I moped, but he didn’t seem to notice. As long as I obeyed, he really didn’t seem to give a fuck, which was disheartening to say the least. The depression that had seized me since I’d realized no one was coming to save mestarted to rear its head again, and I started to retreat into myself once more.
My body obeyed, but my mind just wasn’t there.
I think he knew it, but he wouldn’t accept it — or at least, if he did, he wasn’t showing it.
Days later, when he let me out of the kennel to stretch, I didn’t even bother looking up at him. I could nearly feel his frown upon me, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I’d tried with him, I’d told him what he could do to get me more interested, and he’d shown interest… only to ignore it once it was no longer in the forefront of the conversation.
“Toby,” he said quietly, that warning note in his voice. “You’ve been so good. Let’s not ruin that streak now, okay?”
Like I had much of a choice.
I nodded, still not looking up at him.
He exhaled slowly, then set something on the bed. My eyes flicked toward it. A box. I didn’t know what was in the box, but I’d learned to approach them all with wariness because he’d been creative in what he’d ordered. I mean, fuck. A dildo waterer? How had he found those things? Fuck, who came up with these things to begin with?
He fished around in the box, coming out with a…
My heart started to race. It was a fluffy tail, long and gorgeous, made up of a color that nearly matched my hair. I swallowed hard, remembering I’d told him I’d wear a butt plug with a cat tail without complaint. I had meant it at the time, but seeing it now… He dangled it by the end of the tail, letting me see the plug. It looked impossibly large, especially compared to the smaller puppy tail. I knew on a logical level that it wasn’t much bigger, but I was still practically a virgin there — unless the enemas counted, in which case I’d been violated beyond measure.
I had been. So many times now, one day after another,I’d submitted to them… and they’d gotten easier to bear as he’d made sure the water was warm and I was in the right position to avoid the pain of it.
All I had to do was behave.
All I had to do was sell my soul, one bit at a time, until there was nothing left.
“You know what I want,” he told me, letting me get a good look at the plug and the tail as it dangled near my face. “I’m going to clean it, then you’re going to do what, Toby?”
Fuck, he was going to make me say it. What was worse, he was going to make me humiliate myself all over again so he could revel in my torment. He loved it, and I knew he loved it. That was never going to change, even if it got easier to bear…
“It’s too big,” I whispered.
“You told me you’d wear it without complaining,” he said, dangerous edge returning to his voice.
I flinched. I had. I had been willing to agree to anything if it meant I could be something other than a puppy. I just… hadn’t thought about what it would mean when he actually got the kitty supplies.
My stomach clenched. What else was in that box?
I was pretty sure I didn’t want to know.
I didn’t trust myself to speak. I nodded.
His features softened until his scars no longer looked threatening in the corner of my vision. “Good boy,” he told me, smoothing his fingers through my hair.
I didn’t let myself flinch again, even though I wanted nothing more than to jerk away from his touch. But he loved touching me, and I was already treading water as it was, trying not to let the monster beneath me pull me under the surface.
“Stay.”
That wasn’t going to change. He was still going to treat me like that. But… But I could do something, couldn’t I? I could remind him that I wasn’t really a dog, that he couldn’t treat me like one as long as I was his cat.
I waited until he disappeared into the bathroom then rolled over, sprawling out across the floor like I owned it.
When he returned, he stopped for a moment, staring at me.
I meowed.
He let out a little grunt then continued toward me, grabbing a bottle of lube from his nightstand before stopping just beside me. “Here,” he told me. “Ass in the air.”
So he could watch, of course.
