Ben went back to concentrating on his driving.
Aleksey got out his phone and went back to Christmas Day on Light Island. He was curious to see what an old lighthouse keeper had thought to buy for a fifteen-year-old girl.
Oh my goodness, oh my goodness! William has bought me a record player. It’s the best present I’ve ever had. He says in his card that it’s from all of them—to cheer me up a bit. I’m crying now. It’s in a bright red leather case with a handle, so I can carry it around like a tiny picnic basket. And he’s wrapped up one record, a 45 by someone called Acker Bilk, which is a bit of a silly name. It’s called Stranger on the Shore and William says it was written for someone called Jenny, and that’s my name in English, and that I was a stranger on the shore of La Luz when he first saw me but now I’m not. It’s the saddest music I’ve ever heard and it just makes me cry more.
He blew his cheeks out. ‘You said we can get any music we want on that thing?’ He waved his hand vaguely at the dashboard.
‘You? Want music? Yeah, anything. Spotify, Apple…’
‘No, I don’t want those, I want something called Stranger on the Shore by someone called Acker Bilk.’
Ben laughed at something but pressed things.
The haunting tones of a lone clarinet began to emerge from their vast array of speakers. It was a little surreal. He could tell Ben was listening intently too.
He let it play on but resisted glancing into the back seats. Music conjured ghosts. He could now feel Jenna’s presence with him.
1 January
January is a horrible month. I hate it. I’m not going to make any New Year’s resolutions. What’s the point? Lily says she’s going to try and lose a stone. Mrs D thinks I must be stealing food because I never eat but she had to help me let my skirt out today. I think she suspects something. It’s on all our minds anyway because in her newspaper today it said Her Majesty would undertake no public engagements after July, which Mrs D said means she’s having a baby. You can’t say pregnant when it’s the queen. It’s not posh. She must have been expecting when Lily and I saw her. No wonder they looked so happy. So I suppose I’ll have to stop my public engagements after July too. If it wasn’t so sad I’d laugh. Can you die of sadness? I cry all the time. Lily is very quiet and she’s watching me now. I think I will write to Gerren and tell him. I’ll say I’m sorry I threw his ring at him and I hope he’s doing well in his training. I’ll ask him if we’re still going to get married. Maybe he’ll come with Boatman one day, and he’ll get down on one knee and do it properly and I’ll be Mrs Gerren Roskilly after all. Being Jenna Tregenza is too hard. I turned sixteen today. I didn’t tell anyone except Elvis. I’ve stuck him on my cover now. I’ll give him a heart each month. Maybe that will bring Gerren here.
‘Can we play something else?’
Aleksey shook himself. The clarinet was coming to the part where it soared an octave. ‘No, leave it.’ He stared out at the October moors. It had started to rain. Ben seemed fascinated with his new wipers.
1 March
Spring is so lovely on La Luz. The birds in the morning are unbelievably loud! Lily gave her uniform to me last week. She knows. She’s quite fat because of all the pasties she used to eat for free, so at least I have something to wear. She told Mrs D she lost hers. How can you lose your uniform! She’s so funny. But she’ll get a new one and she’s taking all the blame. I love Lily. I’ve told her she can be my bridesmaid. I’ve not heard back from Gerren. Boatman said he’d posted my letter. I sent it to HMS Raleigh, which is where William said he’d be if he was training in Plymouth. How many Gerren Roskillys can there be in the world? But sometimes I wonder if he was just lying to me about joining the navy. Maybe he went off on the fishing boats with his dad. Maybe he went to America. He always said he wanted to.
‘Please. Can we turn it off! It’s doing my head in.’
28 March
William was washing his Christmas socks today, which is a bit worrying as it’s almost the end of March! He had them pegged up on the rail blowing in the wind. He’s so funny. I took them all some biscuits I’d baked and we sat around and had a lovely cup of tea and a chat. They insisted I had three teaspoons of sugar in mine again as I’m very pale. I know I am. I still don’t eat anything. I’ve heard things though—if you don’t eat. It wouldn’t be a sin, would it, if it was just because I wasn’t eating? I won’t throw myself down the stairs or anything. If I did something like that I’d do it off the lighthouse and I’d fly a little before I hit. Maybe if you die when you’re flying you keep on soaring forever. I wonder if the queen is fat yet. There are no pictures of her in the paper. Mrs D gets a bit of gossip sometimes from her sister who works for one of the ladies in waiting. I suppose the whole country is in waiting now. Everyone wants it to be a boy of course.
‘Right. That’s it.’ The music suddenly clicked off. Aleksey shook himself and looked up. They were now behind a caravan. Ben was tapping his fingers, and Aleksey smiled when he realised Ben’s ire had not really been directed at Acker Bilk at all.
Suddenly, Ben cursed, ‘Fuck it.’ He slammed his foot down.
Aleksey’s neck, not entirely pain-free since their accident, was pressed into the seat. He thought he felt his eyes bulging for a moment and then they were past and back in their own lane.
Ben swallowed.
Their speed increased for the rest of the trip noticeably after that.
***
Chapter Thirty-seven
Aleksey was very glad they were going by ferry again. He could enjoy the first part of the trip now. Once more they parked in the allocated spot and Ben gave the car a little pat as he left it with a rather worried expression.
He often wondered whether if Ben had to choose between him and food, which would win out, and now Aleksey supposed he had this car to add into the mix. Ben even went to the stern of the ferry and watched it as they departed. If he sneaked a few photographs, Aleksey didn’t call him on it. It was a head-turner. This thought made him frown a little and he leaned his arms on the rail, foot up, looking at the Bentley. Their Merc had sat in exactly that position for well over a week. The car parking spaces were covered by CCTV. He’d never Peyton’d his own car before. There was a time for everything.
It was cold on deck, and he pulled his long overcoat closer. Ben, leaning next to him, was wearing a navy blue peacoat he’d bought him recently—all lord lieutenants were required to own such a coat.
Ben did not look feral any more. Aleksey had to admit it. He was not the young man he’d taken and moulded into something he’d wanted. Hewasthat creation now. He was wealthy, intelligent, kind, funny, loyal, loving, sexy. And he was entirely his.
He turned around and leaned his back against the rail.
