She wished Robert had been enough for her. It nearly killed her to leave him, but she needed to do more with her life.
Making an occasional pot in the school’s ceramics lab or painting a picture for a friend’s birthday wasn’t enough anymore.
Jessie struggled to breathe as the sharp pangs of failure filled her. She’d wanted so badly to succeed in her career as an artist and eventually become a museum curator. The tiny glimpse of success she’d experienced made her goals feel achievable.
But her success had made Patrick jealous, and he’d slowly taken away everything she treasured.
She wrapped her arms around herself as she remembered the first time Patrick got angry with her for spending too much time painting. He mocked her skill, saying anyone can paint. Grabbing her largest paint brush, he swiped it across her pallet, collecting a variety of colors. Then he smeared it across her canvas in sharp, erratic movements. He ruined the landscape she’d worked on for two days.
The move to Seattle last year helped further Patrick’s career, but it ended hers. He’d refused to let her get a job, insisting that with the stress of his new position, he needed her support and attention.
What little dignity and creativity Jessie had maintained to that point vanished. And when the crate containing the few remaining pieces of her work mysteriously disappeared in the move, Jessie gave up on her dreams.
Jessie struggled to breath as she recalled confronting Patrick about the missing crate, accusing him of paying the movers to “lose it”.
He pinned Jessie to the wall with his forearm across her throat. “It’s time to grow up Jessica. Your art was nothing more than a girlish dream. It’s time to act like the wife I deserve. I’m tired of you embarrassing me with your paint spattered clothes. All you’ve ever done is make me look bad.”
For the past year, her life had revolved solely around Patrick. She’d done everything he’d asked. Life was easier and less painful that way.
But it hadn’t been enough. No matter what she did, it was never enough.
* * *
“The cabin is fully furnished,”Robert said as they entered Providence, even though Jessie knew that. She’d gone there with him many times. “But I’m not sure how much food there is.”
Sylvia looked over her shoulder at Jessie. “Let’s stop at the grocery store before we go to the cabin.”
It was all Robert could do to keep from looking at Jessie in the rearview mirror as he pulled into the parking lot of Knight’s Grocery store.
Sylvia climbed out and looked at Jessie. “Aren’t you coming in with me?”
“Mom, I can’t.” It was little more than a whisper.
Sylvia’s brow wrinkled.
“You know how small towns are. I’m just not ready to see anyone yet,” Jessie said.
Sylvia gave Robert a pleading look, as if asking him for help. He shook his head, telling her to let it go. With a sigh, Sylvia closed the door.
The silence in the truck grew stifling, and Robert’s gaze drifted to the rear-view mirror. Despite Jessie being tall, she looked delicate and fragile.
“Thank you,” came Jessie’s quiet voice from the back seat.
Robert shifted in his seat to turn and look at her. “Don’t worry about what people think. It took great courage to leave the situation you were in. I admire you for that.”
“A situation created by my own choices.” Self-recrimination filled her voice again.
He dropped his gaze. What could he say? Life would be drastically different for them if they...she...had made different choices. He’d lived with plenty of regret for the past five years but dwelling on the what-ifs wouldn’t change anything.
“I’m sorry, Robert.”
“For what?” His eyes sought hers.
“That my mother pulled you into this.” Jessie looked away. “And for leaving five years ago.”
A prickling sensation raced across Robert’s skin. How many times had he wished Jessie would come back and apologize for leaving him? Now, she’d done exactly that, but it brought no joy, like he thought it would. She’d come back to Providence, but not back to him.
“It’s a little late for apologies.” He didn’t intend to sound so sharp. Was he still upset about the way her husband had treated her?
