I don't know what time it is, but it's late. We got home almost an hour ago, and I'm back in the upstairs guest room after changing into my pajamas and washing up. Robin already kissed me goodnight before I came upstairs. I didn't even hear him come in.
I sit up in bed. "Hey, what are you doin'?"
His mouth makes a beeline for my neck. "I missed you, sweetheart." His lips find mine and he kisses me sloppily. He sure drank enough tonight. "Real bad." He grins wickedly.
I laugh. "I missed you, too," I whisper.
We kiss for a while, and he leans me back on the bed, climbing over me. It makes me nervous, but he's still just kissing me, so I go with it.
When his hand starts inching toward my chest, I push it back to my waist, as usual. But he's more persistent than he normally is, and suddenly, he grips both of my wrists in one hand and pins them above my head.
"Robin-"
He silences me with a kiss, and his free hand takes full advantage, fondling my chest as I squirm beneath him, trying buck him off. But Robin mistakes my squirming for something else. He groans. I turn away from his kiss, but he just scrapes his lips down my neck to the bit of cleavage that shows above my neckline.
"Robin!"
"You're so fuckin' hot, sweetheart," he murmurs against my skin.
"Please stop," I beg.
"Mmmm..."
He's not listening to me. I try to talk to him - to beg him to slow down, tostop. He doesn't listen. Instead, he swallows my pleas with another kiss. Robin's hand starts pushing its way under my shorts, and my stomach rolls with dread.He's not stopping! I panic.
I bite him.
"You wanna get rough, sweetheart?" he growls, and starts kissing me so hard I can barely breathe. I scream for him to stop, but it just comes out a muffled mumble. I know he can't make out my words with his tongue gagging me.
He forces his hand between my legs and I try to squeeze them shut, but it traps his hand where I definitely don't want it, and he just keeps on rubbing.
My eyes water, tears spilling down my cheeks in torrents. He's not stopping! He'snevernot stopped before.
Finally he relaxes his grip on my wrists, and the moment my hands are free, I rally all of my strength and shove him off of me. Robin flinches, startled. He lifts his weight from me, settling it onto his hands and knees instead, and I sit up beneath him.
"What the fuck?" he barks as I scoot back against the headboard, clamping my knees tightly together. "Are you... are youcrying?"
I'm still gasping for air, utterly incapable of words, and I can't quell the tears that stream from my eyes.
Robin sits back on his heels and rakes his hand through his hair in bewildered frustration. He looks me over again like he's just seeing me for the first time. I'm completely frozen, trapped in a cage fused of shock and betrayal.
"Fuck, Rory, I'm sorry. I thought you were into it," he murmurs.
One broken sob escapes my lips before I snap my jaw shut and shake my head fervently.No I was not fuckinginto it!
Robin looks stricken- horrified. He leans forward and I automatically flinch, which startles him all over again.
"No, sweetheart..." His brow furrows in distress, his mouth gaping open. "Fuck. I'm sorry!" He wipes the tears from my cheeks with his knuckles and draws me into his arms. I'm dead weight. I can't think straight, and I let him comfort me while I calm down.
After a few minutes, he pulls me away from him to meet my gaze. "You need to forgive me, sweetheart. Don't be mad at me, okay? I really thought you were into it. You know I'd never pressure you, right?"
I hesitate, but nod, though that felt a hell of a lot like pressure to me. In fact, it felt like something decidedly worse.
"It's just... it's been three months, Rory. And you're not just some girl- you'reyou. You drive mecrazy.You're so fuckin' hot, sweetheart. And I'm a man, you know?"
He's giving me some explanation, and though it's no excuse for what he just did, I do get what he's saying. And maybe I should be ready to do more, but I'm just not. "I'm just... I'm not ready." I say the words. I've said them before.
But Robin's right, it has been three months. I feel irrationally guilty. It's his senior year, and he'shim. Surely gorgeous golden-boy Robin Forbes should be with Maddie, or any one of the many other girls who would be thrilled to do whatever it is he wants. Not wasting his time with me - an inexperienced kid who may never be ready to do those things. Not for the first time the year difference in age between us feels like a lifetime. I think he'll probably break up with me. I think he probablyshould.Only... I don't want him to.
