I try in vain to catch my breath,butI still want more.
"Fuck, I'm sorry, Ror," Cam whispers.
It surprises me.What in the world is he apologizing for?"Don't be. I... I want you, Cam."
He closes his eyes, as if savoring my words, smilingan entirely unfamiliar smile. A smile of contentment. He touches his nose to mine, nuzzling me with open adoration. "God, you're beautiful. You have no idea how bad I want you, Rory girl. I've wanted you for as long as I can even remember.But right now, we should talk. And kiss," he amends, brushing his lips briefly to mine.
I frown, puzzled as to why, if he wants me like he says, he just wants to talk. And kiss.
"Iain't gonna move fast - not with you. I've waited my whole life, Ror, I can wait a while longer. As bad as I want you right now,not gonna do that the same night we finally kissed for the first time."
I flood with shame. Cam still thinks I'm his sweet little Rory girl. But that's not me anymore, Robin made damn sure of that. And so did I, when I kept going back for more. I evade his gaze. I can't bear to see Cam staring at me like I'm some priceless jewel when really I'm no different than the rest of the sluts he hooks up with.
"I'm not as innocent as you think, Cam," I breathe. It's almost a full minute before I risk a peek over at him, his narrowed eyes betraying his irritation, and I cast my gaze back to the ceiling.
"Hey." He tries to get my attention.
I continue to stare blindly upward, my focus on keeping my eyes dry. It doesn't work. I hate Robin Forbes. In this moment I hate him more than I've ever hated him - ever hatedanyone- for stealing this part of me. My tears are angry ones.
"Hey,"Cam says again,stroking my face with a tenderness I don't deserve. He turnsit toward him until our eyes lock. He lets out a deep exhale. "You think because you gave it up to Forbes you're some kinda ruined woman or somethin'?" he asks softly. He's trying to absolve me of sleeping with Robin, and suddenly the levy breaks.
"I didn't! I didn't give it to him, Cam! He just took it!" I sound like a madwoman,I know. I sit up and bury my face in my knees, wrapping my arms around the top of my head. I am hysterical. I don't know if it's my desperation for Cam to know I didn't betray him - though I know it makes no sense since Robin'sthe one who was my boyfriend - but it's the way it feels. "I said no! I begged him to stop!" My words are a shaky sob, and I don't even know if Cam can understand them, I just know I need to get them out before they suffocate me.
I cry into my knees, trembling violently. My tears overflow, drenching my sweatpants, my shoulders heaving with my sobs.
"Rory." Cam's voice is frighteningly low and painstakingly calm, but my very unladylike sobs continue with no sign of slowing. "Rory, I need you to look at me."
I shake my head, still hidden by my protective position. He reaches for me, but as soon as I feel his touch, I flinch. I don't know why I flinch.I know Cam isn't Robin.I know he could never hurt me, but I do - Iflinch, and Cam retracts his hand immediately.
I become aware of audible breathing and realize Cam isn't as calm as I thought."Please, Rory,"he begs, and it's a desperate plea I can't deny.
I turn my head just enough to meet his gaze, forcibly quelling my sobs into defeated weeping.
"You sayin' he forced himself on you?" Cam asks carefully.
I don't say anything. I don't need to answer him with words. The despair on my face, I'm sure, is all the answer he needs.
Cam closes his eyes and his hands fist at his sides.He inhales a calculated breath and when he opens his eyes, they are utterly distraught. "Yesterday?" he asks.
I nod.
He swallows thickly. "He do this before?"
"Yeah," I breathe.
"When?"
I shrug. "Yesterday.A couple days ago. Last Saturday... Whenever I stayed over there, you know, for the weekend-"
"Damn it!" Cam roars. He stands from the bed and starts pacing his bedroom, back and forth. It pulls me from my sorrowful ball and I scoot to the edge of the bed. I watch him until he pauses a few feet in front of me. "The first time?" he demands.
"The night he signed with UFL. After Marcus's party."
Cam shoves his fingers through his hair and resumes his aggravated pacing. "Months! This has been goin' on for months!" he bellows furiously.
I look down. Yes. It has been going on for months. Robin hurt me again and again and I kept going back for more. My tears fall silently as I wait for Cam's judgment. For him to ask why I stayed with Robin, why I keptasking for it.
"Oh, God, Ror!" He's desperate, his voice laced with guilt, and I can't understand why. "I'm sorry.So sorry, fuck!"
