“He made you feel bad?”
So fucking bad. I nod.
“Because he fell in love with a boy.” He says that part mostly to himself. I can feel the weight of Landon’s stare at my back. I wish he was touching me again, but I won’t ask for it. I can’t. “So, I don’t know if you realize this, Park,” he says slowly, eyes roaming my face. “Lan and I alreadyknowyou’re not a boy.”
I mean, yeah… obviously, but—Ben cuts off my mental ramble. “I likeyou. Parker.That’s the whole thing. No qualifiers.”
I have a hard time believing that. It’s not that Iwantto struggle with it. I can’t help it, though.
But… This isBen.He even introduced himself with his pronouns. He made no assumptions about me or my gender, though I can’t say the same for Landon… Not that I blame him for that. Of course not. But still… “And you?” I ask, turning my head to look at Landon over my shoulder.
He looks pained, his eyebrows pulled together and his lips turned down at the corners. “I like you as you are. No matter what that looks like.”
“Lincoln was fine if I dressed masc. He always called mehe, though. And when I presented more femme, he wouldn’t even touch me.” My throat nearly closes up, and I have to work incredibly hard to get the last few words out.
Landon offers me a sad smile. “I’m so sorry he treated you badly, Lovebug.” Tears burn my eyes, but a smile curves my lips at the nickname. I truly don’t know what to do with these two. “But,” he continues. “I’ve seen you in a ratty, paint-covered t-shirt and in your pink nightgown thing.” His cheeks brighten, and his pupils dilate. “I’ve also seen you in jeans and in dresses, and honestly? You’re never more or less beautiful. I couldn’t care less what you wear or how you present yourself to the world. You’re just… Parker. Cotton Candy. Lovebug.”
I’m not going to cry. I won’t. I will not.
I sniffle hard, and if either of them notices the wetness in my eyes, they don’t point it out.
Swallowing hard, I glance at my lap. “Can I have some time? To think about it? To decide?”
Landon says, “As much as you need,” right before Ben says, “Of course.”
I’m not sure what to do. Or what choice to make. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready. I value our friendship so much that the idea of losing it is almost too much to bear. When I lost Lincoln, I lost everything I thought I was. But… I also gained Darcy. So it wasn’t all bad.
So maybe this wouldn’t be either.
Chapter 15
Benson
Landon sits down next to me on the bench, a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair damp and dripping down his neck and onto his exposed chest. “Hey, cutie,” I whisper, leaning closer to him.
I should be calling him sexy instead, because good God, he looks fucking hot as hell right now.
“Hey back, other cutie.”
I couldn’t fight my grin if I tried. “You happy to be starting?”
He nods. “Yeah, definitely. But holy shit, it’s a lot more work.”
That it definitely is. “You’re playing great. It should have always been you starting, not Marcus.”
His cheeks turn red. God, I love that fucking blush. I brush my fingertips over his cheek, but when his eyes dart nervously around the locker room, I let my hand fall. “I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head. “No. I’m sorry. I… I want to be brave, but it’s hard.”
“I get that. You don’t have to apologize.” If we can be patient with Parker, we can certainly be patient with Landon. “Have you heard from Park today?”
“No. Have you?”
“No.” My lips turn down. I actually haven’t heard from them since last night. We were supposed to have another sleepover, but they never let us know what time to show up, so we decided not to go just in case they got busy. “Let me send a text.”
I dig my phone out of my bag, opening our group chat text thread. Hell, I haven’t even texted Parker without Landon in weeks.
Me
