"Nothing," I murmurvaguely, hoping someone will change the subject.And Danny doesjust that, and I regret it instantly.
"Hey, what the hellhappened on spring break, bro?"He nods at Thea, and the girls allturn their attention to our conversation."Thea said one of yourfriends got attacked in an alley by some crazy dude?And you beathis ass?Was it that same hot chick?Is she really that hot thatguys can't control themselves?"Danny thinks he's said somethingwitty, and he just keeps on munching his bagel, unaware that I ampummeling him with my gaze.
"Ow!"he yelps, and Idon't have to unlock my glare from my cousin to know Thea must havekicked him.
"You are so freakingstupid sometimes, Danny," Thea practically growls.
"What'd I say?"he asks,truly dumbfounded.
I take deep breaths.Itwould not be helpful if I were to jump across the table and repeatmy mind's actions with my fists.ButGod, how I want to get just one goodone in.When I've convinced myself that I'm in control of my anger,my eyes search for Rory, but she's already excusing herself andfleeing to the bathroom.
Our moms peek over to seewhat the interruption was, and I shove my chair back violently togo after her, but Bits stops me.
"I'll go," she says.Inotice Carl has also gotten up, presumably to do the same thing,and she looks to me for my opinion.The truth is I want to go.Selfishly, I want to see for myself that she's okay, and to be theone to console her if she's upset.Christ, maybe I do have some kind ofhero complex when it comes to her.And for that reason, I nod atBits to go instead.Carl looks at me dubiously, obviously thinkingshe should be the one to go after her friend, but she sits backdown for now.
Bits and Rory have theirown bond.I know they barely know each other, but in other ways,they understand each other better than any of the rest of us can.Bits knows what it's like to feel so desolate she'd rather bedead—as much as that knowledge guts me—and I know she can offerRory a perspective that neither Carl nor I ever could.
My sister has come a longway since last summer, no doubt we have Dr.Schall to thank formuch of it, and through all of her struggles, she's grown intosomeone wise beyond her years.
And, of course, there'sthe additional benefit that Bits looking after Rory frees me up toyell at Danny.I take full advantage.
"What the fuck is wrongwith you?"I demand.Danny's eyes widen and he stops chewingabruptly.
"Sammy!"my mother scolds,but it's not the first time Danny has inadvertently said somethingstupid and set me off.
"She was sitting rightfucking there!"I shout.
"I didn't know!"he saysin defense, as if I hadn't already realized that.
That's not the fuckingpoint!My blood boils in my veins as my heart rate skyrockets.Ifeel my muscles tense, and my mind reels with frustrationovereverything.Over the aching weight in my chest, over the memory ofthatmotherfuckingbastardpawing at Rory, over Danny's bigfucking mouth, and his insistence on fucking up a brunch whereeveryone was actually getting along for once.
"Because you can't take afucking hint!"I slam my palms down onto the table and the dishesrattle dramatically.Out of my peripheral I see my mother stand upin warning.
"Cap," Tucker warns.ButI'm fuming, only vaguely aware that my frustration is onlypartially Danny's fault.And I want to take it out on someone.Iwant to take it out on Danny.
No.
I want to take it out onthe person who deserves it—thatmotherfucking bastard.But he's not here.And if I play my cards right, he'll never beanywhere near Rory again.I take several deep breaths, just likeSchall taught me to deal with myangerissues.And logic prevails.
Danny is a moron and hiswords upset Rory, but the rest of it… it's not hisfault.
I wrench my gaze from myidiot cousin and take in the scene.Everyone is staring at me likeI'm crazy.Like they're afraid of what I might do.Like I'm thefucking monster.
My breath catches in mythroat.They're staring at me like theyused to stare at my father.
I turn from them and startwalking.I head up the stairs and to my bedroom.
I wanted to hit him.Danny.
I didn't do it, I know,and that's got to count for something.Or at least that's what Rorywould tell me.But it still bothers me that I wanted to beat theshit out of my cousin over the fact that he didn't know any betterthan to be the moron that he inescapably is.I sit down on my bed,and drop my head into my hands.
Rationally I know Dannyhad no reason to know about Rory and me, or about Rory being thegirl who'd been assaulted in Miami.A part of me was aware of thateven in the moment I'd been seriously considering acting on myimpulse to pummel him.It's just…does heseriously have to think of the worst thing he could possibly say atevery fucking turn?
I sigh.I stand up andwalk to the window that overlooks the patio.Brunch is continuingon, although seemingly quieter than before.And then Bits walks outand starts whispering something to Carl.I wait for Rory to followafter Bits, but when a few more moments pass and I realize it lookslike Carl is saying goodbye to Tucker, I becomeconcerned.
So concerned, in fact,that I rush back down the stairs to the guest bathroom to which Isuspect Rory fled.The open door reveals the empty room, and myworry grows as I race through the foyer, and out the frontdoor.
I practically skid to astop like a fucking cartoon character.Rory is standing there, herarms wrapped protectively around her middle, her cheeks dry but hereyes inexorably wet.
