“She knows me?”
Nikolas hesitated.“Yes, of course.”
“Was I working for you when you were married?”
“Yes.”
“Huh.”
Nikolas caught Ben’s gaze.“Don’t try to bully her into telling you all these things you want to know.She won’t.”
Nikolas smiled privately—that’s exactly what Ben had been thinking.Ben was even frowning at the coincidence of Nikolas apparently knowing his thoughts.
“I’ve told her what’s happened—in outline.”
Ben was still frowning, playing with the salt and pepper.“I feel like everyone’s laughing at me.That I’m the butt of a joke I don’t get.”
Nikolas laid his hand over Ben’s for one brief touch.“Don’t.That couldn’t be further from the truth.Ben, look at me.”Ben did, a reluctant pout testing Nikolas’s attempt not to smile openly.“Your friends are very fond of you.This has devastated everyone, and all we want is what’s best for you.If I thought telling you all the things you don’t remember was the right thing to do, I’d tell you now, right here, this minute.But if telling you will hurt you, then I’d rather have you like this than risk losing you again.”
“Again?”
Nikolas took a deep breath, but before he could deflect the question, Ben changed it.“Haveme?”
Trying to regroup, Nikolas was blindsided when Ben suddenly exclaimed, “Fucking hell!I’m not a bodyguard at all, am I?That’s why there’s nothing for me to do.”
Nikolas had rarely been glad to see food arriving but he was then.It took some time for the waiter to lay the dishes out and serve from them and then check if all was well, and then the wine was refreshed, so by the time they were alone again some of Ben’s urgency about his role had been diverted to other concerns.He began to tackle his meal as if it was about to be stolen off him.Nikolas allowed himself to smile openly and picked more delicately at his salad.He was about to introduce a neutral topic of conversation to keep Ben’s mind distracted when Ben asked around a mouthful of steak, “So?”
Nikolas flicked his gaze over to Ben’s expectant expression and sighed.“No.You’re not.”
Ben swallowed.“And I—what then?What do I do?Why am I in—am I in ANGEL like the others?”
Nikolas could think of nothing to say to explain it.He was staring at Ben’s green eyes, about to form a lie, a truth, anything to just extend the time Ben didn’t have to know, when a nervous voice piped up, “Hi.I hope you don’t mind, mum said you were eating, but can I…?”A piece of paper was thrust at Ben.And a pen.Ben stared down at this bizarre offering and then at the young girl who’d made it.She smiled hopefully.“Your autograph?I loved the film you made about the girls’ school in Afghanistan.We raised some money in class for them.Everyone’ll be sooo jealous when I tell them I’ve met you.”Ben signed and handed the paper back to her with a wide-eyed incomprehension that only served to make him seem humble.She thanked him and returned to her table where an older woman gave Ben a nod of thanks as the girl sat back down with her family, showing everyone her prize.
Nikolas felt a weight being lifted from him, and before Ben could ask the obvious, announced, “That’swhat you do.You’re my spokesman for ANGEL—thefaceof ANGEL.You’ve become quite famous.”
Ben leant back in his seat.He seemed to be having trouble computing this and Nikolas couldn’t blame him.As far as Ben was concerned, he was his twenty-two-year-old self.Nikolas wouldn’t have trusted twenty-two-year-old Ben tobuya TV, let alone appear on one.He’d been good at what he did: killing things.
“Why didn’t you tell me?Why the secrecy and the bodyguard crap?”
It came in useful sometimes, Nikolas reflected, being a professional, practiced liar.“Because you’d have wanted to see all the films you’ve made for me—the documentaries.Andrea Gillian contended they would be too much for your shattered—damaged—restingmind to cope with.”
“Resting?”Ben repeated it with such wry derision that Nikolas had to smile to hide a more embarrassing response.Ben was his heart and, occasionally, as in that expression, it beat exactly as it should.
Nikolas paid the bill, which didn’t seem at all odd to him, as he’d been paying for them both since he’d met Ben, but Ben immediately fumbled for a wallet, which he didn’t have, and then seemed embarrassed out of all proportion to the offence.He was even more humiliated when the bill was just over five hundred pounds.He didn’t comment on this until they were walking back to the car but then asked in a very quiet voice, “Has the economy crashed since I can remember?”
Nikolas frowned.It was the first time in his memory he’d heard Ben use the word economy.It was novel.“Some.Gold had a slump recently.Why?”
“Five hundred pounds!Shit.Last meal I ate out was, I don’t know, twenty quid?And that was forfourof us.Ask Squeezy!He was there.I’ll pay you back when I get sorted, ’k?”
Nikolas gave him an odd look and in his mind, just for amusement, began to try and work out how much money Ben owed him.If he counted holidays, first class air travel, presents, the bike, clothes, general living and, of course, a house, he reckoned about fifty million would cover it nicely.He gravely accepted the offer of the two hundred and twenty five pounds and made a note to actually collect it when Ben was himself once more.He snorted at this thought, and Ben immediately protested angrily, “What?I will.”
“No, I was just wondering whether, when you regain your memory, you will remember this moment.”
“That’s not what’s worrying me.”
Nikolas stopped walking and took the opportunity to light a cigarette before encouraging Ben to continue.“I was thinking today.This is a bit like taking a holiday, isn’t it?A holiday from being me.Don’t people sometimes change when they’re on holiday?What if I get my memories back but I don’t want the same old things anymore.What if I don’t want to bethatBen Rider anymore?Do you see what I mean?”
Nikolas did—unfortunately.He saw very well indeed.He’d been thinking the same thing for most of the day.
