I smile faintly. "He held my hair and helped me clean up. And then slept on the couch in his suite so he could 'keep an eye' on me."
"Aww, that's so sweet," Carl gushes.
"Yeah," I grumble. "But that wasn't the only part of him I wanted on me."
Carl cracks up, and I follow her, our hysterical girlish laugher echoing around the luxurious hotel room.
"Well at least you finally admit it! But I still can't believe he turned you down. It doesn't make any sense."
"This morning he said it was because I was drunk. He said he was worried I'd regret it."
Carl nods, as if it explains everything. "And...?" she prompts.
I sigh. "We kissed."
Carl shrieks. "I fucking knew it!And...?!"
"And it was unbelievable. But then we got interrupted and went down to the pool to join you guys-"
"Right, where Cap nearly killed Dave basically for being Dave, yeah, I was there. And then you chased after him, andthen...?" she urges me to continue. She knows there's more. She knows me well.
"I found him in his room. We talked. And..." I sigh again, resting my head on my bent knee. "God,Carl, we hooked up. It wasamazing," I practically swoon again at the thought of him.
Carl grins. "We're talking sex, just to be clear, right?"
I nod my confirmation.
"Oh my God, Rory! He's so fucking hot! I bet he was incredible, was he incredible?" she gushes.
"Honestly, I don't really have much to compare to, but... yeah, he's a god," I admit.
"Holy fucking shit. If Tucker only knew what I was picturing right now..."
"Hey!"
"Sorry," she murmurs sheepishly, "but can you blame me?"
"Yes!"
"Fine, whatever. Hey, it wasn't your first time, was it?" she asks.
"Not exactly," I reply, my voice barely more than a whisper. Carl has seen my overreactions to accidental touches, she's seen me nearly panic on occasion, but she doesn't know details.
"How do you mean? You can't be half a virgin," she says gently.
I shake my head. "No, I wasn't a virgin. But... my ex, it was different than it was with Sam, that's all." I chicken out. Part of me wants to tell her about Robin, but most of me just wants to forget.
Carl considers me. I'm not sure if she's buying my explanation. "Do you think you and Cap will, like, be together now? Did you talk about it?" she asks instead.
I shake my head. "No, I don't know what he wants, but like you said, he doesn't do the girlfriend thing. And I'm not girlfriend material anyway," I mutter defeatedly.
"That's ridiculous, Rory," she argues.
"Come on, Carl, you know I have issues. Maybe you don't know the whole story, but you've seen the scars, and you haven't seen the half of it. It could never work out. He knows I'm fucked up, and no one would want that, not for real. And even if he could, he deserves better." I outline the ice-cold, stone-hard facts.
"Rory-"
I hold up my hand to stop her. I don't need platitudes confusing me more right now. "I don't want to talk about it, okay? Look, I know my limitations, and so does Sam. I don't know what will happen after break, I just know being with him makes me happy, and I just want to enjoy that as long as I can, you know?"
