I fell asleep with him. Again. I loved falling asleep with Kincaid. I felt safe and protected. I loved waking up beside him, the way he was always warm, to my usual chilly. I savored his strong presence. Sometimes, if I let myself think about how I felt, he was like an island of calm for me.
The next morning, he teased me to yet another orgasm. He doled those out like candy when it came to me, handfuls of pure pleasure.
It was still early in the afternoon when he texted me to say he had to go out for a fire. I knew hotshot firefighters got called out unexpectedly, but still, my heart dipped for a second. On impulse, I stopped by the station to give him a kiss before he left. Solely because I wanted to, and I didn’t even let myself think too hard about it.
Maisie gave me a warm, knowing look as I walked out. She was tied up on a call, so I just waved and went over to Firehouse Café. When I walked in, I was feeling good. Almost giddy. Almost like I’d finally silenced the doubts in my mind.
Unfortunately, Shelly was there. She was waiting in line ahead of me. For a heartbeat, I almost turned around and left, but then I realized I could either keep running from this or face it down and all that she represented to me—a bundle of betrayal and baggage I’d been lugging around while she tried to get me, my mom, and the whole freaking town to forgive her.
So I lifted my chin and braced myself inside. When I saw Casey behind the counter, she met my gaze and dipped her chin in the tiniest nod. Somehow, she gave me the burst of courage I needed.
After I ordered, I stopped beside Shelly, coffee in one hand and a pastry bag with my bagel and cream cheese gripped tightly in the other. “I’m guessing you want to talk. Let’s talk,” I said flatly.
In a way, it was a little assertive—maybe aggressive—but I didn’t know how else to do this.
Shelly met my gaze. “I’d like that.”
We sat down at a table in the corner. What hurt, as I looked over at her, was that I knew Shelly so well. She had babysat me so many times. Her daughter Michelle had been at my house as much as I’d been at hers. Shelly herself had been like family to me.
I took a deep breath, uncertain how to start. Just as I was fumbling, I realized it was really on her to start this conversation. I didn’t owe her an apology for anything. I waited. My stomach was twisting nervously, and my heart was racing with anxiety and dread.
She was quiet for a few beats. I took a swallow of coffee, savoring the jolt of bitterness, as if it could fortify me.
“Look.” She let out a breath. “I don’t know how to make this right. I’m really sorry. I’ve told your mom I’m sorry. I’ve told Michelle I’m sorry. To this day, she hates me because, according to her, I ruined her hometown for her.”
“Well, you ruined it for all of us,” I added, because that was the truth. That was how I’d felt for years.
She blinked. Her voice dropped to barely above a whisper. “Has your mom talked to you about it?”
“Yeah. She told me you talked to her and that she’s let it go.”
Hope flared in Shelly’s eyes. “You don’t think just because she’s let it go that she wants to be your friend again, do you? Because that would be insane, Shelly. You had an affair with my dad for ten years. That was years and years of lying. It was a huge betrayal.”
“I know.”
“I have to figure my own life out, but trust will probably be a lifelong issue for me, because my dad did something I never imagined him doing. You did something I never imagined you doing.” I shrugged. “It was a lesson I never wanted to have to learn—that people aren’t always who you think they are, even if and especially when you trust them.”
Shelly’s eyes were bright with tears, and she blinked quickly. “I know. I still don’t know what I was thinking.”
For the first time ever, I actually felt a flicker of sympathy for her, a feeling I never could have imagined having.
“Shelly… all of this is hard to sort through, because some of it I just can’t imagine. If it had been a one-time thing, maybe I could chalk it up to a moment. But it went on for years. You and my dad lied and lied and lied.”
“I know.” She twisted a napkin between her fingers. “Look, I’ve even talked to a therapist about this. I just… I’m sorry. I really, really am. And I hope you can forgive me. I hope maybe we can rebuild something.”
I held her gaze and shook my head slowly. “There are a lot of things that could happen, and I’m not sure if I’m at forgiveness yet. But I’m never going to trust you. That was such a selfish, long-term betrayal. For most of my childhood, the person I thought you were wasn’t who you were. You were lying to all of us, and it tore my family apart. Obviously, I also hold my dad responsible, but it was a betrayal on both of your parts. I can’t pretend that’s not the case.”
She sighed. “I know. I’m sure you know he cheated on me, too.”
“Of course I do. I don’t know why you thought he wouldn’t.”
“He also never got over your mom.” There was bitterness in Shelly’s words, and mostly, it just made me feel sad. “He turned out to be a very selfish man.”
“Yeah, he did.” I paused, taking a slow breath. “So you wanted to talk, and we talked,” I finally said when the silence stretched between us. “Did you just want to talk for absolution, and the hope that I would just snap my fingers and... I don’t know...” I shook my head. “I won’t call us friends. You were like an aunt. A second mom to me.”
She blinked and stayed quiet for a few beats. “I know. No, I guess I’m just too hopeful. Maybe.”
I shrugged.
