“I’m supposed to be mourning my brother, not finding myself constantly attracted to a handsome, compassionate rancher,” she said with self-loathing.
“We can’t dictate how or when our heart falls in love, Emily.”
No she couldn’t. She’d tried so hard not to fall for Jake.Am I really in love with him?Or was it just physical attraction born of her need to not be alone? When she no longer mourned Cameron, would she still find Jake attractive and react the same way?
“Jake has been so wonderful since I remembered...” She closed her eyes and sucked in a sharp breath, trying to block out the scene that gave her nightmares. “But what if he’s a different person than I thought he was once I’m no longer mourning and don’t need his comforting? You know, I couldn’t handle the things I learned about Trent later.” Emily’s heart grew heavy as she remembered the hurt in Trent’s eyes when she told him to leave and never come back.
“Give yourself some credit. You recognized you weren’t in love with Trent and couldn’t help him with his problems. Don’t go throwing your rancher in the same lot as Trent because you met him during another difficult time in your life.”
“But how do I separate the need to be loved and the desire to belong with someone from the man? I’m afraid I’m confusing my psychological desires with my emotional needs.”
“Give yourself time, Em. There’s nothing that says the two can’t be fulfilled by the same means. Don’t make rash decisions. Give yourself time to mourn your brother, then get to know your rancher. Find out what else you love about him besides his compassion.”
Everything.There wasn’t a single thing about Jake she didn’t like. She smiled as she thought about his gift with horses, the way he supported Daniel through his struggles, and the respect he showed his mother and Lottie. She even loved the great—sometimes volatile—relationship he had with Robert.
Emily’s stomach sank. “What if... what if when he gets to know the real me, the me who’s not needing a shoulder to cry on, what if he can’t handle that? What if he doesn’t like the stubborn, opinionated me with all my issues?”
“If he can’t love the real you when you are ready to share that part with him, then he doesn’t deserve you.” Joe’s voice was vehement, bringing a smile to her face. “Don’t let yourself get drawn into another situation you will regret. If things get to be more than you can handle, say the word, and Beth and I will come get you. You know you always have a place with us. We think of you as family, I hope you know that.”
“Thank you, Joe. I do consider you family. I love you and Beth dearly. But I think it’s safer for everybody if I stay where I’m at for the time being.”
“I understand. You take care of yourself.” After a brief pause, Joe asked, “Are you eating?”
“Yes, I’m eating,” she said with a sigh.
“Are you eating enough?”
If Jake had recognized her weight loss after only a few days, then the answer was no.
“I’m trying.”
“Remember to set your limits and stick to them. This applies to your relationship with Jake too. Set clear boundaries and keep them.”
After she ended the call, she remained in Jake’s office for some time. Talking to Joe had calmed her fears. It wasn’t fair to compare Jake to Trent, but it was hard to separate the two. She kept turning to Jake for comfort, like she’d turned to Trent, after her father’s death.
The things she felt for Jake were stronger than anything she’d felt for Trent, and that scared her, because she was completely alone now.
She didn’t want to make the biggest mistake of her life simply because she didn’t want to be alone. More than anything, she wanted a family. She wanted someone to love as much as she needed someone to love her.
Was that someone Jake? Could he be the man she was meant to be with?
Her heart skipped a beat at the thought.Yes.He could be, but she couldn’t make such decisions and form such close relationships when she was so emotionally unstable and so desperate for a family.
* * *
It was late,and the house was dark by the time Jake came through the mudroom door. He wasn’t eager to see Emily again after blowing up at her the way he had.
But he couldn’t wait to see her gorgeous emerald eyes again and make her tantalizing lips turn up in a smile, revealing her dimples. She was all he could think about.
Man, I’ve got it bad.
He washed up and found the plate of food Lottie left in the fridge for him. After eating a solitary dinner, he headed to the shower.
Fifteen minutes later, he went to lock up and found Emily sitting on the sofa illuminated by a single lamp. His pulse kicked up a notch.
Knowing he owed her an apology, he sat on the edge of the ottoman, facing her.
“Emily, I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you this afternoon.” It was all he could do to meet her eyes.
