“There is nothing wrong. Come, we must go. The days are short, and I do not want to be out after sundown.”
“Why not? You love the forest at night.”
“Must you question everything I say? Why can you not just accept my words for meaning exactly what they mean! I have no hidden agenda in this, Aleksey. I want to return. It is getting dark.”
I wriggled back away from our vantage point and stood up, then returned to Xavier, who naturally enough had not been all that happy at being tied to a tree in the proximity of bears.
Aleksey came up to Xavier too and put his hand on my arm. “I am not returning with you unless you admit what is wrong.”
“And pray tell me—where would you go? You do not know where we are.”
“Actually, I do. I am not as stupid and helpless as you seem to think I am. I would follow this river downstream to the coast, and then I would turn south, and the colony would be a few miles farther on at the entrance to the big river.”
Huh, he was right. He had clearly given the route to the colony some considerable thought. “Go, then.” I swung up into the saddle and pulled Xavier’s head to leave. Aleksey was holding my bridle. “Let go.”
“That river will freeze over first.”
“Aleksey—” I did not finish the sentence or the thought. Somehow he unseated me. To this day I’m not quite sure how he did. Perhaps he does not either, for he has not repeated the trick, and it was so successful that I am sure he would have done had he known what he was doing. But being unprepared, I was entirely winded when I hit the ground. It didn’t help that Xavier reared and accidentally clipped me on my forehead with one front hoof. Human scalps bleed fiercely out of all proportion to the amount of blood you would think would be in them. A bright red flow poured immediately over my face, and as I was so badly winded I lay like… well, like death. Which is what Aleksey thought I was. He genuinely thought he’d killed me. He’d pulled me from my horse, heard me hit the ground, and seen Xavier kick me in the head; then, when he’d secured the horse, he’d discovered me covered in blood and lying still. The howl he sent up unnerved me. I think it must have driven off every bear in the vicinity. I opened my eyes, and then he fell upon me, kissing and shaking me and shouting angrily. I may not have attended the new medical universities to become a doctor, but I did know that jolting and screaming at a concussed man was not a good idea. The kissing was all right; that, I was sure, would improve my condition. Eventually I sat up, with Aleksey pressing a piece of his shirt to my head wound. It was still bleeding spectacularly and hurt like all manner of unpleasantness, given pain was relative to me now after my experiences in Hesse-Davian dungeons.
Aleksey shook me one more time. He looked as if he wanted to hit me, and I winced slightly in expectation of this. “Why did you do that? You stupid fool, Niko!”
I think my jaw dropped in outrage, and he smirked. I snapped my mouth shut, annoyed at being teased, given I was in pain, confused, stunned, and heartbroken. He dabbed at my wound until I held his hand off and climbed unsteadily to my feet. I leaned against the tree for a moment and felt his arms come around me, his lips to my neck. “Tell me what is wrong. For I thought I had murdered you. And that would have upset me no end. I would take days to get over killing you so.”
“Would you?”
“Well, a couple of days. I am not hard-hearted.”
“But you are a liar, aren’t you? You have deceived me.” I turned in his arms and held him off.
“What do you—”
“Don’t. It’s beneath you.”
He held his head. And in that one moment I saw all my folly. I had only been playing with the thought of his betrayal. I had not really believed it. If I had, I would not have carried on a normal day—brought him to see the bears, brought my new bow. If I had truly believed he had betrayed me, there would be no familiar days again. For either of us.
The realization hit me like a blow, and I staggered, more wounded than I had been from the fall or the blow to my head. He looked up, startled, and caught me, his eyes wide with fear. “God, what is wrong? You are entirely white! Sit down!”
I collapsed more than sat, my heart beating so rapidly I was surprised I could not see it moving the fabric of my shirt. “You have lied to me!”
He nodded sadly, kneeling alongside me. “I’m sorry, Niko. I didn’t mean it. Truly I didn’t. But the temptation was too strong. I couldn’t resist! How could I? I mean… given what you are.”
Oh God, he killed me, and then he stabbed me again to hurt more. “What I am? Am I that terrible?” I had imagined him tempted by the irresistible—not running from something repulsive. The first, I could forgive, understand—after all, had I not already reasoned he was only at the beginning of this journey and had all such temptation ahead of him?—but to tell me he found me abhorrent and was running from me… that was too awful to hear.
He moved to sitting cross-legged and put his hand on my thigh. “You know you are, Nikolai. I just could not resist. Do you see?”
I looked off into the distance at the darkness of the forest. “Do you think I will just acquiesce? Do you understand me so little after all we have been to each other?”
He lowered his eyes. “Well, I expected some grumpiness and complaining, but then you are grumpy about everything and complain about everything. But I knew I’d be able to talk you round. I did not expect you to throw yourself off your horse and injure yourself for sympathy, however.”
I creased my brows in disbelief, which made my scalp bleed again. “You think this is funny? You joke about this?”
“Well, you are a little bit comical, yes. I wish I could get to the water. Your face is awful now. They may be there when we return, and though I want them to be terrified and in awe of you, I do not want them to run screaming! Although that would be very amusing to watch.”
I thought the blow to my head had done more damage than I’d realized. I could make no sense of this at all. He was leaving me. That was all I could focus on. I grabbed his arm before he could rise. “He is coming here? To fetch you? From me?”
“Huh? Well, yes, I was going to tell you. But you have been bad-tempered with me all day, and so you made me feel guiltier than I already was for agreeing to this without telling you, so I did not tell you. If you see what I mean.”
I did not. “Aleksey. You are leaving me for someone you met in the colony, and he is coming here, to our cabin, to take you from me? Is that what you are telling me? Because if it is, I will kill you both—and I will not do it quickly.”
