Oh fuck. Oh god. This is…
My brain explodes. A whole week of tension, a month of pain, and years of longing detonate all at once. With my good hand, I grab the back of his neck and lock him against me because he’smine mine mine, and I kiss him like I’m determined to pour every ounce of my frustrated love into him.
Coffee kind of tastes delicious, I realize, when I’m tasting it on Robbie’s tongue.
His hand slides into my hair, and he grips just roughly enough to make me gasp, then takes advantage, licking deeper into my mouth. My back hits the counter, and he bends his knees as he presses into me, like he needs to make sure I feel how fucking hard his cock is as he ruts against mine through our pants.
The entire world shrinks into the two square feet we’re occupying, and the entire timeline of the universe condenses to this one perfect moment.
Oh fuck, I think.This is what it was all for. This is why I held on so long. I knew, if I just kept the faith?—
No. Fuck.
What am I doing?
I let go of Robbie’s neck and shove him back with all the force I can muster.
We stare at each other, breathing hard. His lips are red, swollen, and shiny with our combined saliva. His hair’s a mess from where I grabbed it.
“JesusChrist,” I manage, my voice barely a croak. “What the fuck, Robert! What about Lissa?”
Green eyes blink at me hazily, like he’s coming out of a trance. “We… we broke up.”
Can you relapse with a concussion? I don’t remember the doctors saying so when I was being discharged, but maybe. Or maybe the kiss cut off my oxygen, and now I’m hallucinating.
Robbie gives me a patient, affectionate smile. “It’s not oxygen deprivation, Amesie,” he says, making me realize I spoke that thought aloud. He takes a step toward me and reaches out a hand for my hip, trying to pull us back together.
I step out of reach, and he sighs, scrubbing a hand through his hair.
“Look, I didn’t say anything at the time because you were recovering, but Lissa and I broke up last Sunday?—”
“Youwhat?” I gasp. “A fuckingweekago?”
He tilts his head. “Didn’t you wonder why she hadn’t come by? Or called? Or texted?”
I blink. I probably should have wondered all those things, but I was too busy enjoying myself.
“Wh-what happened?” I demand. “What the fuck?”
Robbie shakes his head and scratches at a spot between his pecs. “I couldn’t go through with it. It was all wrong. And once I realized that, I couldn’t unknow it.”
Since this is exactly what I was thinking abouthimearlier, I nod slowly.
He continues. “I, uh, I think I’ve spent a long time not knowing what I wanted. Not letting myself acknowledge it. And then suddenly, I… did.”
“And you wanted to… not… be… with Lissa?” I say haltingly, because the way he’s looking at me suggests something different. Something more. Something I am literally incapable of believing.
“Yeah. That. And also.” He clears his throat. “I realized I, uh… I’m attracted to… well.You.”
Concussion relapse. Has to be. Because I could swear Robbie—myRobbie—just said…
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while. First, I was like,wait, what’s happening right now? He’s a guy! He’s my best friend! But then… I dunno, everything about it just felt so right, I couldn’t stop thinking that way. Noticing you.” He swallows. “Your body. Your face. Your ass. Your smile. You know I’ve always loved your smile, Amesie. I just didn’t know how much.”
I focus on breathing in and out because otherwise I’m concerned I might faint.
“And then the fire happened,” Robbie whispers. “And I… I decidedfuck it. Life’s short. I don’t care why I feel the way I feel. I don’t need to analyze exactly when my feelings started to change or why. I asked myself,What do I want?What can’t I live without?And the answer was you.You, Ames.”
I shake my head. “But?—”
