Something slipped inside her. Something dreadful.
There were too many people in the kitchen, too many questions being asked, too many opinions offered. Clairecouldn’t ask what was wrong, when she knew it was something big. She could see it in the way Johnny avoided looking at her, the way Pete balanced from one foot to another just behind.
“Pete, honey, have you called your mother this morning?” she asked, desperate for something else to take herattention. Her head pounded and her throat was raw. Shecouldn’t quite keep her thoughts together.
There was something to do. Something to finish. But for now, she needed an easy task, and Pete was at least a clearone.
His head bobbed uncomfortably. “Yes, ma’am. I’mgonna go over this afternoon, since my Aunt Mary Phyllisis gonna be there. But, well, Mama said she feels better justbein’ alone right now. Is that all right?”
Claire instinctively reached out to the boy. “I told youyesterday, Pete. You’re a member of my family whetheryou’re here or not. Okay?”
Pete blushed, ducked his head, shrugged uncomfortably.“Thank you, ma’am.”
Claire saw the raw grief in those young eyes, the confusion and pain. She let herself ache for him, because that wasa safe thing to feel.
“Does that mean he has to take a turn with the dishes?”Jess demanded, and finally the mood in the room broke.
Claire saved her job, at least for now. Her excuse wasplausible and her regret genuine. She managed to get Nadine as far as the inn, where a surprisingly acquiescentPeaches was sharing recipes with her. She swallowed someaspirin and held her daughter and fought hard to push theshadows back where they belonged.
She couldn’t remember why she’d run. She couldn’t remember doing it, just ending up in her bedroom the nightbefore with those old medals in her lap. Just rocking andwatching the night and sinking under a burden she couldn’tlift.
She remembered thinking she should go to Tony. She should let him hold her. She should tell him what hurt herso he could help her carry it.
But it had been too long since she’d trusted anyone withthat kind of truth. Since she’d asked anyone to bear thatkind of cost. So she’d just sat. She’d sat until the sun cameup, and then she’d just run.
Jess talked her into lying down for a while, and Tony tookher bag over to the inn with him, where he could be heard hammering and sawing as if he were on a deadline. Claireknew the boys were around. She knew she should ask themwhat was wrong. She couldn’t do it. She just didn’t have theenergy. She didn’t think she could handle one more revelation before just crumbling into dust.
She’d run that morning. She hadn’t run in five years. She hadn’t just disappeared into herself where no one could findher.
It terrified her.
Tony terrified her. He offered so much. He promised to share everything with her, to help her, to be there for her when no one ever had before. He fought hard for her.
He almost made her think she could make it.
Almost.
It didn’t matter. He’d be gone soon, and she’d get backon with her life. She’d see to her children and her inn andher life just as she always had, putting this all away for later.
If only she could stop shaking. If only she could lift the suffocating stone of sorrow from her chest so she couldbreathe again.
If only she could look forward to a life without TonyRiordan there to bring it whimsy and delight.
“Mom?”
Claire looked over from the view out her front window.She’d ended up in her living room, in the quiet, civilizedsitting room she’d used as her buffer against stress. Now, asthe sun sank, her son had come to find her.
She heard it in his voice. Saw it in his posture. He wasgoing to make things worse, and Claire wasn’t at all sure shehad the strength left to handle it.
Still, she smiled. “Come on in, honey.” Her heart tilted at the sight of him, so tall, so handsome, so full of passionand purpose. He reminded her too much of herself at thatage. “What’s up? You goin’ out tonight?”
He stepped on in, as uncomfortable as a man in a funeralparlor. “Pat’s out in the kitchen.”
“Pat with his hot red car, huh? Where ya goin’?”
He didn’t answer. He walked right on up to the couch andsank onto it alongside her. “I need to talk to you, Mom.”
Claire battled the urge to run. No more. No more, please.She wanted to call Tony. She sat very still instead.
