He's fishing.I resent it.But I also appreciate that he cares about her enough to pry.So Igive him the truth."I love her."
He nods like he wasexpecting it, but also like he needed to hear it.
A few more minutes passbefore he speaks again."You know, I didn't just mean about Forbes.When I said she's been through a lot…" He glances at me, and I wishhe'd keep his eyes on the fucking highway in front of him."Youknow about Cameron Foster?"he asks.
"Yeah.She told me whathappened."
Chip nods."It was hard onall of us.But for her… it's what sent her over the edge."This isit, my lead in.I shouldn't need to ask.I should be secure enoughin my relationship not to feel threatened by her past.But here Iam, just the same.
"What was their deal?"I ask him, feeling like the world'sbiggest fucking pussy.But this might be my only chance to reallyunderstand what I'm dealing with here.
Because I can accept thatshe loves him.I can accept that he'll always be here, ineverything we do, because he's a part of who she is.I'm okay withthat, honestly.I can even accept that they may have had unresolvedfeelings that went beyond being platonic best friends.But I needto know how deep that went.
Because as much as I wishit wasn't true, her heart has a past.
She had real feelingsforthat motherfucking bastardat one point, too.After all, she stayed with himfor months, even before he started hurting her.
And she had his fuckingfootball tee shirt by her bed.
And then the day afterthey broke up, she was making out with her best friend, who sheloved, and who certainly loved her.And while her heart has a past,mine has known only her, will only ever know her.
So I need to know whatwe're taking with us into this relationship.Because I'll dowhatever it takes to keep her, to make her want to stay withme.
Chip watches me curiously,as if vaguely suspicious of my angle, but also kind of like heunderstands why I'm asking, and that pisses me off.I don't want itto be understandable.I want to be overreacting.I want there to benothing to be worried about.
I don't blink.I just waitfor him to answer me.
Finally, he sighs andshakes his head."They had a special bond, you know?"hesays.
No, I don't fuckingknow.
Yes, I do know.
"They were like brotherand sister… but thennotbrother and sister, you—"
My glare tells him thatasking ifI knowagain isn't the best strategy in making me take this anybetter.I just hope it doesn't make him change his mind aboutopening up.
He shakes his head again,as if amused by me, and that pisses me off even more.But he keepstalking so I let it go.
"He was in love with her.Cam.Always.Since we were little kids… I mean, we all loved Rory.But Cam… it was just different," he says.
I don't say a word.I justlisten, trying to understand.
Chip sighs again."It'snot like he talked about it.It was just obvious to most of us.Inthe way he treated her, the way he talked about her.He spent mostof his time with her… He was my best friend, but she was his bestfriend.We were all close, but he just… he lived for her.That'sthe best way to explain it.
"Cam was the shit, too.Hewas good at sports, ridiculous at football, he just wasn't as intoit as he should have been.He liked writing shit, had a journal.Never let me near the thing… And Rory loved him, too…"
My heart stills.I hold mybreath.I hate hearing about her feeling for another guy the wayshe's supposed to feel only for me.I know it isn't fair to beupset over her past.But it's not like I'm angry with her.I'm justjealous that another man had her heart before I did, when she's theonly one to have ever even come anywhere near mine.
"But not like he lovedher… She was also naïve.You know, she was friends with all guys,and we were talkin' about her tits before she even realized we'dnoticed she'd grown them."
He stops talking abruptlywhen he realizes I'm barely holding myself back from clocking him.I know how twelve year old boys talk about girls, and the thoughtof him talking about Rory like that makes my already doubly pissedoff mood land straight into fucking mad.
I notice Chip swallownervously, and though I'm trying my damnedest not to show myfeelings about that last fucking comment he made about Rory, I'mnot sure I succeed.
"We were guys, and wedidn't talk about this stuff in front of her, so no one did.Untilshe started hanging out with these bitchy chicks junior year.Thatincludes her dickhead ex's extra-bitchy sister.So Rory kinda wentfrom innocent late bloomer to thrown to the fuckin' wolves in amatter of months."
Fuck.
