“Matthias is a sweetheart deep,deepdown. He’s mostly talk…until he’s not,” Heath stammered.
“Mickey, close the curtains,” Alexander ordered, holding up a hand toward Heath to keep her from continuing. “We shouldn’t talk about your brother or anything else with them open.”
Mickey did so, and my shoulders tightened as some of the noise muted but not all of it. I still had to strain to hear any of them.
“Arden, you’ve been asking about the parameters of the marriage and being my wife,” Alexander started, completely redirecting the conversation, but he was quickly interrupted.
“I’m sorry. Did he just saywife?” Heath cried, her eyes wide. “Dear god. Alexander Mayhew Creed, what on earth were you thinking marrying this poor girl?” she demanded, turning a wrathful expression on him. “Did you even give her a choice?”
“Yes.” “No.” We said together, Alexander giving me a stern look at the sound of my no.
“You let him do this?” Heath hissed at Monty.
Monty raised her hands. “I told him it was a bad idea but he insisted.”
“Does seem kind of not great, Alex,” Mickey said, scratching the back of his neck and looking uneasy. “I mean great tits, sure, but she’s a fucking pyro.”
“I am not a pyro,” I seethed, slamming my fists down on the table and rattling Alexander’s and Heath’s glasses. It was an overreaction. I know it was. But I just couldn’t take them all yelling over each other, plus the noise of the crowd. Beyond the few events I was forced to attend to take out my targets—which I was really only passing through for no more than ten minutes at a time—that was the loudest place I’deverbeen. It was overwhelming trying to keep up with hearing them with my good ear and staying calm while squished in that booth.
The entire table fell quiet at my outburst, Monty grabbing Heath’s drink and slurping loud enough through the straw that we all turned glares toward her. She glanced at me and cocked a brow. “What, bitch? Going to light me on fire?”
Alright. I was done.
I shoved out of the booth and batted away the curtain, tripping in the heels Monty gave me, and quickly tugging them off. I tossed them back at her and stormed down the spiral staircase, faintly aware of the others calling after me, but I didn’t care. IfAlexander wanted to talk terms, he could do it back at his parlor. In the quiet.Awayfrom his entourage. It…hurt to watch them together. To know Ididn’thave that anymore and I had no idea when or if I ever would again. I was homesick but not for a place—for the three men who’d filled the shape of my name so thoroughly that it meant nothing without them. I was withering from the inside out.
I hurried down the steps, someone stomping on my bare toes the minute I got out of the safety of the roped off area below. I cursed, biting down on my lip and looking around. It was somehow more crowded than before, and I realized that the tables had been moved, most of those that’d been eating now up and chatting or dancing. Being shorter, I could barely see around anyone. I pressed onto my toes, searching for the door to the apartment upstairs and coming up empty. It was too dark, too loud, and so, so crowded. I got pushed around, bodies bumping into me and apologies half-thrown my way. My pulse skyrocketed, the faint dizziness I felt from a lack of food amplifying alongside a brutal anxiety. Panic set in, and I hugged myself, squeezing my eyes shut before I dropped into a crouch and hunched over into my safety position. I started counting to myself, one to ten, over and over, hoping the tight feeling in my chest would ease but it didn’t.
I pressed my forehead to my knees, sucking in one panicked breath and another, unable to get myself to calm down. A horrific ringing filled my bad ear, as if my panic attack was igniting my deafness, my blood pressure rising. My hands grasped my head, black dots in my vision when I finally opened my eyes. It just got worse and worse, a scream building in my throat. I let it out, unable to make sense of any direction, the entire place spinning endlessly. At the sound of my scream, the live music stopped, several patrons surrounding me asking if I was alright and if they needed to call 911.
“No,” I managed. No, I wasn’t alright. No, don’t call 911. Halden couldn’t find me. “Please don’t let him find me,” I cried, tears falling heavily. “Please!”
“Arden. Jesus.” Alexander dropped to a knee at my side, wrenching his jacket off and draping it over me. “C’mon. You’re okay.” He reached for me, and I screamed.
“Don’t touch me!” I threw his jacket off, and the crowd around us took several steps back.
“Okay, everyone, this young woman needs some help. Don’t worry. It’s just a bad trip. So if I could please have you all calmly exit the building so she can have some privacy when the first responders arrive, I’d greatly appreciate it,” Mickey directed—him, Monty, and Heath, herding people out the door. “Quickly, please. Thank you.”
“No!” I shouted at Mickey. “No. Why would you call them? Please, please,no. He’ll know. He’ll come for me.” The cot in Room 82 lit up behind my eyes, set aflame, my body tied down. It was like I was floating above my past self in some ghost-like form, watching myself scream for help and burning alive. Then I was thrust back into the present. My entire body cracked forward as I hacked up nothing, my stomach completely empty. My fingers curled against the cold tile of the restaurant, and I tried to focus on that—You’re not there. You’re in New York. You’re safe.“Don’t call,” I begged.
Heath knelt beside Alexander, her worried gaze meeting mine. “Hey,hey. It’s okay. Mickey didn’t actually call them. He’s just gotta get people out of here. You’re having a panic attack, sweetie, but everything’s going to be fine.” The more the crowd cleared, the easier it was to hear her softer voice, and my pulse started to slow again. The dizziness wasn’t leaving me, but some of the panic was. “There you go.” Heath moved a little closer. “I’m going to touch you, okay? Just put my arms around you so I can help you stand. Can I do that?”
“I—I don’t know. I feel—wrong,” I sobbed. “What’s happening to me?”
“Run of the mill trauma,” Heath said with a small smile. “It happens to the best of us. You’ve nothing to be worried about or embarrassed of. Just keep taking those deep breaths, and I’m going to help you up.”
The second her hands skimmed over my back, I jerked away. It was involuntary. If anything, I wanted desperately for her to help me. I hated feeling so helpless and vulnerable, having all of them watching me.
“Okay, okay. No one’s going to touch you. We’ll stay right here.” Heath looked up as Mickey jogged back toward us after clearing everyone out. “Mick, get this girl something to eat. She looks seconds from passing out.”
“Got it,” he said and ran back to the kitchen.
“Alex, Monty, comfort items,” Heath ordered.
Monty nodded and ran toward the door to the apartment, which was annoyingly close to me. I’d beenright thereand I hadn’t been able to find it. I felt so incredibly stupid and small, and it only amplified the panic again. Alexander hesitated as I started dry heaving.
“Alex,” Heath said more sternly. “Comfort items. Now.”
Alexander’s lips pressed together before he followed after Monty.
