He's not really asking me,he's asking fate.Neither of us have an answer for him.
I swallow the lump in mythroat."You snuck into his hotel room and sent that message?"Idon't know why I ask him to admit it again.
"Yes."
I'll never forget theterror I felt reading those words.The desperation for air, thepain of my chest being constricted by panic.But it's Sam'sdecision to take such a big risk, to frame Robin like that, thathas me reeling.
I stand up."You couldhave gotten into so much trouble!"
"I covered all the bases,Ror," he says in defense.
"The bases?!The bases of aframe job?!Do you haveno regard for your own goddamned future?!"I soundhysterical—Iamhysterical.
Sam stands and approachesme cautiously."No, Rory, I don't."
My jaw drops.
"Not when yourfuckinglifeisat risk.I am sorry—so fucking sorry—that you had to read thosewords, that they scared you.I am so sorry I made you panic andI'll never forgive myself for it.I'm sorry I couldn't tell you thetruth, that I needed it to seem real for your mom, for theprosecutor.But I'm not sorry I did what I had to do to keep mygirl safe."He takes a deep breath."I made you a promise.I keepmy promises.Especially to you."
I stare at him in unveiledshock.
"Look, this wasn't somehaphazard plan.I've had it in the works for weeks.My father toldme the best way to ensure he gets jail time, he helped enlist UncleKelly, and your restraining order was our best card,and—"
"Yourfather?" He doesn't even speak tohis father.
He licks his lips again."He's been helping me.I told you I'd do whatever I had to,Ror."
It hurts me even more, thathe reached out to a man he hates and asked him for help.God, thatmust have been so hard for him."But you hate him…"
Sam's brow furrows."He…he's sober," he says simply.
I understand immediately."He stopped drinking?Like for good?"
Sam nods, his brow stillfurrowed in that adorable way that melts my heart."Five years now.He's… different."
I can't help my small,wistful smile.I don't know how I feel about the man to be honest,it's hard for me to consider the possibility of forgiving anabuser, but it's not for me to judge him.Sam went to his fatherfor help—forme—and found someone different than he remembered.Someone hedoesn't seem to hate.
"That's really great,Sam," I breathe.
Sam sighs, shoving hisfingers through his hair."I don't know what it is, Ror, but itwasn't what I was expecting, that's for sure.Nothing about him iswhat I expected," he admits.He shakes his head, as if it doesn'teven matter, and takes another step toward me."I'm sorry I hurtyou," he says again.He looks worried, like he's awaiting his ownsentencing and I hate it.
"Sam I get your need toprotect me, really I do.I just… you don't need to protect me fromthe truth.I may not always agree with everything you do, but… I doneed you to be honest with me," I tell him."I hate that you liedto me," I admit.
Sam nods, like he deservesall of the condemnation in the world, but he doesn't.
"You've asked me to trustyou, and I have," I remind him."I don't think it's unfair for meto ask for the same in return… I—I know I'm a terrible liar, butstill, you should have told me."
He nods again, but I cantell he's not sure he agrees."GodI wanted to tell you, Ror.You don't know what itwas like for me—seeing you like that, knowing I had the words tofix it, but having to weigh them against putting awaythat motherfucking bastard..."he trails off, like he's still stuck in the conundrumthat has obviously been plaguing him since this morning.
"I'm not angry with you,"I promise him, unable to bring myself to prolong his suffering foreven a moment longer.
"You're not?"He seemsastonished.
I shake my head."Did youseriously think I wouldn't want to stay here with you?"He said hehad to tell me something before we changed our flights, like hethought this would change my mind about spending the next few daysin Miami with him.
Sam shrugs uncertainly.Hereally doesn't get it.
"Jesus, Sam.I just gotyou back.Hell if I'm gonna give you up now," I tellhim.
