“You were in a plane crash.”
“I was?Fucking hell.”
“Donotswear at me, Ben, I don’t—”
Very slowly, Ben’s eyes lifted from his scar.At the look, Nikolas’s familiar refrain dried in his mouth.
Ben stood slowly, fastening his jeans.“You’ve said that to me before.”
“Yes, I believe only a few moments ago!”
“No,beforebefore.Beforethisbefore.You.I remember you.Telling me not to swear.”
He could probably see by Nikolas’s reaction that this wasn’t the great revelation he’d hoped it to be.“What’s wrong?That’s good, yeah?”
Nikolas nodded.“Of course.I’m sorry.It is good.Perhaps this will just be a trickle of returning memory until you have it all—some of the more important things I might have shared with you in eight years—other than telling you not to swear.”
Ben put a hand on Nikolas’s arm.“It was you saying itnowthat did it.Maybe you could say or do other things that are normal for us.Everyone is tiptoeing around me trying not to be…normal.I mean…Squeezy.Is that normal now?”
Nikolas wobbled his hand.“Not in front of me, no.They hadn’t seen each other for some days, and your friend was missing…” He had a sudden and slightly evil thought and asked before he talked himself out of it, “Do you know how your friend got that ridiculous name?”
Ben chuckled.“Course.When we first met, we had a who-can-take-the-most-squeezing-of-his-balls competition and he won—bloody strong hand.”
Nikolas’s eyebrows rose.
Ben was clearly consumed with his new idea now and carried on talking enthusiastically, following Nikolas to the kitchen.“Do you see what I’m saying?You’re all pussyfooting around my memory, scared it’ll come back and wham me or something.Maybe you should force it back by being totally normal around me—telling me everything.”
Nikolas leant on the counter and sighed.“What if you don’t like the way things are now?What if, over the ten years you’re missing, you changed?”
“What do you—?”
“What if, for example, you’d fallen in love during those missing years…?”
“You mean Kate?”
“No, not Kate.Someone twenty-two-year-old you wouldn’t have fallen for.Someone you don’t remember but have known for almost nine years.”
Ben came closer.“The whole time of my missing memory?I’ve been in a relationship that whole time with someone?Not Kate?”
“No!Forget Kate!Someoneelse!”
“Where is she?Why isn’t she here?Why can’t I meet her?”
Nikolas gritted his teeth.“And what would you say, Benjamin?Hello, who are you?”
Ben looked crestfallen then angry.“Well, I wouldn’t remember her, so I might, yes, I guess, why?”
“Well, fucking hell!How would that make them feel?”
Ben’s fury appeared to falter, and he leant on the counter across from Nikolas, so close their fingers almost touched on the cool granite.“That’s…so you’re keeping her from me forhersake?To protect her?”
Nikolas nodded.
“But she could be the key!Surely if we’ve been together that long, I’ll still love her when I meet her.I’ll know her!I’msureI will.”He suddenly shot out his hand and grabbed Nikolas’s wrist.“I’llpretenduntil I do remember.Where is she?I want to meet her.”
“Pretend?”
“Yes!She doesn’t have to know I’ll be pretending.Only you and I will, but I’ll go along with her until my memories start to come back.Maybe they’ll trigger quickly…shit, I don’t believe I’d forget sex with someone—I remembered Kate, didn’t I?We had alotof sex, trust me.Please, sir.I need to remember.”Suddenly, he appeared to see something in Nikolas’s expression and hung his head.“Bloody hell, have I become a selfish bastard in these ten years?”
