The department?“Yeah, course.So…”
“Ben, I can’t talk to you about this.He’s told us all not to.I’ve probably said more than I should already.”
“Jesus!Whatis itwith you fucking people!What’s he gonna do?Kill you all if you don’t do what he says?”
Tim stopped on the canal path and regarded Ben for a moment.Ben walked on defensively.He assumed the look was because he was behaving badly.He was, and hated himself for it.
Tim caught up to him.“I’ve been doing some reading up on memory loss in some of my old psychology books.”
Ben quirked his lips in apology, recognising a polite way of changing the subject when he heard it.“And?”
“It’s interesting but still a very unknown area.”
“Nik reckoned it wasn’t like fiction—that I wouldn’t have a sort of oh my God moment when I see something that brings it all back.”
“Well, as usual with Nikolas—and this is something you’ll remember one day—he’s wrong.There have been a number of cases where that exact thing has happened.One woman lost her autobiographical memory, just like you, played a game of tennis, and when she missed a shot it all came flooding back to her—she’d missed a shot like that in childhood, apparently.Another man went for an operation, and lying on the operating table brought his memory back.”
“That’s good then?”
“Most cases of amnesia are fakes, of course.”
“Fake?What do you mean?”
“Well, people—for whatever reason—decide to have a reset in their lives.Some choose a whole new identity and it’s pure luck—bad for them, I suppose—that they get recognised and their old lives intrude.”
They carried on for a while, Ben digesting this information.“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.Anything except pretty much everything, because he’d kill me if I told you.”
“Are you gay?”
Tim laughed.“Okay, being gay I can talk about—we actually already have talked about it.Extensively.Although, on second thoughts, don’t tell Nikolas that either.Yes, in answer to your question, I am.”
“Can you…is it possible…?I mean…Can you have sex with another bloke butnotbe gay?”
Tim stopped and toed the ground for a moment.“That didn’t take him long.Two days?That must be a record.Okay.Well, I think the jury is still out on that one.Some people would say yes, of course: experimentation.Some people would say if you have sex with another guy you’re fooling yourself if you think you’re not gay.”
“What do you think?”
“When we first met, you were entirely amoral about sex.You used it like a weapon to further your aims.Then you fell in love and that switch turned off overnight.So, if you ask me, I’d say there’s more complexity in human sexuality than we’ve got time to chat about over a walk to the pub.I read a story the other day about a woman, a lesbian, who was in a relationship with another woman, but then had a sex change and became a man, andthenleft his wife who’d been his lesbian partner and took up with a man—as a man.”
“Huh?”Ben was struggling.“Why didn’t she—he—she just stay a woman?”
“My point exactly.Who knows the human heart?”
“I guess that explains why I like wearing dresses—What?Why are you laughing?”
* * *
“Where’s Katie?”
“She isn’t coming.What do we know?”
Squeezy and Jackson eyed each other blankly.Without Kate, they were clearly at something of a loss.Nikolas had always suspected their updates to him on most subjects came courtesy of Kate who did all the research and then handed it over to them to present.
“Where is she?”
“She’s left.I’ll be taking on someone new.”
