Ben nudged his horse in the flanks with his heels, and Amy’s heart leaped to her throat when Honey moved after Apollo. Keeping a tight grip on the pommel, she sucked in a steadying breath.I can do this.
The sun shone on Honey’s shiny coat, and Amy thought how appropriate her name was. She pictured flowing honey as she watched the fluid movement of her horse’s muscles.
It took a full five minutes to convince herself she wasn’t going to fall off and release the saddle horn. Honey’s smooth gait made her body sway in a gentle rocking motion, and the tension in her body relaxed. A smile crept across her lips. She couldn’t believe she was actually riding a horse and enjoying it.
She tipped her head back and closed her eyes. What a beautiful fall day. She wore only a light jacket, and the sunshine felt wonderful after the stormy weather of the last couple days.
She studied Ben on the horse in front of her. He rode with confidence, creating a striking figure in the saddle, with his broad shoulders and narrow hips. His posture had been rigid, but now, he appeared relaxed.
As she studied his shoulders, Amy’s mind strayed to the night he carried her into the house after she broke her toe, followed by the memory of being held in his arms when he kissed her a few days later.
She licked her suddenly dry lips. She promised Ben she’d forget about the kiss, and she’d tried, but every time she saw him, she wanted him to kiss her again. She was as disgusted with herself for wanting him to kiss her again as she was for the way she’d responded. But she couldn’t seem to stop her thoughts from going that direction whenever he was near.
Ben reached his left hand out to his side, clicked his tongue, and snapped his fingers. Honey picked up her pace, startling Amy. Honey pulled up to the side of Apollo and adjusted her gait to match the other horse.
“As attractive as my and Apollo’s backsides must be... it’s easier to keep an eye on you when I don’t have to keep checking over my shoulder.”
Amy’s cheeks flamed as though she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t. She assumed he was teasing, but it was difficult to read is mood today. He seemed more relaxed than earlier, but did she dare make a joke about his backside being the best part of the scenery? Embarrassed she’d even thought it, she flushed more.
“You look hot. Do you need a water bottle?”
Amy turned away, so he couldn’t see her face. “I’m fine.”
They rode in silence for some time over gently rolling hills of dry desert lands, dotted with green pastures and the occasional forested area, creating a beautiful vista. No matter which way she looked, the view amazed her. She felt so small and insignificant here on the wide-open range.
Ben began to talk about the ranch. He explained how the thousands of acres owned by the Double Diamond extended in different directions, almost as far as the eye could see. “A small portion of the ranch is used to breed and raise horses. The majority is used to raise thousands of heads cattle, most of which were sold and shipped across the U.S. every fall. They also grow all the feed for the animals.”
From her first visit here, Amy could tell this was no small operation, but she hadn’t realized how large it was. The overhead costs must be astronomical, but Jake seemed to be doing well.
Ben remained quiet, lost in his own thoughts, and Amy wondered if he thought about riding out here with Melanie. After a while, he began to talk about time spent on the ranch and in his uncle’s garage in his youth.
“I envied my cousins. Robert and Jake had the whole ranch to roam, horses and four-wheelers to ride, guns to shoot. Steven, Matt, and Damon had the repair shop to hang out in. I never could understand why they weren’t fascinated with cars like I was.”
Although Ben seemed to have a good relationship with his family, it didn’t sound like he’d spent much time at home. Was that why he hadn’t shared his grief with them?
“Before I turned sixteen and could drive myself out here, I had to make the long ride on my bike. So, I spent most of my summers at the garage. My parents sometimes let me come stay for a week at a time, though. Usually during branding or round-up.”
“Sounds like you had a great childhood.”
Ben nodded. “I wish you could say the same.”
They hadn’t talked about the things she’d told him last Sunday, and Amy really didn’t want to talk about them now, but she had a feeling Ben wanted her to.
Isn’t that what she’d dragged him out of his apartment to do? Talk about his loss. To deal with it. As much as Amy would like to think otherwise, she hadn’t truly dealt with her issues. She’d accepted them, but she hadn’t dealt with them.
Ben must have thought the same thing, because he said, “Amy, any time you want to talk about... your childhood... or Lance... or anything, I’m here.”
Amy dropped her eyes to her hand, resting on the pommel with the reigns dangling. “What if I don’t want to talk about any of it? Maybe I don’t want to admit how badly I screwed up my life?”
A sharp‘tssst’sound from Ben brought her head up. The horses reacted as sharply, coming to a stop. Ben really was skilled with horses. She was about to say so until she saw the intensity in his eyes.
“Screwed up your life? With the kind of upbringing you had, I’d say you turned out pretty amazing.”
This was the second time Ben had used that word to describe her. Maybe if she heard him say it often enough, she’d believe it. Or maybe she should share with Ben another bit of truth.
“You know, after I moved out on my own, I wanted to believe I was better than my mom. I told myself I didn’t need her, or anyone else to make me feel good about myself. I tried to keep a positive attitude, recognizing as bad as my childhood was, it could have been worse. I avoided dating because I’d seen how dependent my mom was on the attention from the men in her life.”
“You viewed her need for attention as weakness,” Ben stated.
