Which unfortunately told Birdie everything she needed to know.When the lavender ceremony came, she would be doomed. No doubt she would be shoved onto an airplane back to Portland before this so-called love journey even started. Which was why she had exactly thirty seconds to come up with a plan.
Not that she knew if she even wanted to stay.
Did she?
Did she really want to stand here in this over-the-top solarium, wearing this dress Jade had said accentuated her curves, competing for a woman who had treated her like a one-night stand? Yes, she’d been fully aware that walking out of that club to the hotel would lead to nothing else. Yes, she’d been far too hopeful that Alexis would actually call her back. And yes, she was probably being a little dramatic.
But still.
Did she want to risk humiliating herself on national television, knowing Alexis had every reason to kick her off immediately? Did she want to put her poor, foolish heart anywhere near the blast radius that was Alexis Wolf?
Apparently, the answer was yes, because she was already walking toward the bar. She was ready to get blacked-out drunk on bubbly just to save herself from the ache of being sent home by the woman she was still thinking about to this day.
“Please help yourself,” said a bartender wearing a sleek tuxedo. He gestured to a silver tray lined with champagne flutes. Birdie grabbed one, tipped it back, and drained the contents before she even registered the taste or the fizz dancing on her tongue.
“Thanks,” she muttered, reaching for another.
“Maybe you should pace yourself,” said a voice behind her.
Birdie jumped and nearly launched the flute out of her hand, but somehow miraculously not a single drop hit the floor. She spun around to find Louise standing behind her with one eyebrow raised.
“You look a little worse for wear,” Louise said, smirking.
Birdie smoothed a hand over her dress and instinctively moved to flatten her bangs, which she was quite sure were doing their own thing from all the times she’d anxiously fidgeted with the strands over the last couple of minutes.
“I don’t mean physically,” Louise quickly added. “More like mental anguish. Did something happen during your introduction?” Her eyes grew wide like dinner plates. “Wait, did you say something embarrassing? Oh, come on, you have to tell me.”
Embarrassing didn’t even cut it. For half a second, she considered telling the truth—that Alexis was Lexi from Portland, that Lexi from Portland had lured Birdie to a hotel, only toleave right after they’d had sex. And now Lexi from Portland pretended she didn’t know Birdie at all.
It would feel so good to say it out loud. But then she pictured Louise’s face if she did. The shock, the follow-up questions, and the inevitable gossip that would make its way to the other contestants. Everyone would know. And Birdie wasn’t ready for that.
“There was nothing,” she said as she shook her head. The lie sat thick and clumsy on her tongue.
Louise tilted her head, unconvinced but not pushing. “Well, whatever’s got you so wound up, don’t let it spook you, alright? Everyone here is nervous.” Her gaze flicked across the solarium to where Alexis was talking to Harper and Kinley. The copper-haired masc lesbian was gesturing a little too big with a laugh that cracked a little too sharply, and Kinley, whose skirt dropped to just below her ass, kept tucking an invisible strand of hair behind her ear.
Louise was right.
But they weren’t in the mess she found herself in. Little did they know she was involved in a story so complicated that she couldn’t possibly explain it in one breath. Or maybe it wasn’tthatcomplicated but only felt that way because she was far from home, from her bookstore, from everything that made sense.
“Enjoy the process,” Louise said when Birdie didn’t answer. “This is supposed to be one of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences. I mean, when are we ever going to find ourselves in an all-expenses-paid villa in the south of France again?”
The words landed like a pebble in Birdie’s gut. Louise was right. This was the type of thing people didn’t stumble into twice. It was the sort of opportunity people dreamt about. Birdiehaddreamt about this type of scenario. But that was before she found out the bachelorette wasn’t some mysterious woman whomay or may not fall in love with her, but rather Alexis, who was probably incapable of falling in love.
Birdie just wasn’t sure that she could simply accept the possibility of being sent home, of not getting to experience Provence with the sun-drenched vineyards and lavender fields she could lose herself in until her skin smelled like summer. She couldn’t bear the thought of letting herself be erased by this woman twice.
The thought was suddenly unbearable.
“You know, I never thought they’d get Alexis Wolf as the bachelorette. Not after what happened last season,”Louise said when Birdie let the silence go on for way too long.
Birdie frowned. “Last season?”
“You didn’t watch?”
“No,” Birdie said, shaking her head.
Louise looked surprised by this, as if watching previous seasons was a prerequisite for applying to become a contestant. “She was the villain. Like properly manipulative. She even tried to blackmail the bachelorette into choosing her. Fans went feral.” She smiled, looking almost impressed. “I can’t believe they actually cast her after all that.”
Birdie’s jaw practically hit the floor as the words about Alexis sank in. It was one thing to be ghosted by a woman in Portland and another to realize that the same woman had a reputation for blackmail.Blackmail. She should want to run for the hills. In fact, all the contestants should.
