“I hadn’t figured out how to talk to you about it.” He rubs his lips together. “I kept feeling like I needed to ease you into it somehow or present it to you in a PowerPoint—still not my forte—so you’d believe me.” He laughs. “But that was stupid, right? I mean, you’re Ames. You get me. I can just tell you what I’m thinking with no filter.” He sinks his teeth into his bottom lip and reaches for me again. “Or tell you without words.”
I stare at him, unblinking. Unmoving. Unbreathing.
“I’m attracted to you,” he blurts out. “I think I said that already, but just to be clear. And now I’d really like to kiss you again.”
Oh, no.I don’t know what’s happening here, but it’s clear that my delusion has infected Rob too.
“You don’t mean that,” I say quickly. “You’re scared of… of getting married. And scared of losing me, after the fire. And scared of losing our friendship, before that.”
“Ames.” He shakes his head solemnly.
“Which isunderstandable,” I assure him. “Crises make people do weird shit?—”
“I’m not having a crisis. Lissa and I broke up. She texted and offered to give back the engagement ring, but I told her to keep it. I ran by her parents’ place and picked up some stuff of mine while I was getting groceries the other day. It’s done.”
He was picking up his shit from Lissa while I was jerking off?
Jesus fuck. I feel like I unknowingly took part in some kind ofBuffy-esque ritual. I summoned this demon, and now I need to banish it.
“Okay. Well. That’s… I mean, I’m sorry. Because I know breakups can be rough. But there are other fish in the sea. Otherfemalefish. That doesn’t mean you and I should… No.”
“Ames,” he says patiently, taking another careful steptoward me like I’m a wild animal. “I don’t want another woman. Did you hear what I said?”
“No!” I step away again. “You need to stop right now, Robert. You need to think about what you’re saying. Because genies do not go back into bottles, okay? And I… I am not interested in… this.” I wave my hand vaguely at his broad, warm, muscular, very naked chest. “This posttraumatic… experimental… whatever the fuck.”
“That’s not?—”
“Bup bup bup!” I hold out a hand when he paces another step toward me.
He groans and rubs both hands through his hair. “Look, I know this is a lot. Maybe I should’ve done a PowerPoint. But you just looked so hot, standing here in my kitchen, and I’ve been dying to touch you all week while you were injured, and every night, I’ve been dreaming about what you said in the hospital?—”
“What? What did I say in the hospital?” I demand.
Robbie’s whole body flinches. “Uh. When you were on pain meds?—”
“When you claimed I was going full-Elsa?”
“You didn’t sing. But you did sort of… say you were in love with me.”
Robbie’s phone rings somewhere in the bedroom, and both of us flinch but ignore it. The world has tilted sideways right here in this kitchen, and we’re trying to hang on.
“I saidwhat?”
“You said it was always me for you.” Robbie’s green eyes are like lasers. Like tractor beams. They hold me in place and won’t let me flee. “Is that still true?”
I feel like I might throw up. This is my worst nightmare—Robbie knowing how I feel and then trying to give me what I want, even trying to convince himselfhe wants it too.
It’s the fucking ChapStick all over again.
His phone is ringing again, but I don’t even think he hears it. I barely notice it myself.
“I was out of my mind,” I say desperately. “And now you’re taking my bullshit as gospel truth and trying to force yourself to reciprocate? I can’t let you do that, Robbie?—”
“No.” Robbie shakes his head once. “That’s not what this is.”
“Behonest,” I cry. “For the sake of our friendship, be honest. Are you saying you’re bisexual? Have you ever even been attracted to a man before this?”
He hesitates. “I… I don’t know. I didn’t think I had, but now I’m looking back and realizing…”
