“Sure,” I say.
A silence falls but Ben looks comfortable. His confidence irritates me. He’s not nervous. It’s obvious he feels no need to try and impress me or seek my approval. Jude must not have talked about me much, seeing as he thinks my opinion of him means nothing. He thinks he’s golden and that Jude is all his. He’s here to pick up Jude and I’m just the nobody roommate.
“So, Ben,” I say, crossing my arms. “What do you do?”
“I run a guide service out of the shop near the resort. Backcountry tours, snowshoeing in winter, hiking in summer. I’m on the mountain more than I’m behind a counter.”
“Sounds fun.”
“It is. I get to be outside most of the time, which is all I really want.” He meets my gaze steadily. “I heard you and Jude went snowboarding together.”
“That’s right.” I smile politely. “Do you snowboard?”
“Hell yeah.” Ben laughs. “In fact, Jude and I talked about going soon. I can’t wait.”
My stomach tenses. “That’s great.” I’m irrationally annoyed that he’s going snowboarding with Jude. That day Jude and I snowboarded is still special to me. We had a blast. There wasthat one weird moment between us when Jude lost his balance and we were so close I could smell his warm skin. But I mostly pretend that didn’t happen. I still loved that day.
“Jude and I have so much in common.” Ben sighs.
“Oh, yeah? Like what?” I ask against my better judgement.
“Man, just everything.” Ben beams. “We’re perfect for each other. Fucking perfect.”
Kara laughs. “Oh, wow, you’re not holding anything back, are you, Ben?”
“Why would I?” Ben shrugs. “When you find someone as special as Jude, you need to grab on with both hands. And that’s what I’m doing.”
His confidence irks my wolf. I already struggle with the weird feeling that Jude is mine. He’s acting like they’re soulmates. It’s all I can do not the grab him by the scruff and toss him out the front door. He’s known Jude, what? Two weeks? Who does this punk think he is?
But then Jude appears on the stairs and Ben’s whole face lights up. His eyes soften and he smiles. My anger fades and I feel sick as I watch the two of them. It’s clear he likes Jude. Genuinely likes him. And the warm smile Jude gives Ben in return makes my chest ache. Jude isn’t faking that. He really likes Ben too.
They’re falling in love.
“Sorry,” Jude says, as he reaches the bottom of the stairs. “I lost track of time.”
“No worries.” Ben moves to meet him. “Ready?”
“Yeah.” Jude glances at me and Kara. “See you guys later.”
“Have fun, you two,” Kara calls brightly.
I say nothing because my throat is so tight and dry, I can’t speak.
They leave together, and through the window I watch Ben open the passenger door of his truck for Jude. It’s a small, caring gesture. Jude ducks his head as he climbs in, and I think I see him laughing at something Ben says.
“They’re cute together,” Kara says from behind me.
I turn from the window. “Yeah.”
“Ben seems like a really nice guy. I’m glad Jude found someone.”
“Me too,” I force myself to say.
Until I saw Ben and Jude together this evening, I had this idea in my mind that Ben was a player. A guy simply trying to sleep with Jude. From what I just witnessed, that isn’t what’s going on at all. Ben is sincerely into Jude, and it seems to be mutual.
I go back to cooking dinner, but I’m struggling big time. Kara expects to spend the night, but I don’t think I can handle that. I’m sick from thoughts of Ben and Jude together. Physically ill. I can’t shake the panicked feeling that something has been taken from me. Stolen. It wouldn’t be right to sleep with Kara when I’m feeling so confused.
Once Kara and I have eaten dinner, we do the dishes together. I struggle to find the words to uninvite her from sleeping over. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I seriously need to be alone tonight. Something is wrong with me, seriously wrong. If she stays the night, she might figure out what a fucked up mess I am.
