affair, it makes it a mistake.”
“It was an emotional affair, Carter, and it lasted weeks; and based on the fact that you still contact her, it’s still happening.”
I speak over her because she’sso off base.“I jumped on the opportunity to help her because—because it was just everything was happening too slowly and every time I would look at your ring, and every time I would look at our beat down home, and every time I would watch as you checked your bank account and wizard your way through another financial setback, I felt like I wasdrowning.”
“Carter, stoppit.”
I keep going. “I should be able to take care of you. I was embarrassed that I was denied the loan. I was embarrassed that I was resorting to essentially being an Uber for a stranger and then I was really embarrassed when—” I pause for a second, choking on my words. “When she started to cross lines, and?—”
“Stop! Carter. Stop. Don’t you get it? Don’t you understand that I would have rather had a courthouse wedding and lived the van life with you and our eventual family?” Then, quieter. “I loved my ring, and I loved our life together, until you stopped showing up. Every time you were there when she needed you, you weren’t with me whenIneeded you. You made your choices, and in the end, you didn’t choose me.” She takes another deep breath and lets it out slowly. Her shoulders slump.
I wait for her to finish because… because I have no idea what to say.
“I told you just to answer my questions. I can’t deal with more than what you’ve given me tonight.” I clamp my lips shut and nod. I won’t let her break down again because of me, so I listen. Even though I hate it. “We will meet again and talk logistics about how everything will be—will be distributed between us.” She finishes, turning toward the house, toward our home.
No, I was too late.I waited too long and she’s done. She knows everything important now, and it doesn’t even matter.
She stops, turns back around and goes to hand me back my phone, but I take a step back and put my hands up.
“If you look through my deleted messages, I don’t care what you look at. You look at everything: pictures, messages, my schedule. You can look at, I don’t know, my credit card statement. Look at everything and you’ll see. I’m telling the truth.”
