“Like I said, I figured you were, you know, distracted. That’s why I never said anything about it, or apologized or whatever.”
Apologized. Right. Because he’d almost kissed his best friend’s kid sister. That’s the kind of thing you apologize for. A mistake. But he didn’t make it. He may have wanted to kiss me, but he had no problem restraining himself as I remember it. “I wasn’t distracted by Brian, David. I just…thought I imagined it, to be honest.”
“You didn’t,” he breathes.
That’s just fantastic fucking news. Now. “Well you’re four years too late, David. I mean, it’s great to know that you wanted to kiss me, but thought better of it. Really.” Sarcasm surges in my tone just as anger blooms in my gut. Because why? Why is he telling me this now? To frustrate me? To hurt me? So I know that even now nothing has changed? “So you decided not to risk upsetting Sammy then, and you’ll do the same thing now. Is that why you’re telling me this? To remind me that this is all temporary? Because I assure you, I haven’t fucking forgotten. And you know what? For all Brian’s fucked-up moves, at least he had the balls to take a chance!” I turn away, ready to put some distance between us, but he’s still caging me in, and he presses his body flush against mine to make his point—he’s not ready to let me go.
“You think this is me not risking my friendship with Cap?” He grinds his hard-on into my hip for good measure, reminding me just how many lines we’ve crossed these past weeks.
“There’s no risk if he never finds out,” I counter.
David glares down at me, so close that I have to look up at him through my lashes to make eye contact.
“I did risk it,” he finally grits out. “Now, and then, too.” David is holding back, I know. I know him well enough to know he wants to growl and shout at me. But he knows he’s in the wrong.
I laugh in his face. “You risked what? Wanting to kiss me, and then backing away like I was a walking STD the second my brother came outside? And then disappearing for weeks? I told you—I remember. You were so afraid of me—afraid of us—of pissing off my goddamned brother that you stayed away from our house for the longest time in the history of your friendship!”
I try to wrench from his grip but he only holds me tighter. But why? So he can convince me that Sammy is more important to him than I am? I already know that, and I don’t even blame him for it. I would never have asked him to fuck over my brother for me. I just wish he’d taken a chance. That he’d at least tried talking to him.
David’s fingers slide up my nape into my hair, and he tugs gently until he’s lifting my gaze back to his. “I wasn’t hiding from you. Not then.”
I try to look down again, but he gives me a warning tug, and I lift my chin in defiance. “Then why were you gone?”
“He didn’t want me around.”
I frown at him. “Sammy?” And then I remember they got into a fight. I never did find out what it was about.
David nods once.
“He gave you a black eye,” I recall. “You bruised his jaw.” It was swollen for weeks.
David lets out a short, ironic laugh. “That black eye was his reminder that I was not good enough for his baby sister. And that if I ever suggested otherwise again, our fight would go way beyond a few thrown fists and a couple weeks of my not being welcome at your house.”
“What?” It comes out a gasp.
David doesn’t release my hair. His free hand cups my jaw, his thumb tracing the line of my cheek. “Funny thing is, I never said I was good enough for you. I’ve always known I’m not that. But I realized then that for you, I could try.”
I stare at him, utterly captivated and equally confused. He realized then?
“I tried, Bea. I sat him down and told him I wanted to take you on a date. That I would never do anything to disrespect you. Cap knows me. Knew me better than anyone. I hoped he knew that whatever shit I’d done in the past when it came to girls, it would be different with you.” His brow furrows. “Maybe it would’ve been better if he didn’t know me at all.”
David’s gaze skates away from mine, hiding his hurt at being rejected by his own best friend. “He reminded me that I didn’t know how to have a girlfriend. I think his exact words were that I didn’t know how to give a fuck, and that even if I’d tried, I would fuck up and hurt you, and then we’d be done. You and me. Him and me. Our friendship would be over.”
I gape up at him in disbelief.
David takes a deep breath. “Look, he was right, Bea. I wasn’t good enough then, and I’m not good enough now.”
I shake my head, denying his words. They’re not true. They were never true. How could he possibly believe them?
“It’s true, Bea. But don’t ever think that I didn’t try. I did. We may have just been kids, but I tried. Cap was clear as fuck, okay?”
I don’t say anything. Everything in me is screaming for him to try again. Or better yet, to tell my brother to go fuck himself. But I can’t ask him to do that. I knew that going into this. I just told myself that all I wanted was for him to try to talk to Sammy, and it turns out he did that a long time ago. Even if it doesn’t change anything in the long-run, it makes my heart melt a little, and etches David a little more deeply into its chambers.
So I don’t reply in words at all. Instead, I kiss him. I kiss him soft and hard, slow and fast, with shallow licks and deep plunges, until we’re both completely breathless.
David seems all for the distraction. His lips conquer my skin from my mouth to my cleavage, removing articles of my clothing as he goes. I grab for the hem of his shirt and he tears it over his head in one swift motion while my fingers work on his belt and fly. And all the while we kiss and kiss. We kiss for every almost-kiss we never had. We kiss for every lost moment, and every single tomorrow we are destined to miss out on, until we’re both worked up into a frenzy, and I’m perched on the countertop in nothing but my panties.
David looks down at them, running his finger along my center. “I want to kiss this,” he rasps.
