When he didn’t respond, her next pat to his knee was a little sharper. “You okay?”
What a question. He was a mess. He was upside down and inside out. He was doing things and saying things and dreaming things he’d never considered before. Yet all he was able to muster was a short, “I’m fine.”
“Pretty sure you’re not fine. Who was she?”
“A friend.” He kept his voice flat and might have pulled it off if Gina hadn’t leaned forward to study him as closely as she’d just studied the selection of cake slices.
She reached down and ran her thumb along the side of his mouth, then held it up to show him a smear of pink before rubbing the lipstick off on her jeans. “Want to try that again?”
That got him up and off the couch. Unlike Josie, Gina’s touch didn’t jangle his nerves, but he couldn’t keep sitting there like everything was normal. An hour ago, he’d watched Josie prowl around the room, upset about her mother. Now it was his turn to feel so agitated about his own shitty decisions that he was ready to explode out of his skin.
“I’m sorry, Gina.”
“For what?” She licked a smear of icing off her fork. “I never wanted to marry you.”
“I know.”
“And you never wanted to marry me.”
Unlike Josie, he wasn’t compelled to pace, but he couldn’t look at Gina’s sweet, familiar face while they had this conversation. He walked to the window and stared unseeing at the sidewalk two stories below.
“No.” He sighed. “I didn’t.”
“So why’d you tell the fancy redhead that?”
He laced his hands around the back of his neck and forced himself to be honest. “Because I’m a fucking coward.”
“Ah. You like her.”
He nodded without turning around.
“And you’re feeling guilty because you know how much Pops wanted us to get married.” He heard the couch creak as she stood. “So you told Fancy we were engaged because once upon a time you toldPopswe were engaged, and it was the easiest way you could think of to put up a wall.”
“Fuck,” he said softly.
“You sure do love your walls.” She set her empty plate down and joined him at the window. “Erik, Pops is gone. I miss him like crazy, and I know you feel that times a million, but he wouldn’t want you to stick with a promise that makes us both unhappy. Just like he wouldn’t have wanted you to hold on to that land forever. He’d be glad you were putting those resources to better use.”
He stuffed his hands in his pockets, wishing he could accept what she was saying.
“You’re not honoring him by holding on to the past or by telling people we’re something we’re not,” she said. “Especially not someone you were just kissing.”
Memories of Josie’s lips on his came flooding back, and he had to bite his cheek to keep his body in check. “She’s not who I should be with.”
“Says who?” Gina asked.
“She’s… well, you said it. She’s fancy.”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“And she talks. Constantly.”
“Heaven forbid you spend time with a well-dressed woman who forces you to use your vocal cords,” she said wryly.
He huffed and leaned his back against the wall, crossing his arms. Gina didn’t understand the cavern that stretched between him and Josie. If he walked into her fire, what would be left of him when their time together was over and she moved on?
“What are you even doing here?” he grumbled.
His abrupt question didn’t faze her; she’d been tolerating his communication style all her life. Instead of sniping back at him, she said placidly, “Moving to Chicago.”
