After Holden’s gone, I unpack as best I can one-handed. Hanging up the clothes Robbie washed for me. Putting Hippyottermus on my bed. But when I open my nightstand drawer to put my charging cable away, I spy my dildo collection and realize Robbie must’ve seen it.
My face flushes hot, even though I know I’m alone. I don’t want to wonder what he thought of when he saw it, but I can’t help myself.
I sit down on the bed and grab Hippy without thinking. For a week, I had everything. I was living the dream I’ve had since I was sixteen.
And here’s theotter truth: Knowing Robbie can never be mine, or worse, refusing to let him be mine, feels like an even greater loss than when I thought he was going to marry Lissa.
At least then, I’d still had him as my best friend. Now, I’m not sure I have him at all.
And one more otter truth, while I’m at it: My best friend ran into a burning building to save me. And when he needed me, when he was brave enough to tell me the truth about himself… I fucking ran away.
Holden’s words come back like a fairy-tale witch waving forbidden fruit at me, fat and ripe with possibility.
Enjoy the good things while they’re happening. Robbiewants you, and you want him. So enjoy the ride while it lasts and navigate the fallout if and when it comes.
As if it’s that easy.
As if reaching for it and finally taking a juicy bite doesn’t always end in disaster.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ROBBIE
There areat least forty kids in matching white gis packed into the school gym this morning, and the volume is unreal. I can barely hear myself think.
Which is probably a good thing. Because when I remember too much about the kiss and the half-assed conversation I had with Ames, my throat gets thick, and my eyes sting.
Brie’s been doing tae kwon do for maybe five years, and now that she’s twelve, I don’t have to pretend to be impressed by her moves. She executes a perfect side kick and glances over at me likedid you see that?I shoot her a grinning double thumbs-up as her instructor ruffles her hair, and she beams from ear to ear, all traces of her earlier stress seemingly gone.
But I haven’t forgotten.
On the way here, she kept apologizing, and it broke my heart. She’s only a kid, and already she’s doing this dance where she’s making excuses for her dad and acting like it’s no big deal that he let her down. I wanted to squeeze herand tell her she deserves better… but it’s hard when she and her sister have seen me justifying Mike’s shit behavior as long as they’ve been alive.
Which is just another reason to do better, right?
One of the tae kwon do parents sidles up to me with a friendly smile and a toddler balanced on her hip. “You’re here with Brie?”
I nod, distracted.
“Aw. She’s a sweetheart. Are you and Anna…?” The woman trails off suggestively.
“Oh. No, Anna’s my sister-in-law. Well, ex. Brie’s my niece,” I finally say since it’s easier.
The woman’s eyes light up like I’ve just announced I’m giving away free puppies. “Oh my god, how sweet! Welovean involved uncle! Do you have kids of your own? Would you like some?”
My eyes widen. The toddler and I exchange a wary glance, like she might try to foist him on me. “Uh?—”
“Raisa, chill. Your sister can find her own husband. This is Robbie Wojcik, our fire chief, and he’sengaged.” Sandra, a physical therapist I’ve worked with before, pats my arm and explains, “Raisa’s new to Winsome, Robbie. She doesn’t know you’re already taken.”
“If he wasn’t,” another parent pipes up, materializing out of nowhere, “the Winsome matchmakers woulda gotten their claws in him ages ago.”
Raisa sets her son down so he can run around the sidelines and sighs. “Shoulda guessed. All the good catches are taken, even here in Winsome.”
My face goes hot.
A good catch. Sure. Except for the one person I’d like to catch me.
The irony’s not lost that I’ve spent years not letting myself want too much or ask for too much. Just being that boat on calm water while Ames reminds me constantly that “It’s okay to want things and fight for them, Robbie.”
