“I’m worried about you, Em. We all are.”
Emily let out a sigh of resignation. “I’d like to go for a ride, and I am kind of hungry, so I’ll even try to eat.”
“I have the carriage ready, but I need to grab something real quick.”
A few minutes later, Jake lifted Emily into the carriage—his strong arms wrapped securely around her.
She tried not to relish how good it felt to be held by him.
Jake headed the team of horses in a different direction than they had previously gone. While they rode, he attempted to make small talk, but Emily only gave brief responses. She didn’t feel like talking.
“Have you called Joe?” he finally asked.
“No.”
“Are you going to?”
“I don’t know.” She let out a deep sigh. “I keep telling myself I shouldn’t bug Joe or you. I should be strong enough to make it through this on my own. I need to get used to doing things alone.”
Jake’s knuckles turned white as he tightened his grip on the reigns. “No, Emily. You don’t need to do any of it alone. You’ve got people all around you that care about you. We’ll help you through this, and we will be there to help you through other things too if you’ll let us.”
“I can’t, Jake.” Then in a quiet voice, she added, “It hurts too bad to let people in, especially when they let you down.”
“Are you talking about Max? Or have others hurt you too?”
Emily looked away. She’d been hurt by too many people, and she’d hurt others. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You need to talk about it. You can’t keep it all bottled up inside. It will only make you more miserable.”
“What am I supposed to do?” she said, raising her voice. “Come running to you every time I feel sad, or have a bad dream? I can’t do that, Jake. I won’t do that.”
“At least talk about it. It’ll help you let go of the pain and start the healing.”
Emily glared at him. “What? Are you the therapist now?”
“You told Debbie I was acting as your counselor the other day, so let me be your counselor. Talk to me.”
“And tell you what?” Emily’s throat grew tight.
“Tell me what you’re feeling. You’ve been betrayed by someone you trusted, but you haven’t talked about it. You haven’t shed a single tear.”
“Right, because crying means I’m dealing with it?” Pain seized Emily’s chest and she gasped for air.
Jake tried again. “Tears can be healing.”
“I could cry a river of tears and not find any solace!” she shouted. Heat rushed through her body. “Is that what you want to hear? Do you want to hear me say I’m angry? Fine. I’m furious with Max. I hate him for taking everyone away from me. My dad was his best friend. He was the reason Max was so wealthy, but it wasn’t enough for him. And I’m angry at God. He could have protected those I love, but he didn’t. He took them away—” Emily’s voice broke, and the tears that had been screaming for release burst through their dam. She was powerless to stop them. “Why?” she wailed. “Why did he take my whole family away from me?”
Jake brought the carriage to a stop and wrapped his arms around her. “That’s exactly what I want to hear,” he whispered into her hair.
Her tears soaked Jake’s shirt as he held her, encouraging her to let it all go. And she did, repeatedly asking “why” as she sobbed, wishing Jake could explain why all this had happened to her. She continued to cry until she couldn’t cry anymore.
Finally, she lifted her head from Jake’s shoulder and scrubbed at her face, unable to make eye contact with him.
“So, as a counselor, do I just listen or am I supposed to respond?”
She shrugged. “Whatever you feel like.”
“Okay, then I’d like to say this: I think your anger toward Max is justified, and I understand why you’re angry with God. But He is the only one who can truly help you through all of this. If you’ll let Him.”
