"What if you hate her?"Danny asks.
"What if she hatesyou?"I hear Bits mutterunder her breath, and I kick her under the table, grateful that noone else heard.I need this brunch to go smoothly.Fortunately mysister heeds my warning.
"Do you have a roommateyet, Rory?"she asks, but Rory just shakes her head vaguely, lessthan eager to partake too much in the groupconversation.
"Too bad Thea and Cap areliving together, or you could have roomed with her," Chelseaobserves, and I give her an encouraging smile.We had a talkyesterday about how important it is to me that she make an effortwith Rory.And though she seems to think she has done her part byapologizing in the first place, something that has never come easyto Chelsea, she agreed to do her best.
Rory is obviously lessthan thrilled to be socializing with Chelsea.Or at least it'sobvious to me.And I wait to see if she'll even respond, since thelast time Chelsea spoke to her she didn't exactly take the bait.Ihope that our talk had some effect on her, but if it didn't, Idon't want to push her further.I made my case at Andrew's and nowit's up to her what she wants to do.
"Yeah, I guess," shereplies quietly.It's a vague, barely-there response, but it'ssomething, and my chest lightens a bit more.
She is making aneffortforme.I feel a whisper of that headyfeeling she elicits whenever she grants me something, whether smallor significant, that she wouldn't give anyone else.Her confidence,her trust, her touch, even just her smile.It's a dangerous thingthough, a bit like a drug, because even with just this smalltaste, I already want more.
"Thea, maybe you knowsomeone else going to NYU rooming in the dorms?You know, that youcould introduce Rory to?"I ask.I want to do something for herright now.Anything.It's a visceral need I can't control.And so Ifind myself seeking her a college roommate.
Thea thinks a moment, herlips pursed in the way they always are when she'sthinking.
"I don't think so.I mean,I know a couple of other girls who are going, but I don't know thatyou'd like them.They can be kinda bitchy," Theaexplains.
"Uh—" Rory begins torespond, but I interrupt without even meaning to open mymouth.
"She doesn't need to roomwith mean girls, Thea."My voice comes out a bit reproachful, and Iknow it's ridiculous since she hadn't actually suggested she roomwith them.The opposite, in fact.
Thea narrows her eyes atme, but doesn't respond to my tone.Instead, she addressesRory.
"Did you join any of theincoming freshman groups on Facebook?"she asks.
Rory shakes her head."Idon't have Facebook… or any social media accounts," she adds beforeanyone can ask.I know this, of course.I know she had to deleteall of her accounts after she accusedthatmotherfucking bastardof abusing her last year.After all of herfriends turned on her, and harassed her to the point where she hadto fucking move across the country."But… I don't need a roommate.I've requested a single."
Of course she did.Hernightmares.I feel myself getting riled up.It's a familiarfeeling.I get angry any time I think about what she went through.But I keep my temper in check and take a long sip of orange juiceto calm myself.
I hate that Rory lost somuch of herself because ofhim.Her family was destroyed, herfriendships.She lost her connection to her hometown, to herchildhood, and it just seems so fucking unfair that she lost thisconnection too.I'm not especially active on social networkingsites, but I do find some of them useful, and in this day and age,for our generation, it's used for almost everything.Case in point:meeting college classmates.
"Maybe you should joinFacebook," I suggest."Even if you don't need a roommate, itcouldn't hurt to meet some people."
Rory glares at me, andpart of me withers at her ire.But if there's anything I can helpfix for her, I have to do it.
She once accused me oftrying to fixher.But that's ridiculous.Rory is fucking perfect.But someaspects of her life, they could use some fixing.And it's not likeshe's adverse to social media on principle, or because she doesn'tlike it—she's just afraid.
She has every right to be,of course.After her past experiences.But I hate it when she letsfear make her decisions.And though I don't know if it's even myplace to get involved anymore, I'm not sure I can help myself.Ijust care about her so damn much.
"Just to meet people forschool, you know?You could keep the account private.No one wouldsee it except for people you wanted to meet," I suggest."I couldhelp you with it."
Rory sighs.I think sheknows I'm right.Being digitally antisocial has kept her from doingthe things the rest of us are all doing in preparation for college,and I can tell this isn't the first time it's been a concern forher.
"Maybe."It's aconcession.For her, anyway.And I'll take it.
Thea starts asking Roryabout majors and courses and I watch her fall into her element.Shewants to study courses related to pre-law.She wants to helpunderprivileged families like her mother used to do before shemoved here and had to join a big firm to support them on oneincome.But Rory wants to focus on helping women, she says shyly,and I just sit back and smile to myself.
She thinks she's regressedbecause of what happened in Miami, but I see something different.Isee a girl planning her future.And an admirable one atthat.
I smear my bagel with agenerous amount of cream cheese and pile on the lox, my favorite,and cringe when Danny starts asking me about sexual exploits, likeit would be even remotely appropriate even if mygirl-who's-not-my-girl—which in his defense, he's ignorantof—wasn't sitting right across the table.But for God's sake, ourmothers areright there.
"I've been busy withschool and finals, and everything."I blow off his question as bestI can.If it were anyone else, they would take the hint, but withDanny, social cues can get completely lost.
"What happened with thathot chick you were talking about last time?"Dannypersists.
Shit.He's talking about Rory.I notice her stiffen across thetable, and I wonder if she's uncomfortable because she thinks Ispoke about her in those terms recently.After all, I promised herwe could go back to being just friends.Fucking Danny.
