If Bud is surprised, I don’t see it on his face. He moves to embrace her in a bear hug, the way he always has.
“How’ve you been,mija? Have you two ate anything? I can order a pizza.”
Alma’s eyes shift to mine. I know she sees what I see, but I also know how uncomfortable this may be considering everything she found out about Esteban.
“We have to get back on the road,” I say harshly.
Music plays from Alma’s phone, interrupting what would have turned into awkward silence.
“It’s my job,” she says, holding up her phone. “It was really nice seeing you, Bud.”
“Igualmente.” Bud smiles and waits until the door shuts behind her and turns to me. “If that’s the reason why you’vebeen avoiding me, just know I’d understand. We all deserve to be happy.”
“Bud. What’s going on?” I watch his face sour as he slurps down more of the protein shake.
“This tastes like shit.” He takes off his hat, revealing his bald head underneath.
“Pa? Are you sick?”
Bud doesn’t answer right away. He throws the shake in the trash, opens the fridge to take out a bottle of water, and chugs it. When he turns to face me, I can see his face softening.
“Doctors say it’s my liver.”
“Your liver?” My voice drops.
He nods once. “Cancer.”
For a long beat, all I hear is the hum of the fridge and the faint sound of Alma talking on the phone outside. I look at Bud again. The anger’s still there, buried deep, but guilt’s already bleeding through it.
“You should’ve told me.”
He shrugs. “Didn’t think you’d care.”
“Of course I’d care. Listen, I was mad about you keeping the truth from me, but I’ve been watching this family, and I see it now. Their wealth isn’t a privilege, you’re right, it’s a curse. Everything they touch is tainted. I hate that I share DNA with them.”
“Then leave! Come with me,mijo. You and Alma. Come with me to Corpus Cristi. I got a sister there. She can help you find a job.” His eyes say what his pride won’t.
I need you.
When he wraps his arms around me, I don’t pull away. Bud Nevarez is a simple man with faults of his own, but he is more of a father to me than Patricio Consuelo ever will be.
Chapter 29
Alma
“Why does every single one of these fairy lords have massive dicks?” Efren asks. He’s mid-passage in the book he’s reading to me.
My eyes flutter open. This has become our new norm since returning from Los Angeles. We’re up early on the weekdays for our nine to five jobs, and on the weekends we lurk in the shadows with our debauchery. Mine on the stage and his in the streets. We rarely speak of what he does, but I know if I asked he would tell me. There aren’t many secrets we have to keep from each other at this point.
On the nights I work late at La Cuevita, Efren is always waiting to take me home. There are often blood stains on him or this tense feeling he carries, but I haven’t seen him as beat up as he was when he went missing for several days. After he brings me home, he feeds me, bathes me, puts me in one of his oversized T-shirts, and reads to me until I fall asleep. No one has cared for me the way he does. Not since Missy passed away.
Sometimes, depending on the day we’ve had, we skip everything and turn straight to sex. Our bodies have this magnetic pull toward one another. Both of us use sex as anoutlet to release pent-up stress. I’ve learned to be more aggressive, not just because he likes it, but I do too. I’ve even got to work early so I could speak with La Madrina about her role as a dominatrix and how I can execute that in my relationship with Efren.
There’s something about the control and power that fuels me to my highest level. I brought it up to Dr. Verduzco in our last session, and she said she wasn’t surprised. My whole life, I’ve never had control over much, from Missy’s constant moving, my own mind hiding memories from me, and then having no trace of where I came from—I’ve been living in survival mode. The dominant persona that takes over during sex is a reclaiming of everything that’s overtaken my power.
Every moment spent with Efren is healing me. The way he looks at me, the way he adores me, sees me fully exposed, and still wants more. I could never be with someone else or give as much as I have with him. With Efren, there’s no worry that he’ll abandon me or that I’m not enough. I just wish I’d seen it before. Maybe I wouldn’t have had to go through what I did with Esteban.
“Efren,” I interrupt him, and he looks down to where my head rests in his lap.
