Finally I watch the stresshe's been carrying fade away."That's really fucking good to hear,baby girl," he murmurs as he presses his forehead tomine.
Slowly, his lips inchcloser to mine, until they're brushing against them in a soft,sweet kiss.I kiss him back hard.It feels different somehow, moreintense, like our connection is the only thing in the world thatmatters now.Like knowing Robin and his shadow are locked in a cellhas shifted the focus of our lives back where itbelongs.
Sam's lips pick up pace,caressing mine, sucking my bottom lip the way he does until helicks the seam of my mouth.I open for him, welcoming him in.Thiskiss is freedom.It is relief and hope and rediscovery.
His tongue finds mine andI deepen the kiss even more.His arms slip around me, pulling meflush against him, and the feel of my soft, modest curves pressinginto the hard planes of his body turns the kiss into need.It'sbeen so long since I've been really intimate with him and I want totouch him, want to feel him.I want to feel himeverywhere.
I feel myself melt intohim, feel myself submit to his pull.It's unfathomable—the effecthe has on me.He pulls away and stares at me.
"I can't lose you again,Ror," he murmurs.
I shake my head.I wouldnever leave him.I never wanted to leave him the first timearound.
"I'm not built for it.Iknow that now."He takes a deep breath."Do you know how many timesI told myself I would let you go?That I evencouldlet you go?"He laughs again."I told myself I would be your friend.You know, just be there foryou and watch out for you.That I would stop thinking about you allthe damn time, stop staring at you whenever you were in the room.That I wouldn't touch you, because I knew that would fuck up myresolve.Because then I would do something stupid like kiss you.And put myself out there again, when you'd already made it clear,you know, how you felt.God, I didn't want to ever feel thatvulnerable again…fuck,I'm a pussy," he groans adorably, and I think myheart actually, literally flutters.
"I think you're real damnsexy—you being open about all that," I say honestly, loving hiswords, wanting to memorize them, so any time I think about our timeapart, how lonely and heartbroken I was, I can reassure myself thatI'd never really lost Sam in the first place.That he'd alwayswanted me too.
"I'm not the sexy one," hereplies.His fingers reach up and tuck a wayward strand of hairbehind my ear, and his thumb lingers, brushing over my cheek in ashivery trail of heat, blazing to my heart… andelsewhere.
Sam's gaze turns lustful.But there's also something else there.Something I now recognize,because I've seen it in him before, and mirror it back in my owngaze.His affection overwhelms me, my entire body growing bothexcited and relaxed, wanting to give myself to this man in earnest.His palm holds my cheek and scalp in a soft grip and he inches myface toward his as his other arm slips around my waist.Fortunatelyit holds my weight when his lips meet mine again and my kneesweaken.He yanks me against him and I'm both willing and eager,kissing him back with the desperate fervor of every kiss I missedwhile I'd let fear rule my life.When I'd let Robin win.I willnever let that happen again.
I force the will to pry mymouth from Sam’s.He gasps above me, his breath stolen from theforce of our kiss, his brow furrowed in question, asking why Ipulled away.
"I love you," I whisper,answering his silent question.They're words we've both held backsince the last time we were here in this suite, but right now Ineed to say them, need him to hear them.
Sam's face drains of anydiscernible emotion and my heart stutters.But then I read what ismost definitely awe."Say it again," he rasps.
My smile is wide andinsuppressible."I love you," I repeat, happily complying with hisdemand.
"Don't you fucking forgetit again," he growls, before his lips crash against mine in afiercely claiming kiss.
His tongue reclaims mymouth, rediscovering territory it's long owned, until abruptly hismouth is gone, and my eyelids take a moment to flutter open anddazedly meet his gaze.
"I love you too, you knowthat right?It just hit me that maybe you hadn't realized that I'dnever stopped.And that I hadn't said it back, because I thought itwas a given.But just to be clear, I fucking love you, babygirl."
Before I can even respondhis mouth is back on mine and he's lifting me until my legs flyaround his waist.
His lips lick and sucktheir way down the column of my neck and I suck in a gasp of air.We're moving, but my eyes are shut tight, my head thrown back, andthough I expect to land on the bed, my back is pushed up againstthe wall instead.
The sensation startles meand my body stiffens, my eyes shooting open.My pulse races and mybreaths come too fast.Suddenly I'm not here in this hotel roomwith the man I love.My back isn't cushioned by the upholsteredwall of this luxurious suite, no, it's shoved violently against thewall of the Linton High School locker room, the brick wall of thatalley.
Sam senses my reaction andhe pulls back to look at me, but he doesn't release me.I close myeyes again, trying to regain my bearings.I tell myself I'm okay.Iremind myself that Robin is locked up, that Sam would never hurtme, that there's nothing violent about what he's doing.
"Baby, open youreyes."
But I can't.Rationally Iknow where I am, but some irrational part of me is terrified thatif I open my eyes, I'll be back there, with Robin.
Sam brushes his noseagainst mine nuzzling me affectionately."Look at me, Ror," heimplores.
I pry my eyes open and I'mimmediately staring into midnight blue, soft andcompassionate.
"You are here, with me,"he says.I don't know how he knows, but he does."Breathe."
I do.I take a deepbreath, in, then let it out.Sam smiles in approval and it relaxesme.
"What's our safeword?"
"Calculus," Iwhisper.
