Zach continued on in the silence. “According to my therapist, it’s tempting to cling to fear and keep everyone out, so you’ll never feel pain again. But that’s a lie, an illusion of control.”
“But I can’t go through that kind of agony again. I fucking can’t.”
“You’re already in pain, just a different kind.”
Another bullet. Another killing blow.
Seth stood abruptly, pacing the small living room. “You don’t understand.”
“You came here because I do, and we both know it. Loss comes; pain follows. Then we all face the same choice: stay half dead or risk living again.”
Seth stared at him, anger broiling in his chest. He wanted to argue, to tell Zach that his situation was different somehow. Special. But the words died in his throat because deep down, he knew Zach was right. They were mirror images of each other—both broken by loss, both hamstrung by guilt, both facing the same impossible choice. The only difference was that Zach was choosing to move forward while he was standing still, letting fear dictate his future.
“I had a devoted wife and a perfect son.” Seth’s voice cracked. “And I got stupid. I pushed too hard on a cold case. They paid for my arrogance. They got fucking blown to pieces because of me.”
“I lost the family I loved because I tried to protect my daughter from a predator—my own brother. Jedediah had my wife and daughter killed. You think I don’t blame myself every single day?”
Seth clenched his fists. “But you’re already resolved to start over. How?”
Zach was quiet for a long moment. “I haven’t told anyone…but before the raid at Messiah City, I found Faith’s journal. She was afraid the elders would come for her and Joanna if they ever figured out what I was up to. If the worst happened, she wanted me to move on. Find happiness again. She didn’t want me to feel guilty for trying to do the right thing. She knew what could happen. And I’m sure Autumn was well aware of the risks of being married to a cop who worked dangerous cases.”
“She did…and she didn’t. We talked more than a few times about the possibility of something happening to me. Never her or Tristan.”
“All right, but if you could talk to her, do you think she’d want you to give up your chance at a happy future to spend your life alone?”
Shit. If Autumn could see him now, she’d be disappointed.
Seth’s shoulders fell as he sank back onto the couch, his fight draining away. He’d kept his body coiled tight since the day of the explosion. Now, all that seemed to dissipate, leaving him hollow but blessedly lighter.
“Fuck. You’re right. I’ve been using fear as an excuse to avoid risking my heart again.” Seth checked his watch. Twenty-four minutes. “I should go.”
“Home?”
Even though it was scary as hell… “Yeah.”
“Good. Choose Beck and Heavenly. Choose to live. Choose to love.”
“When the fuck did you get so wise? Because I know it had nothing to do with Jack and Connor. They’re dumb as dog shit.”
“They’re not that stupid.” Zach sent him a faint smile. “But once I thought about it, I realized I had nothing left but the truth.”
That made sense. He understood that. “Thanks. Good luck tomorrow with Hannah.”
Seth stepped into the hallway, closing the door behind him. In the silence that followed, Zach’s words echoed in his head.
Choose Beck and Heavenly. Choose to live. Choose to love.
Seth intended to. If he was being honest, he’d made his decision the moment he’d walked out of the house, determined to find answers. The question wasn’t whether he wanted a life with Beck and Heavenly. He wanted that more than his next breath. The issue had always been finding the courage to embrace that want without reservation or retreat.
If the past had taught him anything, it was that nothing in life was guaranteed. Not safety. Not tomorrow. Except, perhaps, regret. And his biggest one would be walking away from Beck and Heavenly and the love they shared forever.
Seth gunned the engine. Eighteen minutes left.
Just enough time to cut out that motherfucking parasite, get home, and show them that he refused to let fear win.
Seth floored the gas, pushing his SUV well past the speed limit. His eyes flicked between the road and the clock on his dash. Seventeen minutes left. He’d make it. He had to.
The wheels ate up the pavement as he replayed Zach’s words in his head. Choose to live. Choose to love. Simple in theory… Hard as hell in practice. Still, he couldn’t be a coward anymore. Otherwise, Heavenly and Beck would cut him loose and go on.
