I don't ask him why he couldn't just take care of himself...himself.I do understand what he means, but it still doesn't sound right.
"I never lied to you, sweetheart. If you asked me to, you know, for it to be just us, I wouldn't have touched anyone else. Iwon'ttouch anyone else, Rory. Just say the word."
"I haven't touched anyone else. I mean, I haven't kissed anyone else. Ever, in fact. I didn't need you to tell me you didn't want me to," I argue, but the fight in me is wavering. "I didn't know I had to articulate it. I've never dated anyone before, I don't know the rules." I stop before my words turn into sobs. My tears have returned and I hope my will is enough to keep them from falling.
"I'm glad to hear that, sweetheart. And I admit it, it woulda killed me if you had. I'm a hypocrite, Rory. I've known you were mine, and yet I wasn't yours in return. Not completely - not like you deserved. I'm a bastard, alright? I know it. But I'm a bastard who loves you, Rory. This is all new to me, too, ya know. I've dated 'a course, but there never were any rules, because I never cared.
"But I care with you, darlin', so damn much." Robin blows out a deep exhale. "It scares me how fuckin' much, sweetheart," he breathes.
My tears fall now, and my mouth gapes open. Robin just said he loves me. He's admitted he was wrong, that he was a hypocrite, and told me helovesme. I forcibly bury his transgressions deep in my broken heart as it begins to mend itself, completely evaded by entire vocabulary.
"You gotta give me another chance. I won't let you down again." He wipes my tears with his knuckles, and I lean into his touch. "Please forgive me?" It's a request, not a demand.
"Okay." The word falls from my lips strictly of its own accord.I'm still too stunned to properly form conversation.
"You hear me say that I love you, sweetheart?"
I nod, sniffling like a child as I try to quell my weeping.
"You love me too?" he asks, eyes wide and hopeful.
I nod again. I really think I do. All I know is that even when I was hurting because of him, I didn't want to let him go.
"Well damn!" Robin cheers like he's won the damned Orange Bowl, eliciting a small giggle out of me. He leans in and kisses me softly, and I let him. He holds my face and plants small kisses on my forehead, my cheeks, my nose, and my lips again.
Finally, he pulls away and stands, taking my hand. I follow him.
"Come on, let me take my girlfriend to breakfast." He enunciates the word "girlfriend". He's never said it before, and the sound of it exhilarates me.
"I need to tell Cam I'm leavin'."
Robin's eyes narrow. "You won't be spendin' any more nights in anyone's arms but mine." It's a statement, and I suppose not an unreasonable one.
I nod my agreement.
I turn to go inside, but Cam's already emerging onto the porch. He must have been listening. Suddenly the thought of him overhearing all that unnerves me deeply, my gut rolling with doubt, and I don't understand it. I give him a hug despite knowing it'll bug Robin. Sleeping in his bed with him is one thing, but I won't stop hugging my best friend.
"Thanks Cam, for last night. For everything," I murmur as I pull away.
Cam is reluctant to release me. "You sure about this, Ror?" His voice low and hoarse.
I know he's upset by all of this - he doesn't trust Robin. But I didn't expect to see such turmoil in his eyes.
I squeeze his shoulder in consolation. "Yeah, Cam. It's fine. He's explained, and I've forgiven him. We talked about it, and, you know, now he's my boyfriend he's promised it won't happen again," I explain in a whisper, I don't want Robin to hear too much. It's awkward talking about him when he's only a few feet away, but Cam deserves an explanation.
"If that's what makes you happy," Cam murmurs. He's disappointed in me and it stings, but this is my decision, and I've made it.
"It is, Cam," I breathe, and then with a pat on his arm, I turn to leave with Robin. My stuff is already at his house since I'm supposed to stay with them for break anyway.
Robin opens the passenger door for me and as I'm climbing in, Cam calls out to me. "You call me if you need me, Ror. Whenever, I mean it!"
Robin closes my door before I can respond, but I nod to him through the windshield. I know I can always call him if I need him.
Cam stays on his porch until we've driven out of sight.
TWELVE
P R E S E N T D A Y
