“Yes, Kitten?”
“What are we going to do about those videos?”
Efren shuts the book and places it on the nightstand. “What do you want to do with them?”
There’s a sense of guilt that I’d been lucky enough to escape Esteban’s plans while others hadn’t. I don’t know how to feel about the situation, but every time my mind wanders into feeling remorse for taking his life, I remember he’d taken more.
“Kitten? Are you okay?” Efren asks, again pulling me out of another spiral.
“I don’t know. I just keep thinking about the videos,wondering what to do with them. If the women didn’t remember, would knowing cause more damage than never knowing? Esteban’s already dead. Would they still get justice?” I contemplate out loud.
“I’ll do whatever you want to do,” Efren responds.
“Maybe we could submit them anonymously?”
Efren nods in agreement, but my mind keeps racing. How can I give these women justice when the majority of them didn’t know what happened. Also, Esteban was dead. Could this put heat on his family? Efren has already been deported once; I don’t want to lose him right now when I need him the most.
“What do you think Bud will think?” I ask sheepishly.
“It doesn’t matter what he thinks.”
“You’re still angry at him?” I remember the quiet trip back to Houston after Efren had spoken to Bud. He seemed off. “What happened?”
He sighs, and I can feel his body tense under me. Searching his eyes, I plead with him to trust me. I want to be there for him the way he’s been there for me.
“I was angry with him. For a long time, I think it was because I blamed him for my mother’s death.”
“What?” I’m surprised. “What do you mean your mother’s death? Like your birth mom?
“Oh God—is Bud like Esteban?” I whisper.
“No. Not at all. He just lied to me.” Efren sets down the book then pulls me onto his lap.
“I found out recently that my mother died trying to cross the border. She thought she could find my father and give me a better life.” Efren pauses, staring at nothing, and his eyes darken before he speaks again. “Only, she never made it across. She was beaten, raped, and left to die. Bud found her and took her to a nearby hospital in Tamaulipas. She used the last of her strength to give me life.”
The air leaves my lungs. His words settle in the space between us, heavy and unmovable. I want to sayI’m sorry, but the words feel too small.
“How did you find out?” I run my fingers through his hair and over his face. I want the darkness gone and his eyes to come back to me.
“Bud and Angela fabricated a story about a clean adoption process and a happy young couple who just didn’t have the resources to take care of me. I believed them, so I didn’t ask questions. But then, when I was arrested, I realized they didn’t have any real documents.”
“Like me?”
“Not exactly. I had a Mexican birth certificate with a mother listed. When they deported me, I tried to look for her. Silas even helped me as much as he could, but there was no trace of her. So I questioned Bud about it, and he confessed the truth.”
“Why did he lie?”
“I didn’t understand at the time, but I do now.” He finally turns to face me, his brows pinched together and his eyes searching mine. “Bud’s sick, Alma. I spent all this time being angry at him, and now I could lose him forever.”
I want to say,no, that’s not going to happen,and to give him encouragement, but our lives are too parallel. None of the thoughts and prayers comforted me when Missy was sick. Not a single lie soothed me in my darkest time. Efren won’t break in front of me, but I can see the shattering of his soul. Telling him Bud will be okay when I don’t know would be another person lying to him, and he doesn’t deserve that. I lean down and rest my forehead on his.
“Don’t pity me, Alma.” His whisper comes out as a plea. I lean in and graze my lips over his.
“I don’t pity you.” I harden my voice. “But I take care of you now.”
My mouth claims his, savoring the taste of him. I can feel the heat radiating from his skin, and the fire building beneath mine. My grip tightens in his hair as I force his neck back and devour him. My tongue explores every part, from his jawline to the center of his Adam’s apple.
“You’re mine, Efren. I don’t care who brought us into this world. All that matters is that we found each other.”
