‘Don’t you?’
My stomach nosedives at these words, barely audible as they leave Daniel’s mouth, as if he has tried to filter them, but couldn’t stop them slipping out. How can he think that, let alone say it out loud? I’m aware I’m being hypocritical.
‘Listen, Daniel. Iris found Josh’s body. She arrived on the scene after he was killed. Days afterwards. Her presence there might explain the footprint, but it doesn’t point to the murderer. I don’t want my daughter to suffer any more because of that … boy.’ I shout the last sentence. So much for closing the kitchen doors so no one would hear us.
Daniel puts his hands on my shoulders and, for a split second, I just want him to hold me. But then I catch the look in his eyes.
‘If you’re not going to report this,’ he says, ‘I can’t stay here.’ He matches me for volume.
‘What?’
‘I can’t allow Margo to be in the same house as someone who may have committed murder and someone else who is harbouring a criminal.’
He’s deadly serious and I can’t get my head round what he’s saying.
‘You don’t really believe …’ But I don’t finish that sentence. Deep down, I still think Iris probably did this. And that’s what Daniel believes too. ‘Don’t you think you’re overreacting?’ I try a different tack and lower my voice. ‘What would you do if it was your daughter, Daniel?’
‘She’s not my daughter, though, is she?’ he says, his face close to mine. I resist the urge to slap it. ‘And I am thinking about my daughter. I’m trying to do what’s right for her. Just like you are with Iris.’
And with those words, he stomps out of the room. I call after him, shout and cry, but then my anger and my voice abandon me, too. Defeated, I sink onto the chair and, my elbows on the table, I cradle my head in my hands.
Chapter 21
Iris
THEN
Revenge porn. That’s what everyone at school was saying it was. Iris hadn’t been into school since that day, three weeks ago. She hadn’t been on social media either. But Millie came round every now and then and brought her up to speed. Millie probably gave her a watered-down version of the fallout. That suited Iris.
Millie also told her that the class teachers in registration had warned the pupils that anyone found to have shared inappropriate material would face disciplinary action. The headmaster and deputy head pastoral had banged on about it in assembly too, apparently. All the parents had been sent an email saying the same thing – Iris already knew this because both Mum and Dad had received it. Class teachers had been checking pupils’ phones, but because of the warnings, Iris supposed anyone with half a brain would have deleted her video by now. Or stocked it in the Cloud or something.
Revenge porn. Two words that made sense, but at the same time cast confusion over the whole thing. Iris had been bugged about that term since PC Quinlan had suggested contacting the Revenge Porn helpline. She’d put up with a lot of Josh’s shit. What had she done that made him hate her so much? That had made him want to seek revenge? But even as those questions writhed around in her head, she sort of got it. Josh had taken their break-up badly. She used to think he was way out of her league and knew this was also his thinking. He felt he was too good for her. Entitled. And so he was really pissed whenshedumpedhim. Josh held grudges. He was a vengeful person. So that was why. A more puzzling question was why now? They’d split up, like, weeks ago. Two months ago, actually. Was it a case of serving a dish cold? Or was there more to it?
Mum had made an appointment with a counsellor Jo knew personally. Iris didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to talk about what had happened. She was deliberately staying off school and staying off social media and doing her best to bury her head in the sand. But her parents insisted.
‘How did it go?’ Mum asked as they drove home from her first session.
‘Fine,’ Iris said.
Iris hadn’t been much more talkative in her session with the counsellor, Melanie, to be honest. She’d just sat there feeling sick, stupid and sad. And above all, ashamed. So she’d left the talking up to Melanie, who said a couple of things that made Iris sit up and listen.
The first thing was that abuse was moreinsidiouswhen it was psychological rather than physical. Iris thought she knew the meaning of that word, but she’d google it when she got home, just to check. It wasn’t really the word ‘insidious’ that got her, though. It was the word ‘abuse’. Had Josh been abusing her while she was actually going out with him? Or had that only come afterwards? She needed to think about that.
The other thing was about revenge porn. ‘I tend to avoid the term “revenge porn”,’ the counsellor said gently. ‘I think it puts too much emphasis on why the perpetrator did what he did and not enough emphasis on the harm it causes the victim-survivor on the receiving end of it. The focus has to be on you.’ Iris could see the logic in that. ‘In addition,’ Melanie continued, ‘not all perpetrators are motivated by revenge, or not solely by revenge, anyway.’
There was a lot to work through in all of that. Terms that Iris needed to get her head round if she was going to be able to process it. Josh was a ‘perpetrator’. She was a ‘victim-survivor’. Or she would be if she got through this. Privately, she had her doubts about her ability – or even her will – to do that.
‘What do you call it then?’ Iris asked.
‘Personally, I prefer the term “image-based sexual abuse”,’ Melanie said, ‘but it’s a bit of a mouthful. ‘Or “intimate-image abuse”. But we can call it whatever you like.’
Iris nodded. She could relate to Melanie’s expressions more than to the term ‘revenge porn’, even if she thought Josh was mainly motivated by revenge. Plus, if Josh was taking revenge, it made it sound like she’d done something wrong, like she’d wronged him somehow. Also, Iris didn’t like to think of the video of her as ‘porn’. Technically, it probably was pornographic, but that hadn’t been her intention. And she hadn’t given her consent for the video to be shared for other people to ogle at.
‘Cyber sexual abuse,’ Iris said. She thought she’d heard or read that somewhere before. It was also a bit of a mouthful, but that was exactly what she was going through. She felt as if she’d been sexually abused. She felt dirty, she was hurting, she’d been exploited without her consent. Dehumanized. Humiliated. Exposed. Yeah, that was what she wanted to call it.
Iris could avoid all the pupils at South Lydacombe, apart from Millie, of course, but there was no getting away from the problem. For one thing, she couldn’t stop thinking about the video. Plus, the whole issue had infected her home life, too. Olly, who had gone back after his week’s suspension, had to face the mess Iris had left in her wake. He dragged his heels in the mornings and came home at the end of the day unhappy and angry. Iris imagined pupils whispering things about her without caring much if he heard or not. In her absence, he’d be their scapegoat.
Iris also overheard an argument between Mum and Daniel. She couldn’t help eavesdropping. It wasn’t hard. They were shouting.
