Ben was staring around, riding easily, loose in the saddle, his body clearly recalling things his mind didn’t.Nikolas wondered idly what would happen if he took Ben down to the soft moorland grass and did the things he wanted to him.Would Ben’s body respond to that hard penetration, even while his mind rejected it?
They rode slowly until they reached a high point where a smooth valley between two tors allowed them to give their horses free rein.Nikolas closed his eyes for strength for one moment then suggested, “Race?”
Ben grinned.“Winner takes all?”
Nikolas nodded, although he knew Ben couldn’t mean what that usually did between them.Ben suddenly kicked his horse to life.Nikolas laughed.Ben had never oncenotcheated in any race they’d had.He’d let Ben get a head start and then casually beat him.That’s just the way they were together.He never let Ben beat him in anything.He knew Ben would want that if he could remember.
He galloped his horse alongside Ben’s, nudging him slightly with his thigh so Ben was badly placed to take a jump across the remnant of Drake’s Leat, which crossed this part of the moors.Ben’s horse predictably faltered, so Nikolas, taking the jump cleanly, pulled easily ahead.He heard Ben swearing and then they were close again.The finish line was approaching—a wall built centuries ago by French prisoners of war with a gap in which only one horse could pass through at a time.First one through won.
Nikolas was through a couple of lengths ahead of Ben and slowed his horse, urging her in circles in triumph.He swung one leg up over her neck and slid gracefully to the ground.Ben reined in and copied him, although dismounting more traditionally.They were both panting and laughing.Nikolas’s horse swung her head and nudged him hard, and he was pushed toward Ben.He caught her and fished in his pocket for her treat then offered one to Ben’s horse.This brought them closer still.Nikolas could sense some emotion pouring off Ben at the same rate as the heat from his body—but frustratingly not what it was.Ben was staring around at the moors, which stretched in every direction, smooth, undulating green and golden brown broken only by rocky outcrops.He suddenly turned to Nikolas, his eyes alight.“I feel…I feel happy.”He chuckled.“Isn’t that weird?—considering.”
“It’s this place.”
Ben shook his head.“Maybe.But that’s only part of it.It’s…something else.”He suddenly huffed and brushed at Nikolas’s chest.“Mud.”
Nikolas took a sharp intake of breath, and Ben snatched his hand away.
* * *
Later that day, Ben discovered Squeezy and the other man, Tim, had returned to London.He was alone in the house with his boss now, which was fine, except he was having a hard time working out what it was he actually did.Nikolas didn’t give him any jobs to do, and there didn’t appear to be any actual guarding needing doing.He was free to roam around and amuse himself.He found himself gravitating to wherever Nikolas was and finally tracked him down in the study, which was part of his boss’s private suite at the back of the vast house, a book-lined extension of the bedroom Nikolas was talking on the phone, tapping restlessly on his desk with a pen.He didn’t appear to have heard Ben, so not wanting to interrupt, Ben sat quietly in the bedroom, waiting.He couldn’t hear what was being said on the other end of the call, but Nikolas snapped, “Did you check his offices?”Then, after a pause, “No!He fucking injected me with something.He knew what was going on.I want him found.”Again, whoever was on the other end of the call spoke rapidly, but Nikolas interjected, “There were other actors—in the pub.Find them, and find out who was paying them and how.We follow the money trail.”He put the handset down and ran his fingers through his hair.
Ben stood up uncertainly.
Nikolas swung around.“Ben?”He glanced at the telephone.“Fuck.”
Swiftly, Nikolas stood and came toward Ben, taking his arm.“Are you all right?”
Ben was thinking, but whatever it was that would make everything make sense was just out of his reach and stayed tantalisingly distant.He toed the carpet for a while.“Strange charity you run.”
Nikolas nodded.“But you’re okay?”
“What were you talking about?Was that about me?”
“Not directly.Are you hungry?Do you want to go out to eat tonight?”
Ben immediately changed tack and nodded happily.As he was leaving to change, he asked, confused, “Do we go out to eat together often?”
Nikolas chuckled.“That I will tell you.Yes—you definitely can’t cook.”
* * *
It was tricky for Nikolas deciding which restaurant would most likely spark safe memories for Ben and which might bring on more troubling ones.Some of the places they went, Ben had also gone with his newly discovered family, the Redvers, and as they’d subsequently tried to murder him, Nikolas wanted to avoid those now, although Ben didn’t find them troublesome to revisit normally.In the end, he drove them into Exeter to a new bistro that had only just opened in the Cathedral Close and they’d been planning to visit but hadn’t gotten around to.Safe.Neutral.
After they’d ordered, they had some time to wait for the food to arrive.They usually amused themselves by arguing—Nikolas being irritating and Ben rising to it until he realised he was being had and then retaliating by using the intimate knowledge he had of things Nikolas would prefer not to talk about.Now Nikolas was at something of loss.Every subject seemed fraught with danger.He could have saved himself the trouble of trying to think up a topic to introduce when Ben asked, “Do you have a girlfriend—being divorced, an’ all?”
Nikolas drank his wine quickly and ordered another bottle.Three-glass limit was being temporarily suspended.“Not currently.”Before the conversation spiralled down into things he didn’t want to discuss, he announced, “I’m going back to London tomorrow.I want you to stay here.Rest.Relax.”
“No, I need to come with you.What kind of bloody bodyguard am I if I stay here?”
“A sick one at the moment.”
“I don’t want to be left on my own.What good will that do me?”
“You won’t be alone.I’ve asked my wife—ex-wife—to come over and—”
“Babysit me?”
Nikolas chuckled.“That’s what she said.She warned me you’d be annoyed.”
