Emily debated for a long time. Finally, she opened the second book and turned the pages, letting Jake see pictures of her as a young child. The beautiful emerald eyes were a dead giveaway that this was indeed Emily.
“You were cute. Even without your two front teeth.”
After a few more minutes, she stopped turning pages. “When my mom got sick... I stopped... doing everything. I spent every minute I could at her bedside... and I became a stress eater.” Jake heard the self-loathing in her tone. “Food was the one thing that brought me any comfort.”
“I can’t imagine how difficult losing your mother must have been.”
She turned the pages again, as she talked. “I put on about thirty pounds while my mother battled cancer.”
As the pages turned, Jake saw the beautiful young girl with the emerald eyes morph into a person that saddened him. It wasn’t only the weight gain. Glasses hid her beautiful eyes, and the long auburn hair he loved had been cut into a pageboy style.
“When my mom became too sick to brush my hair, I chopped it off. Not because I couldn’t brush my own hair, but because I was angry. I was mad at God and the world, and I showed it by doing the most drastic thing I could think of.”
“Know what I miss in these pictures?” Jake tilted her head with his fingers under her chin to look into her eyes. “I miss your dimples. I’m sorry you didn’t have a reason to smile.” Then he lightened the mood by joking, “I really wanted to see your braces.”
Emily elbowed him in the ribs. “My face was so round my dimples hardly showed when I smiled.” Then she turned another page. “You’re in luck. The school photographer wouldn’t take my picture until I smiled.”
“Look at that.” Jake smothered a chuckle. “Dimples and braces. At least you took off your glasses so I can see your beautiful eyes. I know you’re self-conscious about your pictures, but even in these I can see your inner beauty.”
“Whatever.” She elbowed him again. “You don’t need to butter me up.”
Jake frowned.Did she not understand how beautiful she was? How beautiful she still is.
Letting it go, he asked, “Do you wear contacts now?”
“No, I had corrective surgery years ago. I was so glad to ditch the glasses for good.” Then she grew serious again. “After my mother died, food no longer held any appeal to me, and I couldn’t bear to be at home where my mother’s absence was so profound. I spent hours everyday walking, pretending my mother wasn’t gone.”
“So, the loss of appetite when you’re mourning isn’t a new thing?” Jake asked.
Emily took her time answering. “Food was the one thing I had control over when everything went wrong. For months after my mom died, I still struggled to make myself eat more than a few bites, if I ate at all.”
“You became anorexic?” Is that why she ate so little?
“Not technically. I didn’t have a distorted image of my body. I was simply too distraught to eat because I didn’t process my mother’s death properly. I didn’t really have anyone to share my grief with. My brother left for college, and my father was so wrapped up in his own grief I was afraid talking to him would make things harder for him. So, I kept it all bottled up, and didn’t eat because I was too sad.”
“Wow, I had no idea you went through that.” Jake couldn’t fathom the pain Emily must have experienced. Losing his dad had been hard, but he’d had his family and the ranch to focus on, which helped with his grief.
“I went from somewhere around one hundred and fifty pounds down to ninety-five pounds within six months.”
Jake sucked in a sharp breath. That was too slender for someone her height.
“My counselor at school became so concerned she insisted my dad get me professional help. Joe saved me. He broke through my defenses and forced me to confront my anger and bitterness over my mom’s death. He made me talk about my feelings. He helped me see that not eating wouldn’t bring my mother back and that I was hurting those that loved me. Cameron even dropped out of school and moved home so he could be there to give me moral support.”
Jake clasped her hand. “I’m sorry for what I said about Joe this afternoon. When you said he helped you through some difficult things... I didn’t understand... I thought you meant your grief.”
She lowered her eyes. “That’s what I wanted you to believe, but Joe has helped me through more than you know. He’s the reason I became a psychologist. I wanted to help other people the way he helped me.”
“Understanding the extreme you went to when your mother died, you realize I’m going to encourage you eat, don’t you?”
Emily smirked. “You want to be my accountability partner?”
The thought of being Emily’s partner warmed Jake like nothing else ever had, and a flush rose up his neck. He’d love to have her as his partner for life. He cleared his throat. “Yes.”
“You’ll need to actually show up for dinner if you’re going to make sure I eat my food.”
“I’ll be there. Every meal.” Jake wanted to help Emily anyway he could, and if this is what she needed, he’d be there.
Emily groaned. “Oh, brother.”
