Carter
Present
So I tell her. I tell Becky how it all started, and I hate it.
I tell her about Paul being his usual creepy self and how the ride situation began, and Becky just sits and listens. She rotates her gaze from me to her hands, to the ground, and off into space. When I get to the part where we scheduled Taylor’s rides, she looks agitated, unsettled, and I know what she’s really waiting for.
Sure enough she meets my eyes and informs me I’m missing the mark. “It was more than that, Carter.” I nod my head and take a deep, fortifying breath.
I don’t want to hurt her anymore.“On those rides we talked—a lot.” Another glance to see Becky has gone rigid. I sigh and continue pacing around and scuffing my feet to scrape off this nervous energy.
“By the second time I gave her a ride, she was unloading all her fears about moving and how alone she felt. By the third, she asked if I could relate, and I told her about my own frustrations—wanting more, chasing goals that felt like they were moving at a crawl.”
She makes a small sound of distress and I whip around to see her beautiful face fall. I stop immediately and go to ask,what’s wrong? You already know the worst of it!But instead, I just give her an out.
“I can stop.”
“No. Tell me.” No hesitation.
Her knuckles are white from how hard she’s holding the tailgate, but I recognize the look on her face, so I cautiously continue. “This—” I struggle to think of a word to describe it. “Dynamic continued overthe course of a few weeks before Paul stopped letting us drive her on the clock anymore. He said that if she can’t find a rental or use the rideshare, that’s on her.”
“Carter, what the hell! You said…ugh. Never mind, keep going.”
I catch her eyes with a question in my own. She just shakes her head, so I keep going. “Well,” I clear my throat and remember where I left off. “Yeah, so he informs her that we will no longer be providing that service. Personally, I think he stopped it because he was pissed she never called him on his days to help. She usually ended up calling me.”
“And why is that?” Becky interrupts, sitting straighter.
“Why is what?” I know that tone. It means to tread cautiously.
Suddenly, it’s like something releases in her. She hops off the tailgate and comes right at me, fury radiating off of her. She reaches me, pointer finger out, and she pokes me on the chest. Hard. “Why.”Poke.“Did.”Poke.“She.”Poke.“Usually.”Extra sass and poke.“Callyou?”Poke, shove.
I take a step back, more from surprise than any loss of balance, and she follows that step, looking like she is going to push me again.
“Whoa! Hey! What’re you doing?” I go to grab her hands, but she whips them out of the way.
“You let her!” she yells, pounding her fists against my chest. “Why did you let yourself be available toheron days that you weren’t scheduled? Huh, Carter? You were available to her, but away.”Smack. “From.”Smack.“Me!Youlet herget between us! You left the fucking door wide open and you let her through?—”
I gather her flailing hands into mine before she can cause any actual damage. “I was already working late those days—” I try to gently remind her, but she cuts me off.
“I don’tcare, Carter! I don’t care how much of it was work. You still chose to be alone with a young, attractive woman so often I had my boss approach me at work to make sure there wouldn’t be any drama!” Tears line her eyes, and my chest cracks at the emotion there.
“Why would she—” I try to ask, but even with her hands tied, she keeps the hits coming.
“Do you have any idea howhumiliatingit is for me to have my personal life brought to work in this way? You say you know how important teaching is to me, so why would you jeopardize my career this way?” I move her hands to rest on my chest now, and her fingers curl into my shirt.
I hold her furious gaze for a beat before I answer, as honestly as I can. “I didn't think of it that way.” I say quietly. Then with a quick squeeze, I drop her hands and take a step back. My eyes drop away from the emotion in hers as her hands stay up, suspended between us.
Like it used to, my calm leads to her taking a few deep breaths and slowing down, but when she brings down her hands, her eyes are harder. Fortified against me and what I’m doing to her. What I’ve already done.
“Do you need me to stop?” I watch her for any hint of what she needs from me.
“No. Talk.” Abrupt and flat.
I keep watching her. “When I told her that I could no longer help her out, she offered to pay me double–”
A “what” comes from her, but I push out the rest.
“Double what I was earning from Paul, and she said that if it was on the weekend, she would offer me triple. Not by the hour, by the drive.”
